How should I tell my parents that I am pregnant and putting my baby up for adoption?

Sarah

First off let me say you are handling this very maturely. I'm sure your parents will be disappointed that you are pregnant but as soon as they realize how responsible you are being they will be proud. And I'm sure you'll still have their love and support. There really is no way to sugar coat it. Just sit them down and calmly tell them, maybe have your boyfriend there as well. Tell them you want to put the baby up for adoption and maybe even ask for their help in making an adoption plan. The will probably be angry at first, don't take it to heart. Just try to understand their side. And if you don't feel you can keep your baby don't let anyone pressure you into it. Remember that this is about the baby and what is right for them. A child deserves stability. They can't live with your parents for a few years while you are in school and then be ripped away. They can't handle the crazy schedule that often comes with college. They do not deserve to be dumped in a sub-par daycare for 10+ hours a day while you work and go to school. Just keep your head up and do what you and your boyfriend feel is right for the baby. Good luck and know that you will make a great mother when you are ready.

aloha.girl59

I'm sure it will be hard for you to tell your parents...and it will be hard for them to hear. I just want you to consider what I am going to say now:

Don't make any decisions about this baby until after he or she is born.

If after you hold your child you still don't want to parent, he or she can be adopted. But both of you will wonder for the next 18 years (at least) how the other is doing. Your baby will always wonder why he or she wasn't "good enough" for you to keep. The pain of childbirth will be NOTHING compared to the pain you will feel after your baby is taken from you, possibly never to be seen by you again.

Plenty of women go to college after they have children. It's difficult, but not impossible. I'm sure you could get a deferment for a year or so considering that you're pregnant.

If you decide to relinquish your baby before he or she is born, the vultures will start to swoop in. Agencies make money off pregnant women such as yourself. They're not in the adoption business for the good of humanity...they're in it for the MONEY! Think about it. A married couple (or gay couple or single person...whatever) may make more money than you do and have a bigger house than you do, but do you really think that your baby will care about those things? You're not a breeder. You were not put on this earth to give your children to other people, regardless of their fertility status. But that's what the agencies will tell you. "You're doing the selfless thing. You're doing the right thing." Since when is it right for a baby to separated from its mother?

Crucio

I am sorry for your predicament. Do you feel they will be more upset that you are pregnant at your age or that you have decided on adoption or both? If you feel comfortable I would just sit them down and say â€œmom dad Iâ€™m four months pregnant. â€œRichardâ€ and I have thought it over and we are highly considering placing the baby for adoption.â€ If you feel the need you could have someone with you when you tell them whether that is your boyfriend, friend or an adult that you trust.

I say consider because the truth is you might change your might as your pregnancy progress or even after you baby is born. You all couldnâ€™t sign adoption papers giving up your rights until after the baby is born and in some cases one has to wait so many hours before they can sign. I agree that you shouldnâ€™t pick out a family for your child before he or she is born once the baby is born and you decide you both still want to place the baby for adoption then a suitable family can be found. It wouldnâ€™t take long there are lists and lists of couples waiting for infant match.

sophias.mommy113

well I would tell them as soon as possible you will start to show a lot soon, I was 5 months when people started to notice. you should write them a letter with a sono picture of the baby if you have one. give it to them then go out with a few friends for a while or a sleep over. it will give them time to calm down a little,hopefully.

and talk more in depth with them about the whole adoption situation, it will be hard to let that baby go, your emotions will run deep once that baby is born.
even when you start feeling those little kicks. good luck :]

just remember babies are never mistakes their gifts.

Ajcc

good parents will love you unconditionally. You made a mistake but they should be proud that you are doing the responsible thing. Sit them down and speak to them as calmly as you possibly can. Let them know you are disappointed in yourself and understand the lasting consequences. Giving up a baby is difficult even if it is the right thing to do.Speaking to them is unavoidable and the sooner the better. The last thing you want is for them to find out by the size of your stomach.

kitta

Tell your parents that you are pregnant, but don't make a decision on what to do just yet. It is not a good idea to make a decision on adoption before birth, because your feelings can change a great deal during and after the pregnancy. And your parents and family may affect how you feel, depending on what they tell you and are willing to do.

the father of the baby must be considered also, and his family should be told.

