How did this even happen?

myst1998

THIS is exactly the sort of thing that makes me most angry with adoption... and almost exactly what happened to me. Only I saw the damage fighting long term for my child would do to HER so I was the one who walked away and the reason my child is where she is now, after I had already won a court case and gotten her back. It completely destroyed me to walk away and lose her again but I didn't want her being tossed back and forward like some play thing... she deserved more than that and I could tell they would never leave me alone and they would keep fighting me for her.

Sadly, I am not alone in these situations and have received several emails about cases like this one where the mother withdraws her consent but the PAP's keep fighting her... regardless of the fact they know coercion played a huge role in these particular cases.

The whole sense of entitlement is the thing that does my head in... no one is entitled to a child... we are lucky when they are in our lives no matter what.

Its nice to see that these sorts of things are not looked favourably on by other AP's.

Heather Leigh

"Then, with him having bonded with them, it was just extremely difficult for them to return him to his bio-mom."

That is the problem. Many PAP's think that if they claim to have formed a bond with the child the judge will let the child stay with them. Unfortunately many times this has worked. When in reality the child should not have been with them if the bio-parents change their mind and don't relinquish the child.

I bet this is also the reason they kept fighting, hoping that a judge would just say that it was better for the child to remain with the PAP's that formed a bond with the child.

I am also an AP that is disgusted when people do this type of thing. No wonder some people think all AP's are bad when ones like these make us all look bad!

Lori A

Sickening is an understatement. Although my heart goes out to the couple who wanted to adopt this boy, ONCE AGAIN, the agency never should have allowed this adoption.

They should not be allowed to tell women that they have the right to change their mind and not make good on it when that actually happens.

This fathers parental rights were side stepped.

I'm proud of Michigan for standing up on this one. It reeks of an agency assuming that they will get away with what they have gotten away with a thousand times in the past.

Why they fought so long?

My guess is the agency told them it would work out in their favor like it has so many times in the past. That the court will take into consideration that the couple is already divorced, and if they drag their feet it will exhaust them financially, and the court will rule in their favor because the boy has been with them for so long, just like in past cases.

If I were the adoptive couple, I'd sue the pants off that agency. No it doesn't bring their child back, but it might close their doors or get them to change policy so it doesn't happen to someone else.

Arrogance, pure arrogance on the part of the agency.

Laurel J

People figure if they go to court and fight for long enough they can outspend or exhaust the other party.

Or, to put it more succinctly, they have no souls.

tish_part deux

two words: self-interest.

it was never about the child's parents, nor the child. i hope these people never get their grimy paws on another child.

ETA: this baby-trafficker...um, agency...should be shut down.

ETA (2) "Then, with him having bonded with them, it was just extremely difficult for them to return him to his bio-mom.:

--jesus! how can someone "bond" with a child that is wanted by his first parents? that's not bonding, yet, "i'm not giving up this child that I paid for!!!" honestly, i wonder how these trolls slept at night.

Rowan

the agency should have put a halt to all adoption proceedings when it became known that the fathers consent was never given, and when the mother withdrew hers.

"Does anyone have any legitimate insight as to why they would fight for so long - when TPR never took place???"

All i can think of is the guardians got attached to the boy, and loved him. Thats all i can think of.

my heart goes out to everyone involved, especially that poor boy. Being caught between to families like that.

cantstopLinnyG

It makes me sick as well. Some people feel entitled to a child, and will stop at nothing to make sure that child stays with them. This unfortunate story SHOULD make people stop and think about coercive adoptions.

It makes me shudder when I think of how many adoptions are in fact illegal due to the child's natural father not being notified, or the falsification of documents stating, "father unknown".

MamaKate

This whole thing is a disgrace. Poor kid. The agency should be shut down.

grapesgum

Uhh - maybe they are ego-centric, entitlement driven classists? I read the court decision - they sound a little crazy too. Especially when one considers that Michigan has the precedent of the Clausen/Deboer case where the potential adoptive parents tried to pull the same crap and did not get away with it.

There are some nutters that slip through the home studies.

ETA - Was there an agency involved? Which one?

ETA - Oh THAT agency. Yup - no surprise. Hope they get their fannies sued off.

rachelrmf@sbcglobal.net

would that not be kidnapping? These people should have been thrown in jail! I feel so sorry for the child and parents for having to go through such a mess.

monkeykitty83

Well, if the question is about why it could EVER happen, not just this specific case alone... the only possible legitimate reason I can think of for something like this is if the adoptive parents knew the biological parents were abusive or neglectful, CPS wasn't intervening even after reports were filed, and the adoptive parents didn't want to allow the child to be harmed. If I thought a child was in danger, I would fight to protect him/her, even if the legal situation was against me.

However, in this case (and the vast majority of similar cases,) there was no abuse or neglect, so there's no possible excuse. The adoptive parents are just making it harder on this child by dragging it out, and they had no legal right to custody, no matter how bonded they feel. Yes, I'm sure letting him go would be painful, but if you truly love someone, you have to make sacrifices for them. They shouldn't cause the child pain to try to spare themselves pain. Once they realized the adoption wasn't legal, the child should have been returned with as little drama and disruption of routine as possible.

â€ Lawrence Râ€

We don't get any insight as to what the bio-mom's status was directly after the birth. In other words, what was going on in her life, was she in a position to care for him, etc. If her conditions were extremely bad, they might have considered that their home was actually best for the little boy. Then, with him having bonded with them, it was just extremely difficult for them to return him to his bio-mom.

That being said, her revocation of consent, along with no TPR for the bio-father, should have put an end to this case in short order. The people handling the potential adoption should have seen to it.

This doesn't exonerate the PAPs, but it does give us a little more insight.

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