How do you respond to the question, "What country"?

AnnaBelle

- Do you get this question too?

Yep. All the time. People are usually pretty incredulous when I answer, "This one."

- How do you feel when you do?

Annoyed, and like you, I have to resist the urge to get sanctimonious. I try to remember, though, that people not at all involved in adoption may not have ever even thought about it long enough to know any better.

The worst situation I ever had though was when my husband and I took our van in for service, and we had the kids there and were all waiting in the showroom. The guy who initially sold us the van was there, and was asking us how "foster parenting" was going...From our conversation when we bought the van, he knew we were planning on fostering at that time, and was interested because he himself had been in foster care for a portion of his childhood.

Anyway, another salesman overheard this, and later came up and asked us if these were our "foster kids". We were both a little annoyed by his bad manners, but we simply responded that yes, and we would be adopting them, sort of hoping that the conversation would end there.

It didn't.

He kept telling us that if we wanted more kids we should (and I kid you not) "get a kid from China". Apparently, his neighbour did this also, and "got a baby girl, and it was easy and quick." Now, not only do I know that it is neither "easy" nor "quick" to adopt from China, but I was floored that he couldn't comprehend what was wrong with what he was saying. My husband watched me get REALLY cranky, REALLY quick, and finally shut the guy down by asking him how many Chinese babies he's adopted himself.

Ignorance abounds.

DevonChaos

Just say "my own" or "this one" and leave it at that. Don't go off on a tangent or tirade, but if they are asking, they are obviously interested. Instead of talking about the negative things that are untrue about foster care, perhaps mention the positives and not the negatives. If you are crusading for foster care adoptions, just address the positives and unless someone brings up something negative, don't even go there. Just about anyone can give a list of typical negative responses about foster care. Break the mold. Laud it. Talk it up. That is, if you feel it is in any way the business of those who are asking.

Jennifer L

Funny. My children are from Africa, yet people ask us if we adopted them through social services.

Jennifer D

I know EXACTLY how you feel, especially since my sons are black and my daughter is Hispanic/Hawaiian and looks very exotic (and gorgeous, if I do say so myself).

I am a firm believer that anyone who wants to adopt should do it, and from any country they can. All children need and deserve a loving family.

However, I always get the question of "what country did you adopt from?" "Did you adopt your sons from Africa like Madonna?" "Is your daughter Guatemalan?" Gotta love it.

So I just say, "I adopted from right here in Central Texas. You know, it's amazing how many beautiful, smart, talented kids are right here under our noses, waiting to be adopted! People are often surprised to find out that my children were at one point in the foster care system, but I have to say that of the foster kids and former foster kids I've met, I have always been blown away by their strength, intellect, and willingness to love, despite what they have experienced in their young lives. I would encourage anyone to adopt locally, especially since it's often very inexpensive or even free of charge in some cases, and the child can receive benefits through the state for child care, healthcare and even college. If you're interested or know anyone who might be, go to www.adoptuskids.com for more information."

I definitely don't say anything against other kids of adoption, but the above statement is hard to argue with.

Karlyna

I don't see the problem... just say you adopted from foster care or tell them its none of their business.

Marnie B

I tell them from this country & then what state she's from. I'm very pro adoption & don't mind talking about it at all, as long as the other person isn't rude.

Serenity71

The thing you're going to find as time rolls on is that many people out there have an opinion based on tid bits of information fed through the media or a friend of a friend.(With no person experience themselves.) If you can learn not to take offense every time someone opens their mouth and say things out of ignorance then you're life will be easier and less stressful. Just remember your kids are watching how you respond to these things. (Family can be ignorant when it comes to adoption-the important thing to me from them is acceptance and love for my kids, and to ask instead of assuming things.)

I have answers that I've formed over time now that are simple but not rude because people do become predictable in what they'll say or ask. Mostly they think inter-country because its a media focus at the moment. Fair enough, why expect them to think other wise when its not something they have gone into any depth with.

All the best!

P.S- One of the best counter questions to ask when they say "What country?" is "Why do you ask?" Then you find out upfront the real reasons or if they're just being nosy.

I have discovered that people can try and take all kinds of liberties when asking questions about children who have been adopted. We have an adopted child from New Mexico and we adopted her at birth. A friend of mine finally met her when she was 16 months old. My friend ask me, so do you have problems with the language barrier? I looked at my friend and said I have had her since she was 1 day old. My friend just said great so do you? I said no and remind her that their really is not language a this point. Frankly, I won't answer questions of some people. Some that I barely know will ask me if the birth mother was an addict and if the child had drugs in their system or had been beaten. I would barely know these people and frankly find it none of their business. Not to mention that all birth parents do not have those kind of problems

GEEGEE

People are curious (okay nosey) but I don't thing the intent is to insult, though often that's the end result. My cousin is german-irish white and her husband is from Vietnam. Her two sons resemble their father and look 100 percent asian. People ask her all the time in the supermarket where they are from, and she knows they expect to hear a specific country, rather than "my womb!' With the increase in mixed marriages people shouldn't even assume children who look different from their parents are adopted, but if they do, a simple "we adopted domestically" should be sufficient.

aloha.girl59

I adopted my son from foster care, too. I also hate it when people ask rude questions. When someone *does* ask, I just say, "The U.S." -- that's where we live. Given even a tiny opportunity, I also talk a bit about adoption from foster care.

K. M. â™¥

Why is it so difficult to answer a question? You either say the country or you explain that you don't want to discuss it. Why get annoyed over something so futile? When people ask where my brother is adopted from, we say the country and that's it. We're not offended. Who really cares?

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