The feelings of the child must also be considered. Not all children feel secure with adoption. My son felt very rejected. And he was raised by alcoholic abusive people.

Adoption is forever.Once you have given up your parental rights, you no longer have any control over the situation...the control is with the adoptive parents.

T.P - SN

Honey, there is no easy way to tell them. If your really scared have your BF do it with you and try to get them in a good mood beforehand. Yes they will be upset, but at least you are being responsible about the consequences. Yes they will yell and probably not talk to you about it but just be strong.

Mummy of 1 with 1 on the way!!!

Just tell them. They may be upset but I am sure they will be happy to see that you are thinking things through and making decisions based on whats best for your child and for you.

alisongiggles

I'm glad you were too late for the abortion, and you will be too, in time.

There is no easy way to tell them this news. Just pick a good time, when they can sit down and listen. You might be very surprised how supportive they'll be. They might even have ideas of other options that won't interfere with school.

Whatever their reaction, try to be patient and understanding. It was a shock when you found out and you no doubt had some seriously stressed out moments. They will too, so give them a chance to get wrap their heads around it before you judge their reactions. They may say the wrong thing at first, but later rebound with a better attitude.

Whatever their response, remember that they love you.

Emily D

Just tell them. Maybe they'll help you with the baby. If they will maybe you could consider going to a college closer to home where you would have help him/her. I know it wouldn't be your first choice, but if you do want to parent, sacrifice is a big part of being a good parent. It's not about you, it's what's the best for your little one.

Adoption is a wonderful thing, but the decision should be made after the baby's born. I'm a huge advocate for adoption, but it shouldn't be forced onto anyone.

You can go to a crisis pregnancy center and any good one will have resources to help you apply for government programs and most offer parenting classes as well.

Carol c

I agree with the others - just tell your parents. Even if they're disappointed, people can always deal with the truth. You can't do anything but worry until you let them know. At that point you'll have a better idea as to what you're dealing with.

Personally, I'm of the school that believes that you shouldn't make a final decision until after you've given birth.
Best of luck!

kateiskate

Just tell them. I know it's hard, but the waiting and worrying about how they will react is probably worse.

I also think you should consider all of your options including parenting. Know your rights and make a knowlegeable decision AFTER your baby is born. You can still go to college and raise a child.

realmom lese

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know you must be terrified. I've been through the same thing, and it was not easy.
You have to bite the bullet and tell your parents. Sure, they will be disappointed at first, but they will come around with time. Perhaps this will even bring you closer to them. Take deep breaths and try to stay postitive.

I gave up my child for adoption and regretted it with all of my heart. Everyone told me it was the loving thing to do. That a couple that couldn't have children would be better. The truth is, I was the best for my baby, and we both suffered tremendously from adoption. Adoption is not always better. My daughter was severely abused in her adoptive home. That is not the normal case, but it still happens, homestudies and all.

Please do not make an adoption decision until you see and hold your child. You need to make a totally informed decision, and until you see and hold your baby, you will not know. You also need to be aware of the repercussions of this decision and lifelong feelings of loss and grief that you and your child will have. Talk to natural mothers. Talk to adoptees. Get really informed, because adoption is a permanent solution for temporary problems. You can go to school and raise a child. It's hard, but it can be done. Right now it is a struggle, but in a few years you will be on your feet, and may have serious regrets over the loss of your child.

I am just saying that when you make this choice, it has consequences that really really hurt for life. When you keep your child, you will not have that hurt. You will not be missing a piece of your heart.

