How is the term biological mother offensive?

monkeykitty83

That's my preferred term, because it's a fact, not opinion or value judgment. "Biological mother" means the one who contributed genes as well as giving birth, and the child's genetic ties to her will not change.

A woman who parents her baby does not STOP being the baby's biological mother. In the real world, children don't spring full-blown from someone's forehead... someone gave birth to them biologically. My mother and father are my biological parents, even though they tried for years to conceive and placing me for adoption was never even considered-- because they still ARE biologically related to me.

So while I understand that no term can please everyone, I use "biological mother" and "biological father" because to me they are the most fact-based and least of a value judgment. It happened. You DID biologically conceive your child. Biological relationships don't just appear out of thin air when someone relinquishes a child-- those ties were always there.

I feel that acknowledging those ties is just... accurate. And I'm not really prepared to consider stating biological fact to be offensive.

Rowan

I've been wondering that myself. i don't find it offensive. I use that term to clarify which woman i'm talking about when i post. My bio mom or my a mom. I never called my a mom anything but Mom, and never will. Bio mom, is only called bio mom on here, as it would be rude to use her name. otherwise, i refer to her by name.

Not Adopted

I personally do not find it offensive.

ETA: I typically use "natural mother" if I need to clarify, otherwise I just use mom, mother, or other mom/mother.

I Love A Child With Autism!!!

I don't find it offensive, but I am not a big fan of how it sounds. To me, it just sounds so sterile, like there was no emotion involved in the process. In real life, I just refer to them as S's or M's mom or mother. Here, where I often have to make the distinction, I have found that I have the best level of comfort using first mother.

MamaKate

I personally think that the term "biological mother" is a bit too clinical for many of us. We didn't simply donate biological material that the APs added water to to get a baby. We carried and nurtured our children, birthed them and still care for and love them deeply.

"Natural mom doesn't sound ok to me because the opposite of that is unnatural mom and as an adoptive mother that would offend me a little!"

I will never understand why people insist that one has to look at the opposite meaning for an AP or FP! We are NOT opposites. We BOTH love and care for the same child. How is that opposite at all?! We are more similar than different when it comes to being mothers. Shouldn't we be looking for synonyms rather than antonyms?!

Why do we feel the need to make one name "better" than the other? What is wrong with a child having two Moms? Happens all the time with children of divorce and I have yet to meet a child who was confused about it.

Nameless

I personally like first mom. It is accurate and it doesn't suggest that one ever stopped being a mom. The first mom was a mother nine months at least before the adoptive mom could have started mothering.

Lori A

Well at least its been a while since this question has surfaced. I use what makes other people happy. I am not comfortable with any of them actually. They all sound like someone is trying too hard to keep both women separate. I know its for clarification but my daughter and I have settled on mother and mom. I gave birth to her, that makes me her mother. I didn't raise her, her mom did that. Same goes for father and dad.

As long as my daughter calls I really don't care what term she uses. But I like mother the best.

yeahright

I am the biological mother to my son and someone is the biological mother to my other child. It gets confusing and it is just a scientific way to describe something to someone who doesn't swim in the adoption pool. I use natural mother most often just because as you stated it--it is a scientific term and some folks get a little squishy of looking at a very emotional event in such black and white terms.

I don't like first mom as it sounds like some kind of contest they won.

kateiskate

I refer to my first mom as my first mom because she is the first mom I ever had. I call her that because I have respect for her for carrying me for nine months and giving birth to me. I call her that because even if I never get a chance to meet her again, she will always have a biological connection to me and she will always also be my mom. Some people choose to use the term "natural mom" but I prefer first mom.

It implies a similar connotation to "birth mother". It implies that the mother is merely a mother for biological purposes and does not acknowledge the fact that she is and always will be, a mom. Expecting moms are labeled that by adoption agencys usually in order to diminish the mom and make it seem as if she is only there to give birth to their baby when in reality, she is the childs only mother until she actually signs the paper relinquishing her rights.

ETA: Opedial, I don't use first mom to diminish or disrespect my adoptive mom. I love her very much and would never disrespect her. But if technically by chronological order, she is my second mom. That is not disrespectful, it's just a fact. All adopted kids have at least two moms. The existence of the one doesn't take away from the other:)

Diane W

It's not offensive; it's factual. With all the debate on here why don't they just go with nature mother and nurture mother, then they can duke it out about which one is more important.

frogettx4

no its not offensive at all, I don't see how anyone would get offended from someone using the correct "term"

Opedial

They use bio mom at CAS in ON. I think they use it to differenciate during the time. We do NOT use natural, I do find that offensive as an adoptive mother, if you are going to use natural you may as well use biological.

I do use First mom. I used to think of it like "well what am I think second!" NO, I am mom, just mom. i also use other mother, to strengthen the point they have more than one mother.

Carnie C

i use bmom as well. My bmom knows it and is fine with it. She is my biological mom who gave birth to me but my parents are still my parents.

gypsywinter

""Natural mom doesn't sound ok to me because the opposite of that is unnatural mom and as an adoptive mother that would offend me a little!""

OK, OK....I surrender! I do solemnly swear never to address myself as 'Natural Mother' again, while in the company of any woman who has adopted a child. From now on I will identify myself as the "Natural Incubator". God forbid...I include the 'M' word!! I surely do not want to offend......

jlf

Who says it's "offensive"?

hotmama

I adopted my niece and the social workers through the adoption agency suggested we teach her a different name to call her biological parents.. they gave us a few suggestions and we ended up picking "birth mommy" and "birth daddy." They weren't at all offended. One of the other choices were mommy 2, me being mommy 1. I don't think bio mother is offensive at all.

Indian-vision

I find it a matter of perception. I relegate a mother that gave birth the utmost respect. I find many birthmothers who feel the same way. While many birth mothers consider that they are being relegated to just a task of giving birth.

Glass is half full or half empty kind of perception in my opinion.

USAF wife # 2 due in june

The reason why your mother is probley offened is because its a term used when your talking about a parent that gave you up and didnt raise you. I call my mother my biological mother because she didnt raise me and the woman who did raise me is my mom even though she never gave birth to me. I would stick will calling your mother mom lol.

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