How concrete is an "open adoption" contract??

PhilM

Unfortunately, no. Open adoption arrangements are not legally enforceable at this time. Adoptive parents who want to go back on their word are free to do so. It is, in my opinion, a despicable act, but one that is not currently illegal. Hopefully that will change.

LaurieDB

Open adoptions are not legally enforceable. The deceitful scenario you describe in your question -- reneging on an open adoption contract -- can and does happen. Agreeing to something in order to get a child then backing out of the agreement upon reaching that goal is a truly reprehensible act. I would be very disappointed to find out that my own adoptive parents had done such.

amber m

I gave a daughter up for adoption about 10 years ago when I was 18. We had an open adoption until recently when the adoptive parents decided to close it. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it.They didn't even have the guts to let me know. They sent an email to my dad informing him and asking him to forward it to me. They have my email address but never respond to my emails. Apparently they felt that I was not seeing her enough but in the past they have made comments on the birthparents of another child they adopted wanting to see him too much. I have been uncomfortable at visits as she has been getting older and they have not told her that she is adopted. I have been unsure what role they have wanted me to play in her life but they don't communicate that with me. I also have a son who is almost 12 and is her full brother. They look like twins so I'm sure she would realize that they are related.
Sorry for the long rant but the answer to your question is Yes, the adoptive parents can close an adoption if they chose to.

Gershom

Laurie may be disappointed with her adoptive parents if they ever did this, I'd outright disown them and never speak to them again. Adoptive parents and parents separated by their children from adoption who commit to an open adoption have an ethical and moral responsiblity to continue that open adoption agreement even if its hard on the parents, but worth it for the child.

Ohio has a bill pending right now that if passed, would enforce all open adoption agreements of the past and present. So anyone "breaking" them currently would be forced to open them. That means no moving, that means for the manipulative adoptive parents who purposely closed an adoption, they'd better get ready to open them, and think of the therapy that will take to make it "work" after that break of trust. That means for the mothers/fathers it was too hard on to see their children being raised in another family and they walked away like some have to, just to survive,.... get ready to be reminded of the loss every time they see their child.

Adoption isn't something to enter into lightly. Forever, two families once separate, will be connected regardless of the outcome. Your families must merge, the importance of communication, trust, and honesty is of the essence.

Heather B

An open adoption 'contract' is about as useful as a chocolate teapot

Dave F

My answer is strictly from what I have seen & heard. : How far in the cement is your head stuck.** Only exceptions known so far are relatives whom adopt,rest are full of hot air.

Bizzi

No. Open adoptions are mostly not honored. Open adoption is something they use as a method of convincing the parent to give up the child.
So far I have talked with a large amount of people who were supposed to have open adoptions but were cut out and that is that.
I think it was 47 people only 3 of the open adoptions were honored.
Some A-parents have gone as far as moving changing their last name and the child's first name.

sunny

It'll blow up in your face, I guarantee it. Your 'kid' will never forgive you. And then all that money will be down the drain, for nothing!

What happens to women's brains who can't conceive? Lordy, it's like all morals & values go out the window. Did you find yourself a man this sleazy, too?

Whay a perfect place for an adopted child to grow up, with morally bankrupt 'parents'. Disgusting.

cagney

sadly no. once finalization happens it's all up to the aparents to honor their end of the agreement. unless something is signed and notarized by the courts, which i don't think ever happens, there's nothing legally the biological family has to see or even know about their child.

personally i would never do that. i think the ongoing presence of both of my child's families, biological and adopted, are going to be what gives her a sense of self and security as she grows. but not all aparents feel this way. i find it sad. as long as no harm, physical or emotional, comes to the child. it's important for them to know and experience their "whole" story.

to everyone whose stated that open adoptions are always a lie. it's not true. i know i'm in the minority, but i'm not a darn unicorn for God's sake. i exist and so does the open adoption agreement that i honor. my family is living proof of it. i have no intentions at all of ever not having contact, including visits with my daughter's other family. i have even taken time off work, when my daughter's other mother was in town so we could spend time together. i find it enjoyable, as we all get along and mesh very well. but most of all i know it's what's in the best interest of my child, and i will continue to do it.

sunny i know your comment wasn't directed at any infertile woman, but more of the question being asked. but geeez, can we give the infertile lying, baby stealing, etc....a break? this person never stated wether or not they could conceive. why is it assumed that ALL infertile woman are behind the lying and unethical parts of adoption????

this is why i urge infertile women to deal with their infertility before proceeding with adoption. adoption is not a second choice, and not second best. and should not be entered into as a last resort to be parent option. but like many of you adoptees and first mothers, etc...you get angry when someone tries to speak for you on your feelings and thoughts. i'm here to speak as an infertile woman and say i'm angry and tired of those who know nothing of what it feels like or what an infertile couple goes through to keep the fertile mudslinging to themselves, please.

TotalRecipeHound

Virtually no states will uphold an open adoption agreement. If the a-parents cut the firstparents off, the courts will do nothing to enforce the agreement. That is changing in some states, but until it does, I advise all women that no matter what it says, it is still a closed adoption because you may be completely cut off.

As LaurieDB pointed out, there are many cases where the a-parents say all along that it will be open and then once everything is finalized, they cut out of town without leaving any forwarding information. It is done deliberately and frequently. In fact, some of those folks aren't even legal residents of the state and the firstparents don't even know that.

I admire parents who don't do the bait and switch routine. My friend (who is type 1 diabetic) adopted infants from two different mothers. Those moms even got to attend their kid's high school graduations. Everybody benefited from this. Unfortunately, I think it's rare.