Be aware that adoption agencies will tell you that you can have an open adoption. That is a lure to get you to sign over your baby. Open adoptions are not legally enforceable in a court of law. Adoptive parents often slam the door shut as soon as they get the baby, as they did in my case. There is no recourse.

Do not talk to agencies, their counselors, their attorneys or anyone that will gain from you making a placement. They will use any tactic they can to get your baby. Talk to them after your baby is born if that is what you feel is the right thing for you. Then you will not have anyone elses agenda coercing your decisions.

I wish you the best of luck in telling your parents, and hope and pray that all goes well for you.

justjan

I know it's scary, but you're going to start showing soon, you need to do it. Approach your mother alone first, she's maybe suspecting - once you've had a baby you can kind of see it in the face of another - get her on side and then you both talk to your father.

They will respect you both if you BOTH are present to talk with them.

I think you are being incredibly mature about this and you are going to make another persons life glow with the gift of your child.

You're a good kid. Never lose sight of it.

cantstopLinnyG

There's no easy way. I was once in the same position. You just tell them. Let me also state that adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You will only be a student temporarily...if you choose to surrender your baby, that is forever, and a decision which will negatively affect you for the rest of your life.

Your parents may not want you to do this because it is their grandchild, and wont want strangers to raise their grandchild. It is ultimately YOUR decision, but make sure it is a well thought decision. Make sure NO ONE forces you to do this. Do NOT contact anyone here who tells you to email them. There are a few people here who are well known for trying to get babies, and they do it all over the internet, and these are scary people.

Also, do not buy into the "open adoption" lie. Open adoptions are NOT legally enforceable in the US. Just remember, adoption is NOT natural. It is natural for a baby to be loved and raised by his or her natural mother, the mother he or she is bonded to. Thats all a baby wants or needs.
Please do not sell yourself short. There are millions of young mothers and fathers who continue their schooling. There are many resources available to you to help you and your baby.

Please visit the following links to see how adoption will affect you and your baby.

http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index....
http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/adoption_coercion.html
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org
http://www.amfor.net/acs
http://www.origins-usa.org
http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/
http://www.thegirlswhowentaway.com/
http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

Books:
The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier
Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND
Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton
The Adopted break Silence by Jean Paton
The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler
Adoption: Uncharted Waters,by David Kirschner
Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David Brodzinsky
******************************

Susie Q

Omg!!! My heart goes out to you. But I think you need to think about this a little bit more. Trust me God will not put anything on you that he thinks you cannot handle. I know how you feel about telling your parents. I went through that 12 years ago when I was 16 and I was sooooooo scared to tell my mother. But I got the guts to do it and I told her. She was very disappointed in me, but she was there for me every step of the way. Unfortunately I miscarried about a month later. The doctor told me it was stress. So think about it a little bit more. Once you give birth to that baby and hold her/him for the first time you will fall in love and definitely keep your baby!

everythingspeachy2000

Just tell them. You have to open with them and tell them you are not ready to be a parent and you want to give this child the best it can have.

I admire you for not getting an abortion....there are many people who want babies and can't have them....and this child did not ask to be put in this position.

I am sure..no matter how hard it is to accept that they will know in their hearts it will be the right decision.

Speaking as a grandmother....it would break my heart...not that you are pregnant...but not seeing my first grandchild....not knowing them....not seeing them grow up.

But it is why we are grandparents...we cannot have them....really do not want the responsibility of them (although we do love them and will take them in a heartbeat)......it is YOUR decision.

Good luck...just be open and honest and truthful about it.

I say wait until you hold that baby....right now you dont' have the feelings for it you will have then.....

You can always adopt out....please think about this....

Binka

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate it when people think about abortions when their life isn't even in danger. Just tell them. They will probably be very supportive of you decision for adoption. I was adopted, life is great and I am so happy with my parents. I'm 20 btw. This isn't relevant but i feel like sharing it with you. I want 2 kids when I get married. If I don't have twins I will adopt. You are helping people like my mom who cant have kids and people like me who want to give kids a good home.

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