I'm considering adoption?

Felicita1

Is it really that your baby is unloved and wanted? If so, then yes put them up for adoption, because you'll never feel any pain, guilt, regret, etc. and adoption is for unloved and unwanted babies and for orphans.

However, if you care for and want your baby, then why aren't you keeping them? What is forcing you to surrender? Because that's what it is -- something is making you feel you cannot keep your baby and that is coercion being applied to you.

There are resources and single parent support groups out there to help you keep your baby.

Adoption is legalized abandonment -- that is the purpose it was created to serve.

Also, has anyone told you about the immense ongoing pain you will likely face due to surrendering your baby? And the anger that many adoptees have towards their natural parents having "given them away"? Read "The Primal Wound" and other books that do not pain a rosy picture of what a child faces to have had rejection being their first experience in life.

Again, what is forcing you to surrender your baby? Poverty? That amounts to financial coercion as if your human rights had been respected by government you would be given all the resources, support, and money you needed to keep your baby like in other nations as Australia.

â€œMost infants placed for adoption come from poor families. Check with any of the adoption agencies and their adoption lawyers to verify that the number one reason for relinquishment today is the inability to afford to raise the child. This is a sad commentary on the richest and most powerful country in the worldâ€ (Pannor in "Interview with Reuben Pannor." PACER newsletter. (Winter 1998-1999). Post Adoption Center for Education and Research.

Before surrendering your baby, first have that baby and decide once your baby is in your arms, whether you love it or not. Once you have recovered from birth. That is the soonest you can make a real decision about adoption. Anything pre-birth is too soon. If you truly don't love your baby, then adoption may be for you. But you won't know until after your baby is born how you will truly feel.

Morgaine

Mom of 10: Did you get a divorce before or after your husband died? You need to grow up and stop giving advice about things you don't have a clue about.

EDIT: Lol, Mom of 10 is now one more on the way! A mom with another child on the way. Ugh. I think that some parents need to start paying attention to their children's online usage.

EDITED to add an answer for the OP: My mom had me when she was 17. I am glad that she decided to raise me. She married my father, but you don't have to marry your child's father (I would suggest you didn't). As they grew up they grew apart and eventually divorced.

Being a young mom is hard, and you are going to have to make some sacrifices but those sacrifices are minimal compared to sacrificing your relationship with your child. My mom was able to go to college and get a degree, even though she had another baby (planned) at nineteen. You can still go to college and be a parent. Your baby wants/needs YOU and you need to know that it is possible to have a baby at a young age and still lead a successful, fulfilling life.

Good luck to you. I hope you find a way to keep the baby. I know you are scared right now and I don't blame you. Please look into resources and get the help you need. I will be keeping you in my thoughts. I hope things work out for you.

Mei-Ling

I'm not going to tell you to not give your baby up, because I'm not you and I'm not in your shoes.

Is there any way at all for you to get some sort of support?

I have heard of others who were in your situation, *kept* their babies and survived the outcome to live a satisfactory life with their kept children. It was extremely difficult, they said, but they managed to pull through. http://joy21.wordpress.com/ (She's an adult adoptee [mother] who kept her child)

The reason people are saying you are abandoning your child is because even though you may be doing this with the intent of giving a loving family a "gift" because you love your child, it will always feel like abandonment to the child. If you give up your child, it will convey the message of "given away", which in turn will imply "Not wanted *enough*"... which leads to the notion of "abandoned."

That may not be what you believe right now, that you love your child with all your heart but just cannot take care of him/her... it's going to feel that way to the child, even if it's just to some small degree.

Possum

Just make sure you read this - put together by women that have walked in your shoes -
http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf
Adoption is far more complex than just thinking about who you'll give your baby to.
Adoption is a long term solution to an often short term problem - meaning - for instance - you won't be young forever.
I've lived adoption my whole life - and for many adoptees - it hurts being given away - simply because you were conceived and born at the wrong time.
A child grows in you - knows you - wants to be with you.
Just be very very aware of your rights. And it would be advisable to not make any plans until after the child is born - and your head can clear.
I wish you and your baby the best in the world.

ETA: babies are not 'gifts' - they are human beings - that don't ask to be given away - and would really prefer to live with those that look like them - act like them - have the same talents as them. (their biological family)
They are not 'objects' that can be given to fulfill someone else's dreams.
Those that would want you to give away this child - either work in the adoption industry - or want a baby of their own - often desperately.
They will look after their best interests first - not yours.
Just be very very aware of what you're getting yourself into.
I know far too many women that wished they had NEVER given their children away.
It's a whole heap of heartache - that can never be undone.

