How open is your adoption and how do you feel about it?

cruzgirlz3

My adoption was not open at all. I know nothing, my a parents know next to nothing. My parents were told this was best for everyone. It wasn't. I wish I had access to my story.

snowwillow20

My adoption was closed fo 29 1/2 years. I found her. She's glad. I'm glad.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

mine was closed. i HATED it. i spent my entire life wondering why i wasn't good enough to be kept.

SugarPlumFairyGirl

mine is closed....my parents know a little bit about my background but we never discuss it....i found some out some stuff about them and some of the stuff about my birthfather id rather not know....but still....id love to find out more about my birthmother and whats happening............i love my life really i do....i just wish i had more info tho!

BLW_KAM

Ours is fully open with visits, phone calls, IMs, MySpace and everything else that goes with being an extended family. The frequency of the contact has decreased over the last ten years to every other month or so. As time passed and our daughter's natural mom got married and had two children, we don't get together as often as we did in the beginning.

How do I feel about it? The word that keeps coming to mind is "normal." It's always felt right to me. I wouldn't agree to be part of something that kept a woman in the dark about what happened to her child. I wanted to be able to answer my child's questions about her heritage, her natural parents, and the inevitable "why?". When I was young my mom called me a "walking newspaper", so I guess I was wired early for openness.

Unless the natural parents are unknown, deceased, or pose a real threat to the child, in my opinion open is the only way to go.

opedial

Mine is intreguing I think. It is through foster care, and it was defintely closed due to safety concerns for the children. We did though at first say we would send pictures through CAS quarterly.

Since then I have thought more and more about their other mother, and getting more information etc. I have scheduled a meeting for her and I (non identifying) to get more information culturally, medically etc. and to let her know the kids are doing well. I think I will do this meeting annually, to keep the connection for when the kids are older and able to see her again.

I feel first and formost for my children and their right to adjust right now, and their need to keep safe. I also feel for her, a woman also brought up in the system, who was not given a great chance in life. Having said this, I have to say that social workers were involved and gave her many many chances to turn her life around which she didn't take and exposed our children to horrible things. Why I feel for her is after the children were placed iwth us, she called the foster mom who looked after our kids for two years, and asked the foster mom "please tell me its the kind of family I would have wanted as a child". This made me really feel for her and her grief and feel that as long as its goes okay, I will keep the annual thing up.

MamaKate

My situation is similar to MPS's. I had two children for an infertile "friend". (Not surrogacy, the children are biologically mine and my hubby's.) I was promised a very open situation but the APs closed it when she decided she couldn't handle the children having two sets of parents. I am angry, disappointed and very sad that she and her husband chose to handle things this way.

The kids are missing out on knowing an amazing first family, including their two younger brothers. It bothers the heck out of me for the kids. All of them.

Tilden J.

I am speaking from a Grandparents point of view. My daughter gave my Grandson up for adoption a year ago. The adoptive parents, wanted an open adoption, and so did we. We get pictures, and we will have visits when my Grandson is older. What could have been a horrible and painful experience, turned out to be beautiful. Yes we miss my Grandson, but we know where he lives, and how to contact him, and we know that he is loved. In time, he will know that we are his family. I think in the long run, we will all get a happy, and well rounded little boy. No child should ever have to wonder, where they come from, or who the belong to. When your family grows, your blessings multiply. And we now have 4 new family members, and 4 new blessings.

sizesmith

We're in a reverse open adoption. We've got our home open anytime she wants to visit or come, and our son's first mom doesn't, although other family members, including dad do.

I'm disappointed that my son doesn't get to meet her. She gave birth again to a little girl 10 months after he was born, and kept her. I dread the day he asks if he were a girl, would she have kept him? She's also relinquished her older (by 5 years) son, who lives with his dad. Ironically, we live in a small town, where everyone knows that my son is adopted, and they'll be in the same classes together, unless we move.

My son goes to his 1st dad, but won't go to her. He goes to almost anyone else, but just screams if she tries to pick him up, and I've even encourage him to, and hugged her in front of him (during a visit). The new baby looks live a little Jacob, only dressed like a girl.

Princess-have-it-my-way

I gave my baby up for adoption. I had a 11 yr old and a 10 year old. I planned my third with my husband but we split a year later. I did not want to raise her alone and wanted her to have two parents. I am mormon, and there is an adoption service through our church. I picked my family to give her to through many hours of prayer. We both wanted an open adoption, but I had no idea how open it would become. Their family treats me like a member of their family. They invite me to parties, and get togethers, they had me come and stay with them for a weekend. I get to see her all the time, I get constant letters and pictures. My children and her went and had their pictures done together at Kiddie Candids, and most importantly, her mother and i have become so close we are like sisters. We talk on the phone all the time and she calls me and has my daughter talk to me on the phone. She wrote my daughter a story book explaining how I was her "body mommy" its crazy how close we are. I finally offered to carry another one for them so that my daughter would have a blood sibling. The are considering it right now and I might be able to give them another. I think if the birth mom does not try and interfere with the child and the adoptive mom has a strong self esteem then you can have alot of fun together. My daughter will always have me available to her, her entire life. She just turned 3 in September and she is a mini me!
Love April
xoxo

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