How do you go around giving your baby up for adoption? are there different types and how?

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

Ok, I just want you to know that I kow how you feel, I have been there. I was 19 when I got pregnant and I had my son one month before I turned 20. I am certainly not trying to be rude, but I must wonder, why are you wanting to relinquish you child?

Is it because you are single? So am I, and let me tell you, it is NOT as bad as people make it out to be. Now, I DO have the support of my family, and that helps a ton, but I am still the one that provides the support for my son, I am the one that raises him, and I wouldn't have it any other way. If you are wanting a "Two parent home" for your child? Remember, that the divorce rate is out of control, and more than likely, your child will end up being raised by a single parent anyway. Then what? You loose a child, your child looses his heritage (and YOU, which is all he really wants anyways) all for a situation which is no better than he would have had anyways REMEMBER! You will not always be single! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!!

Is it because you are young? Honestly, people used to have children at 16 ROUTINELY and did a great job with them. It is an extreamly new development that women wait untill their 30's to have children. I am 21 now, and let me tell you, I am a wonderful mother. I love my son more than anything. Age is only a number, you CHOOSE to be a good or bad parent! REMEMBER! You will not always be young! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!!

Is it because you are in school? So am I. I am in Nursing School. I go to school at night, so my mom or my aunt can watch Jayden. Going to school while being a mom is not that bad. So you have to move your schedual around a little, so what? I promise, it pays off in the end. Being a mom is SOOOO much more fun than getting drunk every weekend at a frat house. And guess what, you can STILL party sometimes, you just find a babysitter for the night. I have never met a woman that became a mother and COMPLETELY gave up having a little fun every once in a while. REMEMBER! You will not always be in school! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!!

Is it because you don't think that you will be able to support the child? I thought that too. I had to move back in with my Mom, I got on Medicaid, WIC, and other government programs. You will get AWESOME scholarships and Grants for having a child. I will end up oweing next to nothing for school. You child does't want a fancy nursery, name brand clothes, and a trust fund, he wants YOU! You are ALL that he knows, and ALL that he wants. A baby is accutely aware of who his mother is immediatly after birth. This is the modern world, people will NOT allow you and you child to go without basic necessities. There are second hand stores that have REALLY cute stuff for next to nothing. REMEMBER! You will not always be struggling! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!!

I really hope you do your research (and that does NOT mean asking adoption agencies what they think, they make money from separting you from your child)

I also hope that you do not make a decision untill after your baby is born. There is NO rush, why don't you try to parent him for a while? At least then you will know...

monkeykitty83

You shouldn't have to starve either. There are alternatives to help low-income families, and you shouldn't just accept being unable to meet your basic needs, while living in the United States. There are programs meant to help with this kind of crisis situation.

Have you looked into the possibility of welfare or unemployment benefits? WIC and/or foodstamps, to help you feed yourself and your baby? Medicaid, to cover your medical expenses? State subsidized housing? You are probably eligible for some or all of this.

Adoption should be only if you don't want to parent your baby. If you do, and the issue is money, there are means of support available-- at least on a temporary basis, till you get on your feet-- from the government. It's not right for mothers to starve either.

Adoptionissadnsick

Nobody will starve. a breastfeeding mom only needs 500 extra calories per day and your body will make all the nourishment your baby needs for the first 2 years.

Selfish, is buying into all the glory of "birthmothers giving a big gift, being brave etc"....it's a lie to con you out of an infant. Your baby will be the one to pay the price of life without you. You are the only one your baby wants, needs and loves.

ETA: It is not your responsibility to provide anyone a baby, no matter how much they may "deserve" one. Those people want any baby. Your baby only wants you and you are the only one your baby will love and trust UNCONDITIONALLY. Lots of people come via unplanned pregnancies and they are kept and loved. You can rise to this occasion. It will be difficult, but it will pale in comparison to the difficulties your child will face after being raised by strangers. No amount of material comforts or privlidge will replace the loss of you.

Sly

Mothers are not like replacement parts, we are not interchangeable. Your child will miss your smell, your taste, your unique you-ness. 20 is not too young to have a child, and designer clothing is not necessary for a child. You can do this. You will have help. Don't sell yourself short, or buy into the crap that the people are telling you about you not being deserving enough to raise your child. God thought you were.

