How do I face my biological mother?
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How do I face my biological mother?
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So, I am 22 now. And my biological mother was on cocaine the whole time she was pregnant with me and when I was 6 months she tried to hurt me and I was taken away temporarily and given back when I was a year old and shortly there after she stomped on me, breaking all of my bones except for a few. I was taken away for good. I was in two foster homes and the second adopted me when I was 5. I was allowed to visit my biological grandparents every weekend until they decided to put me up for adoption again at the age of 8. I have been with my loving parents every since then. I am now married and we are trying for a kid of our own. But as I get older, I wonder what my medical history is and if my biological mother has changed, etc. I have talked to my mom about all this and she is willing to help me through everything. I just don't know what I would say to her because on one side, without her I wouldn't be here today, but also she tried to kill me so it kinda contradicts itself. I am not even sure it is worth it. I know exactly where she lives. I went 14 years without speaking to my biological grandparents and I just called my bio grandma up one day and talked to her for a while. Not sure she ever realized it was her granddaughter because I think she is pretty old by now. My biggest thing is that I know I have to biological brothers and I really would like to find them. I know they are both 18 now and I think it would just be neat to find them. I am just so confused as to what to do. Part of me wants to meet her and part of me doesn't. A little help please? Lol. Thanks in advance!
Additional Details
Well, I have a strong healthy relationship with my adoptive parents. I am not looking for anything from my biological mother. Just answers. I am prepared to be disappointed. I mean, I have read all my medical files, she has done enough already to dissappoint me. As far as her not caring about me, I am told she did care about me a lot and she wanted me back, but the drugs she was under the influence of caused her to have mental problems. I am offended by your answer to answerer number two. This is a personal question, not one you can just make assumptions about her.
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sweetjane
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Contact your grandmother again. Ask her for any family member's name/number....an aunt, cousin, etc. See if you can track down your brothers that way first. I think I would want to hear from them first...as they were older and realized what was happening in the house.....they might have also contacted her themselves...so they would know more about what to expect.
As to your mother, I would say that I wouldn't expect anything at all...or expect the worst...that way she can either be what you thought she would be or surprise you and be completely different and horribly sad and sorry for her actions. I would go there with someone....again, I would try to do it with another family member's help first. I have never experienced what you have been through, but personally, I would want to know, I would want to question her, and I would want to see what she had to say.....and if I didn't get that chance, I would always regret it. You have to do what YOUR heart tells you to do. |
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snowwillow20
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It makes me sad to think of what people do to each other. Sounds like your first mom had a lot of problems she couldn't deal with. Drugs can be a powerful enemy.
Call your grandparents again, you have the right to know our brothers. Ask for information, anything they might know. They probably know where your mom lives. Once you find the information it's up to you how you use it. You do not have to have a relationship with her.
You might write her a letter, telling her what you need from her, hopefully she is in a better place with her life. |
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crystalspirit233
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Check with your bio grandparents whether she has stopped taking cocaine. If she has maybe just go into someplace where she is and just take a look. Then arrange a meeting if u want!Ask 4 details off Gparents! |
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Corn is not dog food! No wheat!
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This is gonna seem completely insane, but hear me out.
Is there anyway you could "spy" on her first?
Hire a private detective to "get the goods" on her before you go knock on her door.
If she's still into drugs and would be a bad influence on your life, you'd know to skip the whole thing.
BUT!
If she has her act together and seems in a solid enough place to answer some questions, you could try meeting up.
It just seems like you could open a big can of worms if she's still using. Users aren't stable, and she may bring more trouble into your life than you need. |
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Miss. Advice
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unless you have a yearning to find your bio mom I would just leave it alone. An addict is a very big candidate to disappoint, especially in the affairs of parenthood. Perhaps as your grandmother how your bio mom has been...ask without prying before you try anything. If it turns out she is doing better then go for it..but...it's likely she is unstable, so I don't think you should bring up anything from the past for a while.
As for your brothers, I say go for it! that could be a wonderful opportunity! |
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Jackie M
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I have no experience with this, but I was wondering if you've seen the show The Locator on We Tv? It's about a man who reunites people, and often times it involves adoptions.
I would ask yourself if your relationship with your adopted parents is strong and healthy. Also are you expecting more from your bio mother, or are you prepared that her story may disappoint you?
If she does disappoint you, know that it doesn't mean you will turn out like her. (My grandfather was not a good role model to my dad and was never around for him as a kid. He even tried to kidnap my dad once. But my father turned out to be a really wonderful, loving, caring dad.) |
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Kuskus
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Ya she brought you here but she didn't care about you. |
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Adult 
Gambling
Unfinished
Deception
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