How to tell a child he/she is adopted?

crimkid2002

It is easier for the child if you can relate this information to them at a very young age. When they are young you can explain it at different levels as they get older, making the explanation more detailed and informative the older they get. The older they get before you tell them the greater the risk the child may feel hurt that you kept such a large secret from them. You run the risk of making the child feel as though their life is full of large unknown secrets and the trust between the child and adoptive parent may be strained. A younger child who is told takes it as fact, it just is, I was not born from mommy stomach but from another woman's stomach. My mommy wanted me so much she "picked" me when other children are just born to mothers. The older child may feel the fact they are not the natural child to the adoptive parent is a shame, why else was it kept a secret from them?

If you tell a younger child they are adoptive tell them they are so in very simple terms. They didn't come from mommy's tummy but from another woman's tummy. as they get older they will ask questions and you answer as well as you can and in an age appropriate manner. At some point they will ask why the other mommy didn't keep them and you explain the reason - maybe she was unable to care for the child in the best way possible OR mommy was unable to have a baby so God put you in another tummy so I could have a baby.

If you tell an older child it is best to preface the conversation with a disclaimer, I love you but I have kept a secret from you and I hope you can forgive me for this. I kept the secret from you because I wasn't sure if the information would hurt you. I feel you are old enough to hear this information. Remind them that they were so loved that the bio mother wanted the best for them so she found you to provide the best for them. Remember to conclude the conversation with a guarantee that you are not keeping any other life altering secrets from them. Ask them if they feel betrayed or upset this was kept from them. Ask them when they feel they should have been told. This gives them the opportunity to think about how hard it might have been to share this info to a younger version of themselves. They may be mad at you but it is important to only apologize for not knowing the most appropriate time to tell them but that there is no hard and steadfast rule for sharing. The anger may last but give them space. They aren't really mad at you they are conflicted about how to feel about this new development. give them time and they will come around.

I started telling my children at very young age around 1 or so. We would talk about them growing in someone else's tummy and that birth mom picking me to raise them. Keeping things in simple terms and building on it as they age. They are now 7 and now what adoption is

Tanya

I can never remember a time when I didn't know that I was adopted. It was always a special thing in our house. Start out as you mean to go on.

Marie C

Two of my children knew they were adopted from day one, because they were older when it happened. But one of my daughters was adopted from China as an infant. I started talking to her about it even before she was old enough to understand - telling her how I flew on a plane to China to bring her home, how I got her room ready beforehand, and showing her pictures of our trip and our first days together. I started introducting the subject of birth parents when she was almost three, because her aunt was pregnant and she started grasping the concept of babies growing in tummies. Each year as she grew older, we talked about it together in more and more detail, until she was old enough to understand the whole process. She is 14 now, and doesn't even remember a time that she didn't know she was adopted, or that she had Chinese parents.

babyblue83

Yes, as young as possible. Imagine how you would feel if your parents told you something completely opposite of what you had believe about your world at the age of 12. You would have a very difficult time trusting what your parents say after that and questions much about yourself. You want your child to as though you can have an open, honest relationship so that he.she can come to your with anything. I encourage my clients to begin talking about adoption from the day they bring their baby or child home. Begin using the word adoption when they are very small. It may feel awkward at first but, by the time he/she is old enough to really understand the words and ask questions, you will be in the habit and so much more comfortable. Adoption should just be part of your child's vocabulary. You can begin to tell them their story with the basics of "you didn't grow in my tummy but in my heart", "you grew in your birthmommy's tummy and she chose us to be your forever mommy and daddy." As they get older, you can begin explaining more based on his/her developmental level. There are many, many children's books about adoption. These are great for bedtime. You can also create a lifebook of adoption baby book for your child.

DMA

The best is telling the child as soon as possible, in simple words. He will understand what he is told without shock, and without need to know more. Little by little he will ask questions when he feels ready to know more.
Whereas telling a child later, when he understands what being adopted implies (birth parents, brothers and sisters, no blood relation to his family, etc) might deeply shock him and he might feel the need to know everything at once, which might not be a very nice experience.

Ceslee

may b at like 5 or 7 yrs old thats the best age i think

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