How do i explain this to my son???

Petra

I was adopted by my mothers husband and he is on my birth certificate and wasn't told until I was an adult and I am happy they didn't tell me. My sister is my sister and my dad is my dad. I had no abandonment issues over my bio-dad not being around. I felt it was for the best. I think I would have dealt with a lot of hurts growing up knowing my bio-dad didn't want me and feeling an outside cause my sisters was my adopted dad's bio-child. I am happy they waited.

katesolo

You have several years before the topic should come up. If the biological father is truly out of the picture for good, there should be no problem putting your husband on his birth certificate and having him adopt him. Explain it when he's old enough to fully understand. Be open about it, and be honest. I'd wait until he is at least 5 or 6. Possibly even older, so he's old enough to understand that while the father he knows is his father, there was another man who technically helped conceive him, who is no longer part of his life, and never has been. Make sure your son knows that you and your husband both love him very much and the fact that he has a different bioligical father doesn't take the place of his real father.

esquireinquire

Don't worry. Your son will love the man who loved and raised him even if he is not the biological father. It's funny but kids are have it in them to know who cares for them--it's a survival technique for them. My mother's situation was almost identical to yours. She told me that I had another father when I was like 3 or 4. Even at that young age I remember thinking so what I have a dad right here. I never wanted to meet the "other" biological father. I did meet him as I grew older but my love for the dad who raised me remains. As I grew older I appreciated my dad even more knowing that he stepped up to the plate and loved me even though he did not have to! My dad always tells me I am a gift from God. That God gave me him. He is the biological father of my siblings but I never felt a difference in the way he treats me and them. I think that is very important as well. So I do not think you should worry. It will all work out and your son is simply blessed and loved!

F T

I wouldn't worry about it until he's five or so. Just be honest, and keep it simple.

MissMcClain

The only reason why he would need to know who his real father is , is for health purposes only. Dad is whoever acts like Dad for him.

itchianna

The subject will and should come up. Start talking about it now. Make it a natural part of his growing up. Dad can say things like, I sure missed having these days with you. I am so glad you came into my life. When the boy is old enough to understand he will know it was a positive.

Jynxiâ„¢

adoption is something ive been through ALOT and im only 16......and i would've killed to be in this situatuion. Let your husband "adopt" him. [The husband really loves him so let him be the father figure]. Don't tell the boy until he is old enough to understand. Trust me, its better that way. Good Luck.

Crucio

Being that you son is so young youâ€™ll probably have a few years before this question will even come up when it does all you can do is be honest with him. Tell him that another man helped create him but HIS Daddy is the man that has stepped up to the plate and been his father.

blkmiss

Don't wait until he's 18. I knew several people who had that happen & it was really screwed up.

jayset

Answer his questions when HE asks them. Some parents like to explain things to their children for their (parents') own conscience, and the child may not even have thought to ask. Also, just answer the qustion asked. Usually a simple answer is all the child needs. He doesn't need all the details. Above all, answer truthfully.

hay

If you tell him when hes younger mabey about 4/5 its better because younger kids tend to not care if the father is biological or not, however he still may be a little upset. but he'll eventually get over it. And if he really loves your husban like a father it shouldnt matter if hes biological or not. just the fact that he raised him.

* JuSt Me *

The best thing you can do for your children is to be completely honest with him... he will be happy that he is loved by your new husband... he doesn't know the other guy anyway... If you aren't honest in the beginning, he will not be happy about it later.

Good luck!

Emily J

My little brother is actually my cousin. His "dad" is my uncle. My uncle got a girl preg. MY uncle has been in jail over 30 times. The girl, who we'll call Lisa, has been in jail 10 times or so. My uncle, Let's call him Jim, was in jail when my brother, let's call Tim, was born. That's when it all started.

Jim was abusive to Lisa, and Lisa was abusive back. They had very bloody fights, in front of Tim, sometimes Tim was included. Tim was shaked, thrown, hit, and squeezed by his birth parents all before he was a year old.

A few times it got so bad that some of the apartment neighbors called the police.

Around the time Tim was 11 months old, he had to stay with us because Lisa and Jim were getting in trouble A LOT with the police. He had no where to stay, and we were planning on only keeping him for about 3 weeks or so.

Today, he is 5 years old. He is still living with us. Tim doesn't have our last name yet, but we don't remember that and still love him. He even goes around saying his full name with our last name.

He doesn't think 'Daddy Jim' is his real father, since Jim doesn't act like one. He acts more like a regular person that Tim just had to visit. No real bond. Not like the bond he shows with my father.

Kristin C

If you choose to tell him, just tell him the truth that he is not a mistake, and that the man he calls dad loved him enough to step in and take care of him.

Odie

Just be honest. If the subject ever comes up just tell him what happened and that you met his Daddy and fell in love and now you are married. A Dad is not someone who "makes" you a Dad is someone who raises you, who loves you more than anything, someone who is always there for you and supports you. Call the other man his Birth Father and his Dad who raised him Dad. Its stange but you figure things out and it makes sence. You dont have to expalin it to him now.. I was in preschool when I figured out I was adopted. I was sitting on my Moms lap and pointed at her stomach and said "thats where Im from" she said "no actually you and your sister were from another woman who gave birth to you and that makes you adopted which is a very special thing, now your daddy and I have you and we love you very much" I just jumped down and said "ok" from then On I understood that I was not born from her and my Dad but that they were the ones that I knew because they raised me and loved me enough to take me in. You can just explain it to your son that he has another father that is called is birth father but his real Daddy is the one who loves him and takes care of him. He will just learn it and understand it trust me. Its strange but if you just grow up knowing it doesnt seem odd to the child.

justaratchethead

Be honest with your son and tell him the truth, he will respect you for it later. If you lie to him he will hate you for it later. Honesty is always the best policy

Fiona

You don't have to tell him right now. I would say wait until he is about 4 or maybe 5 until you tell him. He is to young to understand right now. When you do talk to him about it tell him that even though your husband is not his by blood that he is however his son by heart.

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