How do birth mothers who have their child up for adoption feel that's its benefited them?

Nikki

I gave my son up for adoption hes going to be 3 months on the 19th
It hurts a lot but knowing hes in a home where they couldnt have a family before he came along & the fact that they will love him & take care of him & give him the things he wouldn't have gotten from me is simply worth the pain.
Everyday it hurts more & more but I see the pictures & he has a smile on his face & thats all that matters!
Adoption is something for the unselfish. To give what others cant have.
Whether it be the parents who are adopting the child or the child itself.
& having the satisfaction that you don't have to worry if you would be able to take care of your child or not.

go ahead and give me thumbs down. but it benefits me knowing my child is happy & well taken care of!!!

Lori A

No benefits. Only hurt. Since you don't want to hear it, thanks for the two points.

MamaKate

Absolutely no benefits for me in my situation. As a matter of fact, it has made my life and the lives of my children far more complicated.

kitta

No benefits. It is a negative experience.

Camira B

None. I can not think of one thing that I'd consider a benefit. I'm curious as to why you're asking this question. And why would you only want to hear about the benefits? For that matter, why would you even think there were any?

sunny

I have been in reunion with my 67 y.o. mother for over 20 years.

She would tell you that surrendering me to adoption was the worst thing that has ever happened to her--she has NEVER gotten over it.

Dreamweaver ILF posse 2009

Boy am I gonna get slammed.

I'm a bmom. 22 years ago. The benefits for me were being able to know my son was growing up in a family without drug abuse (me), boyfriend abusing me and with parents who were/are able to give him what I could NOT at that time.

And yes, If you've never done it, BUTT OUT! You have NO idea the pain involved. I'm not a saint or courageous or brave

myst1998

One I am NOT a "birth" mother more than any other woman who has birthed and raised a child.

Secondly, benefits?? Are you out of your mind? Benefits.... Lets see... it depends on whether or not you like seeing people suffer... if you did then pain, heartbreak, anguish... all would be 'benefits'. Otherwise I would have to say N.O.N.E.

Heather B

None.

I'm amazed how many people who've never had the experience feel qualified to speak on first mothers' behalves!

Felicita1

I can promise you that 99% of the people who give the "positive answers" here have almost certainly never surrendered a child for adoption. And they always tell us what we SHOULD be feeling as our actual feelings are discredited and dismissed all the time.

Yes, you may think you are surrendering your child so they will have "a better life" but then you find out what you would have been just as capable of raising your child yourself, especially if the supports and resources that were your right had been accessible or you had been told about them. Lots of advertising money goes into convincing mothers that surrendering their babies is a "good" and "heroic" act. This line wears thin very quickly.

There are no guarantees. You cannot guarantee the people who adopt won't get divorced, won't abuse your child, or won't become alcoholics.

There ARE no positives. Are there positives to having been raped?

ETA -- Okay, one benefit and only one, based on one answerer (dreamweaver) below: If you are a self-admitted drug abuser who would likely abuse a child and lose them to CPS anyway, it is a way of saving your child from your self. VERY few natural mothers who surrender fit this description. I certainly did not: I did not drink, smoke, or do drugs. I was a church-going hard-working A-student.

Not Adopted

Benefits = NONE

ETA: To all those who want to chime in with the adoption mythology (even though you've never had the experience) - MYOB. You don't know what you're talking about.

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

What on earth made you think that there are benefits for the natural mother?

There are no benefits unless you are the adoptive parents or the agency that gets to cash the $30000 check

Flying Monkey #073177

I no longer have to worry about pesky things like feeling emotions for others or having an ego, not an inflated ego but an ego in general

Mary G

There are benefits? Gosh someone forgot to tell me that! Is one of themn lifelong heartache and pain? Or is the lifelong guilt one? Gee there are so many things I got from the "adoption experience" I just can't name them all! Perhaps it is the mental health issues I and my child have experienced? Hmmm.. guess you didn't want the real answer did you?

gypsywinter

This question was asked looking for answers from natural mothers, not adoptive mothers/parents. No adoptive parent can be the 'voice' for any mother who has surrendered her child to adoption, yesterday or today. You simply do not have the right to speak on 'behalf' of. It is only your perspective and your opinion, but no adoptive mother can rightly answer this question, again for any mother who has surrendered a child to adoption. And that is not to say that some mothers will say, they 'benefitted' from surrender. Just as some mothers did not benefit, I am sure there are others that would say they had.