Of course you are frightened, and nervous and unsure of your ability. I can promise you that every mother who ever birthed a child felt that way exactly. I did every time. I know now, almost 42 years later, that God knew more about who should parent my child than the Social Workers did. I wager She knows you can do it, too.

kidmindi

"I'm going to be 20 tuesday and there are more deserving people that want to be parents"

This part of your answer has me concerned. You ARE deserving enough to raise your baby if you want to. There are programs out there to help you financially.

Just because you are yonug and poor doesn't mean you have to give your baby up.

If you are SURE you want to place your child for adoption, then do some reseacrch and see if you can find a reputable agency, or contact family services.

Good luck in whatever decision you decide to make.

bananarama

Yes there are different ways of adopting. You can either turn it over to the state to be adopted out or you can contact agencies. You could also check the newspaper there could be couples that post an ad trying to go around the agency. Im sorry for everyone attacking you. I am an adoptee meaning I was adopted and even I have been attacked on here for my feeling. I think alot of people in this section are bitter and take it out on whoever they can. Please rember in what ever your decision that it is a forever decision. You child will go through some emotional pain but it will make them stronger. I feel as though I am a great person and I am happy my mother made the decision she did. You might want to read some books just so you fully understand how your child might feel. There are many books about adoption. And If you do give your child up. Make a baby book or something for them write them a letter or something they will always have to remember you by. So they wont question their past. I will pray that god show you the right decision. Please only do it if you feel it is your only option. It could be detremental for your child to find out later you had other children you kept and not them. Please think good and hard. Possibly go to a local church you trust. I bet someone in there wants to adopt a child or would even be able to offer you food and support so you wouldnt have to give your child up. Please look into all the other options before you decide

sundragonjess

You can either go to an adoption agency or find someone privately.

Julie C

Well, I don't know if you've had the baby alraeady or you are still pregnant...I had my son at 21 years old, so I understand the difficulty..but I have to say he is the absolute best thing in my life. I'm sure this is a difficult decision, but think it through. Don't give up on motherhood that easy. It is definitely workable. Like a previosu post said there are many government programs that can help. It will be difficult, but I haven't found many mothers who really don't enjoy their child...however, if you are completely sure that you don't want to give it a try / or that it is not just going well, there are many options for adoption...look up agencies in the yellow pages near where you live...they're probably better than going through the government. Good luck, but definitely think about your decision.

Daisey Duck

Talk to social services they can help you with your plans and maybe give you some alternatives. An adoption agency also can help. You can Google some. Just be sure you check out the agency first and make sure it is on the up and up. Sometimes you church can also be of assistance. And remember only you can make this decision don't let anyone pressure you one way or the other.
You have different options on the type of adoption you choose, private, open, and choosing the parents before hand. When you talk to an agency or social services they can explain the differences to you so you are better able to make a decision

Not Adopted

Since when is 20 too young to have a baby?

kateiskate

Your baby will not STARVE if you keep him. Geez, way to be dramatic. There are all kinds of programs in place like WIC, Medicaid, Welfare, etc that are put into place to help keep women and their babies from starving. The only issue there is, is whether you are too proud or too 'selfish' to ask and accept for that type of help.

A baby needs its mother. Period. There is no substitute for it's mother and while it may love an adoptive family, it will always miss you and always wonder what's wrong with it that it you didn't keep it.

All of those 'deserving' people that want to be parents?? Parenting is not a right. If you can't get pregnant on your own that does not give you the right to go around looking for young women to give you their baby. That is ridiculous, selfish, and extremely entitled of people.

Your baby doesn't need material things or whatever it is you think an adoptive family can "provide". It needs you. And don't you think it would be great for your kid to grow up seeing you work hard to make a life for the two of you? That kid would grow up with a healthy appreciation for hard work and the understanding that anything worth having you can have if you are willing to put in the blood, sweat, and tears to get it.

