How do I know when I am ready to contact my first mom?

Heather B

You know you're ready when you get to a stage where the truth and facts matter more to you than any potential outcome.

You can do it!

â™¥Alexâ™¥

well,
if you want to see her, then do it.
It must be hard to not know and I think your adoptive parents will understand, depending on what they are like.

If YOU think ur ready to see her than go for it.

P.s. you have a big Vocab for a 13 year old

Josh's Girl

sweetie talk to your parents first. Let them know you love them but there are things that only your birth mom can tell you. And then gather up your courage and talk to her.

Alyssa Britten

You will feel it inside you.
If you don't feel your ready, don't do it!
But if you feel you are ready, do it!
It doesn't matter what she thinks of you.. she is your mom.
Your adoptive parents will understand. There reaches a point in every young soul of adopted people where they feel they need to contact Biological Parents. And you should be able to see her, your Biological Mom/Parents. If I had a child and I gave him or her up for adoption, I would defiently want to see or hear from them again.
I think you should do it sweetie

Missy M

Talk to your parents about this. See how this would make them feel, ask them for their support in this.

They know that you have a first mom, they know that at some point you will need to take this step... that's part of it... so sit them down and explain to them what's going on and why you feel how you do. Explain to them how much they mean to you and that they will always be your parents but that you feel like maybe it's time to take this step and as your parents, you want them to help you, guide you and support you.

Philippa

If you want to contact her then do so. It's only natural to worry about the negatives but the flip side is everybody could be happy. Had my son made contact first no matter what his age I would have been over the moon.

As for your adoptive parents no matter how they would feel you have a right to know your natural parents. They are only human though though so just reassure them they are still your parents if you need to.

eharrah1

As an adoptee who has found my biological family, I would suggest you wait a few more years. At 13, you are really not emotionally mature enough to deal with the drama that will happen. I am not trying to insult you by saying that. I was around 30 when I found bio-mom and I had trouble dealing with all of the problems that arose. Even now, 10+ years later, I still have problems dealing with the drama she brought into my life. She acts more like a child than an adult and when she is around, I feel like I have another teenager. If you feel like you have to do something now, tell your adoptive parents. You will need them to help deal with all of the new feelings you will experience. If you don't know how they will react, then feel them out by first asking how they would feel if you did search. Feel free to email me if would want to talk more. I know exactly what you are going thru.

michyme

Well if you are feeling this way I think you are ready. It might go bad or it might go wonderful. You don't know if you don't do it. I think this is something you are gonna have to do in order to move on with your life. I say hold your breath and take the plunge.

You might want to tell your adoptive parents that you want to meet her and would like their support. Maybe your adoptive parents will help you. Even if they don't though sounds like something you need to do.

Good luck,
Dianna

Serenity71

How do you know your adoptive parents will be offended have you asked them? Fighting with them about it won't make them think you can emotionally handle a reunion nor going off behind your parents back will help you either, there maybe things they know about your first mother situation that haven't come up in conversation yet that might help in knowing if the timing is right or if its better to wait a while.

Trust and respect goes both ways, if you go knocking on her door unaanounced and she's not ready it could all go pear shaped. If you can talk to a counsellor experienced with adoption issues that would be the best way to see how ready you are for this.

All the best I hope when the time is right it goes well for you.

C Wood

You should wait until you're 18, but you're ready now to find out more about why you were given up for adoption. I suspect you have questions about your birth mom and why she gave you up, and it's ok to ask your AP to discuss this with you so you know more about yourself and why you were adopted out.

Part of the reason to not contact her now is that, at 13, all children tend to go through more conflict with the parents raising them. It's part of growing up. It's normal. It's uncomfortable at times. it's frustrating at times. It's upsetting at times. You want to be treated more adult and you feel hemmed in and too restricted. Clashes between parents and teens are normal at this age. So it's a bad time to try to dig up a birth parent as you'd torture yourself into believeing the staying with birth mom would have magically made all these clashes not happen. Not true. You'd have clashed with your birth mom the same as you do with your AM.

So wait till you're older and more mature for attempting a meeting. You're not ready now, even if you believe you are. Your birth mom may not be ready for a meeting yet either. She gave you up for a reason. that caused her to not be able to parent you. That reason could still exist.
cw

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