How would you move on with your life?

Independ"ant"

You can't move on....relinquishment means a life in limbo of never knowing.

The only thing you can do is to find ways to cope and deal with daily emotions.

sweetjane

How in the world would anyone who hasn't experienced surrender understand what it is like to lose a child, much less how to 'move on' from it? Only a parent who has lost a child could possibly understand such a lifelong sorrow. I don't pretend to understand it. I know it must be the most painful and difficult loss one would ever have to bear. Not only that, but it is also a recurring loss....a loss that you cannot grieve like a death, but one that is not ending....one that has no resolution unless you are able to find your child and make some sort of reconnection with them. Until that happens, I imagine that everywhere I looked and everything I thought of would be in reference to my child who isn't with me. Wondering/worrying what she is doing, how she is, where she is, if she thinks of me, if she even knows I exist, if she needs something, etc. IMHO, there is no possible way to 'move on' from some losses.

Rowan

i dont think anyone whos not experienced that can answer that question. Anyone who tries and hasnt been through it, is only being a idiot. And each experience is also different.

My friend who surrended, twice, says shes moved on, and maybe thats true. I don't know. I know shes never had any other children.

Gaia Raain II

Well, to start with, you must never, ever think of it or speak of it again. Unlike us regular folks who lost regular stuff (like grandmas who died), you're most certainly not allowed to grieve over the holidays. Oh yes, and moving on means you only talk about happiness and light on Y!A "The Adoption Section". Because, you know, the fact that you discuss "feelings" and stuff means you obviously haven't moved on properly.

Not Adopted

I got it wrong, too. To me it's coping rather than moving on.

I'll be interested in hearing from those who have not experienced it.

Carol c

I don't believe it's possible to completely move on. One can project an image of success, accomplishment and even have happiness, but there will always be an empty, aching hole in ones heart.

kateiskate

I don't think you ever "move on" with your life after any kind of loss. I can't imagine that the loss of surrender would be any different. To me, moving on is realizing that no matter how hard you try to make your pain go away, it is there and you will carry it for the rest of your life. I haven't experienced the pain of surrender, but I was surrendered as a baby and I know that pain can be horrible and alienating, especially when people belittle that pain and act as if it shouldn't exist.

â™¥â™¥Mum To Superkidsâ™¥â™¥

I don't think I could. There are some things that there is no 'moving on' from. I think heal and recover would be better words.

The cruelty of some people never fails to amaze me.

(((((Hug)))))

Dreamweaver ILF posse 2009

I voluntarily surrendered my son. I chose it before talking to anyone about it because, at 16, I knew I couldn't raise a baby and didn't want the burden to fall to my already aged parents. Do I regret it? No. Am I saddened by it? Yes. I truly believe I made the correct choice for him as I was in a very bad place at that time. I DID give him up because I loved him. I would have been awful for him. Drugs, drinking, partying...no infant needs to be involved in that.

Jackie B

First of all, let me issue a disclaimer that I do not equate children with dogs. I'm just using this as an example.

My brother today told me he had to give up one of his Border Collies because they've had to downsize on everything, from moving from a house to a cramped apartment to cutting down on going out to dinner somewhere and now not being able to afford the care of 2 dogs. He's had his 2nd dog for as long as I've had one of mine (2 years). My husband and I were discussing it and saying we just couldn't see ourselves giving up one of our dogs. We'd find a way to keep them.

Now, if I can't even think of giving up my dog, I have no idea how in the HELL I can give up a child. It's inconceivable to me. Wondering every day what my child is doing and if they're happy and their overall well being.

As an adoptee, I wonder if my own parents, on my birthday, think of me. Did they think of me today? If they wonder whether I'm married and have kids and if I've had a good life. These are all things I'd think I'd do if I had surrendered a child.

As far as moving on, I don't know if I could. I think I would be almost obsessive in my quest to find my child. Even if to just watch them from a distance. I think I'd agonize over it. As an adoptee, I've made peace with my adoption because I'm not the one who had to make that decision. If the roles were reversed, I guess I would have to at some point accept that my child was not with me (that doesn't mean I have to like it) if that's what I needed to do to effectively be a parent to other children or to function in life.

That's just my guess. I really don't know that I could.

gibberish

I do very much understand that one feels pain and longing but to move on means you progress to leading a fullfilling life even if you feel pain and you have the peace inside to know that even if you feel sad you have done what is best.

Indian-vision

I could never understand your pain and would not try to disrespect you by saying i understand.

However these lines gave me strength.

" God, give me strength to change the things I can change, give me courage to accept the things I cannot change, and grant me wisdom to know the difference"

someone's wifey for lifey

letting go of the past namely the hurt learn from it and move on always remember it so that you know not to make the same mistake again

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