Cam

The previous answerer's are correct. Open adoption agreements are not legally binding. The agreement is based on trust between the adoptive parents and the bio family.

Quite frankly I find it appalling that any Pap would deceive a bio mom with an open adoption promise and not honor it. That's just cruel and selfish. And certainly not in the best interest of the child.

But I know there are many adoptive parents who do honor their open adoption plans with a bio family.

lahdh4

They are in no way concrete. However they are a good faith agreement and if you are not comfortable with having an open adoption then don't discuss it.
If you sit there and say "Yes, we want an open adoption." Don't be sitting there saying to yourself "Once it is final that is it. We are done."

I think that people who think like this and do this are LIARS. and therefore should not be adopting in the first place.

Shannon

I am a birth mother to 3 wonderful children.
I only see one of them about every 3-5 monthes. We go out to dinner and we are very close. I have seen the other 2 on random occasions. I have there addresses and Phone numbers. If they were to up and move, I would have nothing. There would be nothing that I could do about it. We have a sign paper that says they can send me pics 2 times a year or more by my request. But it does not mean anything. I have a wonderful relationship with the adoptive parents, so I am not worried. FYI :2 are with the same family. They know me as there birth mother and that they are real brother and sister.

mizgeministarz

To answer your question:
Open Adoption contracts are NOT legally binding. It is a faith contract, really. You are making a pact with the birthmother/birthfather that you are open to sharing aspects of your child's life with them and in return they bless you with a child. Some birthparents do not want open adoptions as they find it too emotionally exhausting. There are also different levels of open adoption. Semi-open adoption doesn't disclose the last names, addresses of the adoptive parents, but you do meet each other, the bparents have an idea of where you live (i.e., city, state) and about once a year (roughly) you send pics/videos/letters/updates. Studies have shown that children of open adoption (even at a very minimal level) fair far better than children of closed adoptions when they reach adulthood. The only possible reasons that I can see to change an open adoption into a closed one is if the birthparents start interfering too much with your decisions to parent your child (in this case attempts to resolve the issue before cutting off communication are usually very successful), if the bparents are drug addicts/alcoholics or something of this nature (in this case having a closed adoption from the beginning should have been what was chosen), or if the lifestyle of the bparents has changed in a manner that is not healthy for your child. Trust is a big issue when adopting a baby. Birthparents want to know they can trust the chosen couple to raise their child, be good parents, be open and honest about their background. Just so you know, birthparents wouldn't have made the decision to place their baby for adoption if that isn't what they wanted. It is a RARE case indeed for a birthmother to try to "kidnap" her baby back. I would say its more likely you'll win the lottery. Even though it isn't legally binding, never agree to an open adoption "contract" if you have any reserves. If you think you may change your mind in the future, be honest about that. It is true the birthmother may change her mind about placing her baby for adoption with you, but you want to be paired with a birthmother who wants and agrees to the same things as you. It is ESSENTIAL for the ultimate healthy emotional growth of your child. The birthparents don't just disappear after the adoption is final. They are forever a part of your child, just as you will forever be a part of your child. Our children are given to us (no matter how that may be, adoption, naturally) for a time. We do not own them. We are blessed with them to teach them, show them, nurture them and then let them out in the world. And no one can ever have too many people to love them.
-A birthmother
(For those considering adopting, 2 must reads are Dear Birthmother and Children of Open Adoption by Kathleen Sibler and Phylis Speedlin - I received Dear Birthmother as a gift from my child's aparents the day we relinquished rights. I have a semi-open adoption. I must add that the first year the bparents may want more info, pictures, calls, etc to be reassured they made the right choice, that their child is doing well. After that, it gets better and we butt out more...lol)

GEE-GEE

I have adopted twice. I don't think that they are that enforceable in a court of law. I mean, they already gave up all their rights to the child once they signed the relinquishment anyways.

When it comes to moving, you can move whenever you want to. You are just supposed to let the agency know where you are moving to.

T S

the contract must outline these stipulation concerns for every ones best interest,especially the baby.
No contract terms should be overlooked,from visits,when,moving,notification of moves,when to get letters,pictures,can there be attendance for birthdays,other holidays and so on.

Crucio

Most are not enforceable. I really donâ€™t see how they could even be enforced what would they do? Throw the parents or birthparents in jail if they break the agreements they made? take the child away from the parents? pay a large fine?

That said having an open adoption would not prevent the family or birthparents from moving, if a move did happen on either side then they would just have to rework their open adoption to something that works for both sides. It just might mean fewer visits depending on how far someone moves. If someone for whatever reason moves over seas obviously in most cases the birthparents arenâ€™t going to be having many physical visits. The same could be said if birthparents and parents are living in say Cal , and birthparents or family ends up moving to say Long Island. This is 2008 there are amble ways to stay in contact from letters, phone calls, internet, webcams etc.

Crystal

Whats to be expected when a family member is the one who adopted my daughter and wants nothing to do with me?! As I'm reading all these stories, I hate myself more and more for my daughter. Now, Im trying to figure out how to get her home. The contract says they can't go back on it but i'm reading stories saying otherwise.

oceanblue

I have an open adoption with the biological parents of 2 children. They both have the same parents. I have held up to my end of the bargain for 2 years now. I just cannot allow them around the kids under the influence of drugs anymore. I have told them time and again to stop visiting the children tht way and they have no respect for me or my children. The children were removed by social services when the children were very young due to neglect and the death of another baby. I have tried really hard but as time goes by they only get worse. I don't know what else to do. My little girl is getting old enough to suspect things and she doesn't even enjoy visits with them. My baby doesn't even know them. They never show up when they r suppose to. I am just very disapointed with the biological parents.

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