How do I start an adoption process where the baby has already been chosen?

Mother of Many

I would first ask Sarah to get counseling about what is the right choice for her and her baby, she needs to know exactly what she is doing by giving up her child,and at such a young age she should not be forced or coerced to relinquish her child. There are plenty of girls who finish high school go to college all while raising a child they had young.

Before moving forward have Sarah get professional help with her decision. Then you and your husband and seek out a family adoption lawyer to get the adoption paperwork going.

I do encourage that if you adopt this child from Sarah, please let her be like 'Aunty Sarah', allow her to know her baby, and the baby to know her, it will make a big difference down the line when the baby knows she is adopted, and will allow the child to understand better why she was adopted.

Good Luck.

Heather B

I fail to see how taking Sarah's baby is 'helping'

As you say, at 15 she is young and inexperienced in the world; a situation you appear to be taking full advantage of.

Baby predators disguised as 'helpers' turn my stomach.

I wish Sarah was here, I could HELP her :( poor child

myst1998

Hmmmm...

These stories make me realise how right about adoption I am. "Gees, I can't have a baby. Oh look, X has a baby and shouldn't raise 'it' and doesn't want 'it', we can be much better parents and she can go back to school, everything is coming up roses".

Puke.

If thats not the gist of the story then I'm sorry but the way it is being conveyed makes it look that way.

First, adoption is NOT a win-win situation. The child, who has already been with the mother for a month will LOSE a piece of themselves and the mother will LOSE her child.

Have you thought of taking Sarah in and helping raise her and her baby? That is a much better option given her mother and grandmother are threatening to throw her out if she doesn't. Give her the support she needs to raise her child and finish her schooling and you might find a loving mother in there. Right now she is probably freaking out and ready to do anything she is told as she is really just a kid herself. Foster/sponsor her and you would have given so much to BOTH of them and you would then be a very special person in a child's life.

If you truly care about them both, take them both in, don't separate them; especially now you now she is being threatened unless she 'gets rid of the baby'

magic pointe shoes

Oh poor Sarah! She needs help and not by someone waiting to take her baby and leave her to suffer that loss. =o(

"Sarah does not want the baby." Codswallop. If she has had no counseling or informed consent as to what the impact of relinquishment is on her or her child, it's not true. If she is being given threats by family over having a place to live unless she gets rid of the baby, it's coercion and a false statement. I stand by my original comment. Poor Sarah!

"My concern is for the children - both the mother and baby." It doesn't seem like it from your question. It looks like you assume that relinquishment equals a do-over and that she'll pick up her life with family without her mistake baby. Except the dysfunctional rift between her and her family is now there and the size of a grand canyon. Except that when her baby is gone and all she has left is herself and the realization that relinquishment is written proof of deciding that you weren't good enough, she's going to have one heck of a time moving on.

Your fix is take the baby. I'm saying, poor Sarah. All you know is second hand and not even directly from Sarah apparently. Would you want someone you don't really know planning how to take your child without your knowledge?

Safeguarding the rights and well-being of birthparents in the adoption process (but realize that she is the mother of her child and not even a prospective birthmother)
http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/research/2006_11_birthparent_wellbeing.php

Crucio

Where is the babyâ€™s biological father? He would also have to agree to an adoption. If both natural parents are ok with you and your husband adopting then you (and the bioparents) would need to seek an attorney (separately) to get the adoption process going. It might even be possible for you to take temporary custody of the baby until the adoption is finalized. You should also make for certain that Sara truly does not want her baby that she is not just not doing what she is told by her mom and grandmother. Sarah should know that she does have options. Yes adoption is an option but it is not the only one. If she wanted to keep her child you all could consider taking her and the baby into your home if her mother will not allow her to live with her.

mom of many

first talk to the bay's mom to make sure this is what she wants. Then go talk to a lawyer to find out what the next step is. every state is different. some states you must get foster care certified to adopt. There may be some classes to take and home studies with interviews and lots of paper work and background checks.

sweetie

yes give them that option Sarah would probably be very delighted to have someone take care of her child since your sister is a friend of her's then she might feel confident knowing that someone she knows would be taking care of her child.

Jennifer H

you need to seek the advice of an attorney that handles adoptions, because this could get very complicated. This is mainly to protect you, your husband and possibly you future child. You need to make sure that this girl wants to give her rights up and fully hand them over to you. Not saying that she can not be involved but the last thing you want is for her to decide in a few years that she now wants the child and takes tries to take the child back. While you can talk to the mother and grandmother...this is not their decision. This needs to be between you, your husband and the birth mother. Good luck

div2wice

I would start with that....making contact, expressing your interest and why you are looking to adopt, etc. See where they are, what they think and what their plans are before you go to an atty.
After discussing Sarah and her families plans, you will be more aware of how to go about things. If you all are in agreement about adopting her baby, then I would consult with a att who specializes in adoptions.
From my understanding, Sarah and the biological father would need to sign over their parental rights to the child, then papers would be drawn up for the adoption. The atty will go over your rights, and what you need to do to protect yourselves, just in case.
Having gone through infertility issues myself, for 7 years now, I totally understand how excited you must be. I sure hope this works out well for you !

BPD Wife

It is called an "Identified Adoption". We did this. You can proceed either through an attorney (although I would recommend that both you and the child's current family have separate attorneys to make sure that everything is done properly and everyone's rights are protected). Or you can contact a local reputable adoption agency to proceed with an "identified adoption". This was the route we chose because our son was being adopted from another state and there were other challenges that our attorney felt might be a problem. He is the one who recommended that we use an agency, especially since we needed an agency to do the home study (even if we used the attorney). This worked well for us.

Good luck to you.

sizesmith

We did a private adoption like this, and it was pretty simple. First of all, talk with Sarah, and her mother, and make sure they are willing to sign guardianship and consent to adopt forms. Obtain the father's name, and if he's not available, he probably hasn't signed on the putative father registry for your state, and by not doing so, has probably lost his parental rights, although this is a sticky situation, and could blow up really easily. Many young guys often want to sign the baby away, simply because they don't want to pay child support.

You'll have to get a home study done by a licensed social worker. By having most of the paperwork done already, you can save a lot of time on it. The home study will have many things like criminal reports, background checks to make sure no one around you has been arrested for domestic violence, child abuse, etc. They'll actually come to your house, inspect it, and go through it. You'll want to have a place to put medicines, and poisons up in locked areas, or at least acknowledge that you'll be getting that very soon, because of the baby's age.

Most family attorneys can type up the consent to adopt forms. I'd be glad to e-mail you the questions generally asked on a home study, so that way, you can save a lot of money. Ask if they do it by the hour, rather than by the job. It can cost anywhere from $250.00 upwards to $2500.00. A few states require that you have an agency work with you, and some states require that the mother receive counseling. The laws can vary greatly.

Our adoption costs were minimal, with the home study around $350.00, the attorney's fees were $500.00, and the filing costs were $140.00. There were also fees for the birth certificates, which were $57.00, which our attorney had to file for in our state, because of the name change on them. Good luck!

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