How do you feel about open adoptions within extended families?

Sylvan

I think it's a good thing, the child doesn't get the same 'mummy didn't want me' feeling that can sometimes come with outside adoption, still gets to see their birth mum, but is getting the care and support they need from an older mum. As long as the birth mum realises that the adopted mum has the final say in the child's life, that is.

African American and Hispanic families have done this for generations. My grandmother took in my cousin because my aunt was an alcoholic. She never formerly adopted him or even got guardianship. I have aunts that raised nieces and nephews after one parent died and the other was overwhelmed with 5 kids. So they took at the two oldest ones and he kept the rest. In abut 6 years he was in a better place and he got his daughters back. They knew who their dad was and saw him all the time.
It is called family helping family

lucyrules

um i actually dont know how i feel about it..
well it would be hard for the child because they wouldnt understand why they are living with their (lets say aunt).. but its hard for the parents of the child because they have to see them all the time and although they can be there all the time in their life the child probably feels more love towards the aunt as she helped the child go through all the problems..
also i think if there was drama in the family with the child and aunt they would say well fine ill just go and live with my actual parents.
i think the child could possibly feel like its not stable and can be bounced around the family.
i prefer open adoptions where the child always knows they are adopted. they are allowed to request contact if they want and can choose what they want. This allows the child to be in a steady family with a normal family and the child doesnt have to have contact with the parents if they dont want to..
i personally think its horrible when someone doesnt find out they are adopted until a teenager as it causes so much more stress on a person than if they had known forever and they would just accept it.. i have known a 23 year old who found out he had a different father and he went off rails for a year and i have known an 18 year old who found out she was adopted and dealt with it fast but boy did she have a hard time.

kateiskate

That is preferrably the first option I think people should look at when they are unable to parent for some reason or another. However, I don't really believe the relatives need to adopt the child and become the child's adoptive parents. I think it's better for the family to become legal guardians of the child so when the parents get their life back in order they can once again parent their children.

Carmela

it's a good idea only if the family is a healthy, stable family. if the family is not healthy, the kids should be adopted outside.

grapesgum

I stand up and cheer any family that prevents a child being given away to strangers. While I was on my feet cheering, I would also be handing the family information on kinship care and guardianship agreements that provide for the child within the family but does not legally change the parentage of the child. As long as it is not dangerous for the child to be in a guardianship/kinship agreement, I think it is preferable to adoption. However, if the stability of the child's care is uncertain, adoption may be better.

This family sounds like a good candidate for kinship/guardianship as long as the ties amongst the extended family are stable and loving.

It is FAR more healthy for the child than being sent into exile to live with people who have no family ties.

IDK!!

Our son was in no way related to us, but after we adopted him, our family accepted his family. We've done things all together. I don't think it's weird at all. It's similar to the relationship that a family would have with their family members ex husband/wife, but without the tension.

MamaKate

If it is simply a matter of "means"; then I would first urge the family to support the mother in finding the resources to help care for her child. There are literally hundreds of programs, both public and private (non-profit) who offer assistance and services to young mothers for everything from food to education to housing. There is FAR more aid available for single mothers than single women! (Especially when it comes to educational/business grants, loans and programs!)

If parenting is still not feasible after checking out what kind of assistance is available, then perhaps kinship guardianship until Mom gets on her feet. (At 19, even if she goes to college first, she could be finished by the time the child is 4!) I would reserve adoption as a last resort - due to its expense and complexities.

Good luck to your family, especially Mom and baby! I hope everything works out for the best!

http://www.usa.gov/Citizen/Topics/Family_Issues.shtml
http://www.co-abode.com/
http://www.angelfoodministries.com/
http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=help+for+single+moms&fr=yfp-t-501&toggle=1&cop=mss&ei=UTF-8
http://www.cwla.org/advocacy/2006legagenda09.htm

Dark_Fire_Angel

In all honesty it really depends on the family. I personally know birth mothers who placed there children in there own families and they might have as well placed them with adoptive parents on how they were treated. As soon as there aunt or uncle even in some cases a brother and sister had the birth mothers child that was it. They would toss her out not give her any kind of communication with them and it sometimes divided a family because they no longer wanted the birth mother involved. People lie including your family members because ive seen it happen to many birth mothers. In adoption you just honestly have to try your best to pick the right couple because even in families you'll get people who want nothing to do with you once they have the child.

Heather B

I think remaining with the family is the next best thing to remaining with your own mother.

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