How do i explain my recent adoption to my nieces?

HappyMomAnna

We had a 6 year old niece when we adopted siblings age 5 and 1 from foster care. We didn't have the trans-racial issues but, our niece had been the baby of every side of her family--and the children we adopted came from abuse and neglect so we recognized that for our Niece the situation was going to be the most difficult On Her.

We spent time before placement with her and attempted to make her a Part of the Great New family members. We gave her age appropriate information about our children's situation so that she would have some understanding.

We also created a Family Information Newsletter in order to keep all of the Adults in the Know about any concerns and information that Might need to have in order to help them understand and process with their children OUTSIDE of phone and personal conversations that might be overheard.

It was very helpful and we found it was very valuable for our extended family to be "educated" before there were any major moments that might be hurtful to any of the children.

Our newsletters pass on some of the Expert Advice, Research and methods that people find helpful when dealing with the "adoption" feelings we may or may not know any one person might be feeling or thinking. It makes it possible for Us to be Up Front and not force uneducated family members to try and find the right words or way to talk to us about any issues they might be thinking in their minds.

After all, none of them attended training or spent 2 years learning about the dynamics we brought into our family.

I would suggest talking with your nieces parents first, mention your concern and see if they share it. When it comes to your nieces specifically, I would be honest with them, keep it simple and keep it age appropriate.
Also, share only that information which is necessary, sharing every detail of your childs adoption without first sharing it with them could cause problems later on. It should be their information to share if/when they are ready.

kateiskate

Please don't use any of that "They are in a loving home with parents who can take care of them" crap. It's completely patronizing and ridiculous.

How about you just be honest and explain that they are adopted? That they had another mommy and daddy before you became their parent. You don't need to be condescending or patronizing to children.

sizesmith

I saw on a scrapbooking page where the adoption story was told that a woman who couldn't take care of her child loved him enough to make sure that someone else could, (very shortened version here), and that the woman who adopted wanted to love a child, and couldn't have one of her very own, and that it was decided that the adoptive mother would adopt the baby and love him as if he were hers, and that even though his first mom loved him, she couldn't take care of him and still loves him.

If they ask about if they'd ever get put up for adoption, tell them that they are very loved and secure in their home, and not to worry.

cantstopLinnyG

Welcome to adoption. As an adult adoptee, I will tell you this- adoption reaches out with it's fingers and touches anyone and everyone. Your nieces WILL think that. Your new baby will also think there is a possibility that YOU may do the same to him or her.

Tell them the truth. That you couldn't or wouldn't have a baby of your own, and since you didn't want to parent a foster child and wanted a newborn, you chose International adoption.

Then, when your child and your nieces are older, you can show them these links. They could also be helpful to you, too:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/meast/03/2...

http://www.youtube.com/user/adoptedthemo...

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

http://www.amfor.net/acs

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/opi...

http://www.emediawire.com/releases/2004/...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27859660

http://www.foreignpolicy.com/story/cms.p...

Books:

The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier
Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND
Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton
The Adopted break Silence by Jean Paton
The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler
Adoption: Uncharted Waters,by David Kirschner
Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David Brodzinsky

Rena

Hmm tricky question.

I would try explaining that they are in a loving home, but some babies for different reasons also need to find loving homes. And that you decided to help welcome this baby into the loving family, so that they can have a good life just like the other girls do.

rachael

be honest. dont use the "their parents loved them soooo much so they gave them a better life" BLAH!! talk about screwing up a kid. then they think they are next up. mommy says 'i love you' they think they are shipping out.

just tell them, dont use any flowery adages. dont make it into a huge discussion. it will shoot you in the foot later.

csi_speedchick

Tell them how much you love them. Tell them that the child you adopted didn't have a loving home like they do so you wanted to give the child a home to be loved in.

Danielle B

Tell them that your babies birth parents loved your baby so much that they wanted a better life for him than what they could provide, so they choose you to raise their baby and love him. They are 5, they won't ask many more questions than that, they will just be excited to have someone to play with.

Congrats on your adoption, I wish you and your new little one the best!

'Insert name here'

Just tell them that not every body gets a baby in the same way, and that you love these children like their parents love them.

princessogt1

Just explain to them that some children don't get the opportunity to have good homes like you do and I want that for these children. They will understand then.

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