How do I tell my daughter I don’t want her in my life?

FYRE & REIGN

Tell her who her real Dad is and let her go look for his family. She wants to be part of a family and lost her adoptive mother so let her latch onto her biological father and his sisters, etc. to fill that need.

mark j

your a *****

Mom to Foster Children

That's cruel! Why did you even agree to have lunch with her?

Kishauna_P

I could never imagine not wanting any of my children in my life.... I don't know how selfish you really are wanting to "protect" your status, but that is the fruit of your loins and all she wants is to know where she came from. Giving her up was the right thing to do at the time, but rejecting her now???? I don't get it either. But I will pray for you all.

KatrinaGabrielle

Thats terrible that you dont want your own daughter.
you should be ashamed of yourself, you should let her meet her sisters and let her be a part of your life, how would you feel if your mother told you she did not want you in her own life.

andrew L

Wow. that is your daughter and your responsibility. it is your fault she is in this world and you want nothing to do with her. I think you owe it to her for her to be with you. I agree with the post above mine

Brin

Why can't you accept her now? She's grieving. I understand your position back then, but why now? Imagine her position and her life. I understand how you feel yes, but you should have never agreed to meet her in the first place. You've put yourself in a position now that you'll just have to accept. Best of luck to you.

jeff m

Please be honest and understanding. This person is looking for something and you are the closest thing she has. I would suggest talking about this to your current husband and probably discussing it with your daughters. She is a part of you and I understand that you have 'moved on' but she hasn't and needs to understand and come to terms about this. Be compassionate as possible. I suggest meeting her at a therapists office to discuss this (in a neutral place will help with a mediator). Good luck and I hope you understand she needs support.

Brittany M

Ok, first look at this please: you have created huge problems for your daughter then you ever would have had raising her and not getting into the college you wanted. Your daughter spent her life wondering why you didn't love her, and why you didn't want her. She probably had millions of little friends who their grandparents could come up to her and pinch her cheaks and say "you look just like your mommy!"; and she could never have that. And then she's lost the only women who actually loved her, and she's completely lost. Every women needs/wants their mother, so she goes to look for the actual one, probably telling herself that you had to do what you had to do and you probably regret it just a little. and that you probably want to see her. Then you do this for her? you'v crushed her life! When she has kids there will be no one there to tell her what to expect, or to be there when she gives birth. Before worrying how she is going to ruin your life, think of how much she has lost and think really hard before taking something else from her

MissTruffles

Your daughter just lost her mother and is now probably trying to contact/be with you to fill the void she's feeling. I don't understand how you can just sweep your daugther under the mat just like that. I think you should still let her see you and your new family. It's not like she's going to become apart of the family. I don't know -- your daughter is feeling really lonely and she's just trying to find someone that loves her. So, because of this, I don't think you should tell her you don't want her in your life.

â™¥Lynsieâ™¥

Wow thats awful...You should be glad, and happy to have her back in your life.

Barbara M

NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU POST THIS IN EVERY CATEGORY, YOU ARE GOING TO GET THE SAME ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU NEED SOME HELP! YOU ARE HEARTLESS, HATEFUL, AND SELFISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

morrigin

Well from what you have to say she'd be much better off without YOU in her life.
You're a cruel, cruel woman and I hope someday your badness comes back to bite you on the ***.

Good luck and thoughts to your daughter. I hope she realises she's too good for you!

Cam

Wow....your comments are very disturbing and selfish to me. You gave her up because it interrupted your life and you couldn't raise her 22 years ago. I'd think you might be more grown up by now.

GiGi!

You brought her into this world, you selfish *****. She lost her mother and needs something. She has a right to know her sisters, and they have a right to know about her. It is understandable why you gave her up for adoption, and she is much better off. Don't you realize that she is of your flesh just like your other daughters? How dare you deny her knowing where she came from- You are going to burn for whay you are doing, and no amount of wealth and social status is going to save you. Remember that karma is a *****- You get back what you give tenfold- Don't be suprised when you are dying alone because your "2 beautiful daughters" grew up to be just like you, selfish and heartless. You make me sick.

snowwillow20

You certainly got people worked up, didn't you. As a birth mother, I think you were pretty cruel. I understand that you want everything that money can buy and you want the prestige of money, but good grief, you are an adult now and should know better that to treat anyone as trashy as you did her.
I found my birthdaughter in 2001 she was 29 and she wondered what took me so long. I'm so happy I found her, she has enriched my life. I could never give her away again.

bebegirl12

How could you do something like that you should love all of your children

Devin's mom

Try to put yourself in her situation. This girl has and had decisions made for her that she had no control of and you are continuing to do that. Why are your feelings more important than hers. She may have spent her whole life not feeling any connection physically and possibly emotionally to anyone. Whether you like it or not, you made a decision and now should be grown up enough to live with it. You are not only depriving her but possibly your other two as you say beautiful daughters. I take it you don't consider her beautiful. Guessing because she has caused another kink in your perfect life.

What do you think your other daughters will think of you if sometime when they are much older they find out that you have not only kept this secret from them but didn't allow them the opportunity to meet her and made the decision for themselves. I realize that the 7 year old is a little young but at 11 she is old enough to completely understand this.

While I understand that you do not have nor should you have any motherly attachment nor responsibility to this girl, you should have some moral and human responsibility to treat her with dignity and the respect she deserves. To just say go away and forget I ever had a part into bringing you into this world is truly cruel.