*!<3~<3!*

Contact your local state office. They will probably be the best bet. And I give you kudos for opting for adoption. You are making the best choice for your child, if you know you will not be able to provide for them. Good luck with everything.

cmc

You can contact an agency to get started, or you can search online for "waiting families". However you should also know that there can be a lot of pressure put on a woman to place her baby for adoption. Not everyone involved in adoption is ethical, and some people wanting to adopt are too wrapped up in their own needs/wants to notice. If you do decide to place your baby you can only sign the paperwork after the birth. Once you sign the paperwork to relinquish your rights it is permanent,so make sure it is the right decision. Even if you choose and agency, "match" with adoptive parents, and get a little money for expenses (if you need it), you can still decide not to place your child for adoption. everyone involved should be support of this. It is a huge decision for you to make, and one that needs to be yours and the fathers only.

You can also decide the level of contact you want with the child after the adoption - none, cards and pictures, visits etc. However you should know that "open adotpion" agreements are not enforceable so you need to try to assess how sincere the family is about ongoing contact. Also if you don't know each other's full names and contact info the adoption is not open, so don't count on contact in the future.

I hope you will find the solution that is right for you and your child. We adopted a beautiful baby who is now 3 years old and the light of our lives. Her first mom doesn't want contact right now, but I'm hoping later she'll get to know my daughter and we can get to know her better.

Evelyn

First of all i think that you should be proud of yourself for making what sounds like a good decision for your baby.
Yes there are different ways to go about putting your child up for adoption. I'm from Canada, and here you can go about it two ways. You can contact The Children's Aid Society and they will let you choose and often meet the family that you choose to give your child to. the second option would be to contact a private adoption agency, where you can request to have an open adoption, where again you would choose and meet the couple that you choose to give the baby to, and as well an open adoption still allows you to receive letters and pictures of your child, as well as to have some contact with the adopted family.
Again, only you know what's right for your child, don't let other people place their judgments on you, planning the best future for your baby is the best gift that you could give to him/her
Good Luck!

yeahright

This isn't exactly a supportive place for those folks who are hurting or looking for guidance. I am very sorry for the hurtful things people say on here...all I can say is there are some lost souls who do some horrible things in the name of their causes and at the expense of others. They are short sighted, speaking from their own experiences completely unrelated to yours and don't know anything about you.

There are different types and many different ways to go about trying to figure things out. I PM'd you with some resources.

In the mean time, depending on how far you are along...take your time. You might be scared, unsure of what you want to do right now but it might be a good time to journal and get some focus on what adoption and what keeping a child and parenting might mean to you both in the short term and long term. Adoption isn't right for everyone but it is for a lot of people.

Good luck and wishing good karma your way regardless of your PERSONAL choice is.

lol21t

I would begin by contacting an agency in the yellow pages or online. Good luck!

loves christmas lights

You know what hun, your one of the most honest, and morally secure people on here. You have every right to make any desicion. I dont know what area your in so I cant really post links for your states options. Call planned parenthood or simply google adoption and the name of your state. I support any decision a mom makes, and especially if it relivant to a known situation. I know this isnt easy for you at all, you totally get it. Remember that old saying, You are the answer to someones prayer. Someone is going to have a lovely child because of your sincere desire what you want, your awesome in my book.

annie

I just wanted to say thank you so much. It is because of selfless people like you that I will soon be a mommy. My husband and were told that a woman is going to let us adopt her baby. We have never been so happy. I talk to her every day and our families know each other. What a wonderful blessing you will be giving the baby and the parents to be. Thank God for wonderful people like you.

Tersa B

I think it is so mature and responsible of you to want to give your child a better life. Honestly, I respect you for going through the pregnancy to give this child life, and then look to find him or her a great life--even if that isn't with you.

Also, you are giving someone the child they have always wanted. You are matching that kid up with someone who really wants them, and can take care of them. You are doing a good thing.

I'm adopted. My Birth mom was in a similar situation as you, and I truly appreciate that she loved and cared for me enough to give me up.

Now, to give her/him up for adoption...tell the hospital. They have more than one agency and will help you. If that does not work, you could try one of the pro-life groups. They can be a little goofy, but they usually have the good agencies and are more than willing to help you out.

I really hope I helped you. If you go into any trouble, go to a hospital. They are legally obligated to help you, and they will just take the kid.
There are different types of agency's, depending on what you want. Some will just take the baby and find it a good home. Others will involve you in finding the family you feel is right. Others will even council you through out the situation. It depends what you want.

Good luck.

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