How should i introduce my foster child to people?

Looney Tunes

I was so foster kid, so here it is from the mouth.

1) Let us decide what to call you. Some kids call everyone "mom" and some want to call you by your first name. It may change over time as the kids stay longer.
They may want to call you aunt or mom in public, so it is not embarrassing to them, to feel outside the "family."
I called most of my foster parents by their first names when I was older. When I was first in foster care, I called them all "Aunt _____."
But, please give them the choice.

2) Never, never, never, say "This is my foster child." It makes us cringe! We KNOW what we are.
Try these:
"This is (name) and she is staying with us for awhile"
"This is (name) and she is visiting with us. She really likes (pets) (art), etc"
"This is (name) and she is a very special kid who is staying with us right now"

People do not need to know that she is a "foster kid." It is none of their business. And once they find out, they will act differently around that child. So, it is best to never bring that up at all. She is just a kid.....

Kazi

I would let them call me whatever they want. They have been through so much, so if it makes them feel comforted and gives them a sense of belonging, then absolutely.

I believe that a "mother" is more than just a title; the foster mom is "mothering" the child and therefore if the child wants to use that title, I would be just fine with that... and I do think it's healthy. I think it shows that despite everything they have been through, all the upheaveal, they are still able to connect.

I like what LT said about introducing them as ________ is staying with us or we're so happy to have ___________ with us.

tickled blue

My adoptive child's foster parents had him call them mommy and daddy....he was under 2 yrs old. Now that he is with us, it has been a bit difficult for him to adjust....and he will frequently call multiple people mommy and daddy. While he knows we are the primaries in his life, it does seem that he is confused about those titles and what they mean. I think if at all possible, I would follow looney tunes' advice, and let them come up with a name for you....but I would never promote mommy and daddy titles....especially if you know that you are not adopting them.

Bubbles

Personally, I don't think its healthy to have them call you mom. They move around a lot, there are many females going through their lives, and do you know how they feel about their mom? I have foster children myself, and many times they don't want to state they are in foster care right away, so they are allowed to call me auntie.
It also helps cause then they don't get hounded by questions from every one else.
I introduce them as they are, and then say they are staying with me for a little while. Then I change the subject cause I don't want to stay on it too long.
I am also in a small town where every one knows everything. I have three really close friends who are also foster parents. we all have our own ways, but we have become our own family in ways.
I hope this helps. Good luck with all you do. and remember you are helping so many people!!!!

Minnimouse

Introduce him like "this is Bob, we fostered him last year" (Correct time inserted) or "This is Bob, our foster child". You could ask him too. Also don't force him to say mum. He will say it if he feels confident if not don't make him this will just make things tense between you.

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