Personally, surrendering my newborn, did not benefit me in any way, shape or form. It caused me a lifetime of grief, regret and sorrow. It also would impact the parenting of my subsequent children..causing me to be very over-protective of them. Protection is always good, but over-protection can stunt a child and not allow them to unfurl their precious wings. I was never ashamed of being pregnant nor of giving birth...but for the longest time I truly believed I was but one of a very few who could surrender her own child for adoption, and I was immensely ashamed of that. Only because I did not know or realize the 'influences', the agendas that were swirling around me and my newborn in 1964. I was naive and ignorant in 1964. Today I can say I have educated myself about the coercive, abusive, discriminatory adoption practices that would insure the surrendering of my baby to adoption. I am no longer naive nor ignorant at the age of 62. And also today, I am no longer ashamed. Today I know that thousands upon thousands of young unmarried women went thru the same thing I did. No this misery does not enjoy the company of, but the knowledge of knowing what I didn't know yesterday, has most certainly allowed me to shed the immense burden of shame. The shame belongs to all those who would 'abandon' all those young mothers like myself, and help theirselves to our babies.

naughty girl

How would you think it feels? It was the most traumatic thing I have ever had been though in my life.I felt awful, I cried for weeks straight and it took years for me to somewhat get over it!

janine k

How can there be benefits for either side of the adoption story.First you have a mother who will probably never get to know what their child grows up to be and will always wonder whether this child is happy or not and secondly there is always a child who wonders how their mother could give them up and who will always want to know their history.The only people who seem to benefit are the people who adopt the child as they get what they want.

Tilden J.

There are lots of benefits. Your child gets to have the life that they deserve. You also make another family's dreams come true. If it's an open adoption like my daughters is, you get a whole new family. When your family gets bigger, your blessings multiply.

futaberry

benefits being that you've turned a potentially negative situation into a positive one, by allowing someone to care for your child better than you could at this point in your life.

Yarr

If you're going to give the kid up because you didn't want the kid to begin with but were absolutely against abortion for whatever reason then you'd be getting your life back. Unfortunately you'd have to waste nine months of your life and a whole heck of a lot of your money to get back to that point. (And that's why I'm pro-choice.)

If you're giving it up because you don't have the money to raise a kid then obviously, the benefit to you is keeping you out of the poorhouse. Same goes for if you're extremely young and the only way for you to raise a kid is to mooch off your parents but they refuse to offer financial support.

If you really want to keep the kid but are giving it up to: make another couple happy, because someone is 'forcing' you to, etc. then there isn't really a benefit.

Edit: She was asking about benefits to the mother, not benefits to the kid. If the woman doesn't want the kid adoption is more beneficial than being forced to use all your resources raising a kid you don't give a crap about.

That being said, I wish you had to provide an explanation before you could give someone a thumbs down. I'm sure the explanations would be quite amusing considering my answers were just common sense.

Esmerelda

The benefits are knowing that the child you gave up will have the benefit of a good start in life that you aren't able to give them. That you've given two people that desperately want to be parents the most precious gift of all. The ability to grow up and become a parent when parenthood is the right thing for all concerned.

Does it hurt to give up a child - of course it does. You never forget. But at least you gave your child the gift of a loving family to grow up in. It beats the heck out of growing up with two people in a reluctant marriage and getting beaten to a pulp by the boyfriend who didn't want you in the first place.

harley w

To give a loving home to a man and woman that can't have kids

What a gift!!!!!

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