It does not appear that you even gave her or yourself a chance to get to know each other. Families are build in a second but friendship can sometimes take a little longer.

Sometimes the true selfishness of people in this world still makes me shake my head.

Rej

lots of couple want child. and you're blessed to have that daughter.if i were in her shoe, i would never contact you again and forget that i have a mother or i better think that my mother is already dead...
that hurts right?

ANDRE D

i think ur a *****.

pennteller

I have to agree with EVERYTHING that everyone else has said to this post, but would like to add a little of my own. My sister got pregnant in high school at 16, and put her son up for adoption. She knew that at that age she did not have the necessary means to care for a child and knew that she would not be able to continue to college, she was validictorian of her high school. Each and every day we think of this young boy, and she and her husband (also the father) can only hope that one day HE will contact them. He needs to know that he was loved, and they decided to have him adopted so that everyone will have a better life.

I think that it is very sad that your daughter, lost her REAL mother. And even though you did not want her, and apparently STILL don't, you should at least give her the courtesy of meeting your family, and having somebody to talk to so that she can grieve, and not feel completely and totally abandoned.

Still Me

I smell a rat.

You have posted this question three times and have gotten over 150 answers. What more can you possibly be needing from us?

I personally do not believe your post. I have worked with birthmothers for over 25 years and have never met one who felt the way you do. However, if you are real, it is your right to feel this way, and I support your position.

But why go on a site like this and ask it over and over? That does not seem real at all.

gmc05gal

You sound so selfish... She is your flesh and blood and you are kicking her to the curb.. What would you do if your Bio mom suddenly said I dont need you in my life .. Go away and dont ever call me again...
Think about it... I would love to have a second child but cant.. our first is adopted.. husband does not want to adopt anymore children.. Please think twice.... You will have to live with this for the rest of your life...

Hope

Wealth and your social status will never bring you total happiness. I feel bad for your first born. If you were so worried about what your were destined for you should have used birth control or made your young and stupid partner in crime use a condom. It is not her fault she is in this world and not her fault she feels alone and wants to know where she comes from and who the rest of her family is. Maybe with your wealth and social status you can buy a heart and hopefully your other children will not turn out as cruel and heartless.

Psalm91

She's 22 years old. She's asking to meet her sisters not to move in and ruin your perfect life. I disagree with the previous answerer (who said she is your responsibility), she is not your responsibility since you did give her up, but don't you think she at least deserves to meet her sisters? I can't imagine finding out that I had siblings but because of someone else's selfishness I could not meet them. I'd also hate to be in your shoes when someday your other daughters find out about their sister and are angry with you for not allowing them to meet her (even if they didn't know who she really is).

palmyrafan

Yeah, don't you hate it when life just rains on your parade? Imagine. Finally achieving what you really wanted, two beautiful children, loving husband, nice home and social status. Who does she think she is trying to ruin it?

Get over yourself lady. You did your birth daughter a favor by giving her up.

She is at a loss right now. She lost the mother figure in her life. She may also have more questions for you. She also may not understand why you don't want her in your life. She may just want to meet your daughters to see what they have that she doesn't. Why you would want them, but not her. But I would imagine that it would be kind of hard to explain this "mistake" to your social peers wouldn't it?

I gave up my firstborn too, and I was pleased that she ever wanted to meet me. I do not try to take her parents place, instead, I am a trusted friend. She has parents who love her so much and I feel Blessed that she was lucky enough to have them in her life. When she wants advice I always tell her to seek her parents advice first.

There has never been a single day that I haven't thought about her and missed her. I even told my husband and our children about her. And they understand.

The biggest favor you can do her is get out of her life. You're not worth her time.

I told my second daughter about her older sister when she was 5 years old and we were playing dolls. Her response? "That's nice mommy, please pass Barbie". It never bothered her and she still asks about my firstborn. She also stated that if I hadn't told her and she had found out from someone else, that she never would have trusted me again

ellenmarie_47

I can't believe this. I read alot of the answers and I agree. Just one question....If something happened to the other 2 daughters you have now, would you want her in your life then? Think about it. Life throws us some wicked curve balls to make us see more clearly. So watch out. The choice is yours so don't waste too much time cause if your first daughter gets smart she may walk away from you for good. And who could blame her?

Harley

Obviously she learned how to be caring and wasn't told a single bad thing about you. You on the other hand are still a selfish, selfish human being. Yes, it would alter a few things in life but imagine your other daughters having an older sister, how great that could be for them. I understand that you gave her up but, damn. Why did you even agree to meet with her? That was what f'd you over here. Why can't you hvae the very life you are having plus 1? Is that so terrible? I mean she had a mom, you are just the mother, she just wants to know herself I'd bet and you can't even do that for her?

Tell her you are still a selfish, cold-hearted person that only cares about yourself and can't care for another child she gave up 22 years ago. Maybe that'd help ease her pain.

R Palmer

I'm probably the only person in this forum that can see your side, at 30 I just got a friend pregnant but I don't want anything to do with it. is it not better to let the child find its own way in life than further destroying its life by saying you were just an accident - I speak from experience as I have grown up as that failure, it has never be verbalized to me but from past stories I all to well know it. Continue to live your life and just like the people in this room ignore them and follow what your heart says is the right thing to do. its the bible bashers that will try to hurt you anyone that truly is religious be it Buddah/God/ or Lord and Lady, would say that there is no wrong or right way to deal with this situation, you have a loving family that depends on you. look to the future not the past.

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