PhilM

If you really want to know about the effects of adoption, here are some reading suggestions:

* "Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self" by Brodzinsky, Schecter, and Henig

* "Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton

* "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier

And for the relinquishing mother side of things:

* "The Girls Who Went Away" by Ann Fessler

Gaia Raain

Why is it called abandoning? Because that's what it feels like to be that child. If you don't want your child to feel abandoned, then don't abandon them. At almost 18, there are plenty of services available to help you keep your baby, and trust me, your baby doesn't want anyone else but you.

Carnie C

you've heard from other adoptees who want to shock you into their world of pain and hurt -- i'll give you another viewpoint.

i am adopted and hey, it's ok to be adopted.

at 18, you're going to be in a world of hurt trying to raise your child. It's more than just getting public aid (remember, if your parents make too much $, you may not be able to get any aid since you're still their dependent) and therefore, it may be more a stretch than you thought. You also need to consider daycare -- while at school, while doing homework and work if you're going to be doing that. People will tell you there's assistance avaialble but again, if your parents make enough to put you over the threshold, then you won't get any. Even if you're over the age of 18, if you live with them, they will take your parents' income into consideration.

dad is into drugs? were you too -- how did you meet him? he's obviously not going to be very trustworthy nor supportive. Sounds like you're carrying a world of hurt on your shoulders.

There are no guarantees in life so you have to take calculated risks. Speak to an adoption counselor -- the one I had was fabulous -- didn't 'coerce' me either way -- she listened. but my parents were NOT supportive of an adoption plan and although I was promised all kinds of rainbows and ribbons from my parents, that didn't exactly come through; medical issues prevented them from assisting me; financial issues were difficult. things were crazy and it was a tough tough situation -- i couldn't give my daughter what she needed much less even think about wants.

Could it work out if you give your child up? yes.

Could it work out if you keep your child? yes

please contact your school counselor who can assist you in finding a reputable agency.

Trent

What a bunch of weirdos around here... abandoning...
Since most here seem to refuse to answer your question:
Go to an agency, private or public, such as Child Welfare.

http://www.childwelfare.com/

They will help you make the right decision and you can even take part in choosing the new family. And if you want to give the baby to a gay couple, just tell them, they will find one for you. There are plenty of gay couples wanting a baby.

Good luck.

mary stuart

I HAVE 2 ADOPTED CHILDREN I LOVE THEM TO BITS BUT YOU CAN NEVER GIVE THEM WHAT A NATURAL MOM CAN . A SO CALLED FRIEND ADOPTED A LITTLE GIRL AND THEN SENT HER BACK TO THE ORPHANAGE, ADOPTION IS ABANDONING A CHILD YOU WONT ALWAYS BE 18, AND YOUL GET SO MUCH LUVING BACK PLEASE DONT GIVE BABY AWAY

LovelyONE

Wow, I'm really not sure how do go into the adoption process I was just looking at this question I wasn't even going to post an answer until I read the other answers.
Why is giving a child up for adoption abandoning? Because someone feels they can't make the best for their child, because someeone wants the best for their child. WHY?

cacee Â©

Well then you're not really considering adoption. You're considering abandoning (for lack of better word) your baby.
You find an adoption agency. You look through files. You wait for couples to want to adopt your baby. You can meet with couples and see which ones you like. Then you can make the choice of which family you want to give your baby to.

mrjoejohnson12

i appauled you for giving your baby up for adoption, that will be the best gift for someone who is looking to adopt, go to a hospital or a chruch to find out they must have some information to give you
good luck

LaPri

You can advertise in any publication. I would check out what state approves of gay couples or singles adopting (please don't get mad just stating a fact, some states do not allow, I do not agree with it). I think California, Washington, Vermont and Oregon are some but check it out on the internet. I definitely support you in your decision! Do not let others pressure you into changing. You are the only one that knows what is best for you and your child. It is very selfless gesture to give a child up for adoption.

Shame on you people that are projecting your ideals on this young women! Advice is one thing but shouting and demeaning comments are not appropriate! I am sure she realizes the difficulties she will face in the future but why would anyone condemn her trying to make a decision for the best of the child? If more people could be this mature there would be less neglected and abused children! This situation sets a family or single mother up for failure especially if she has no support!

Please don't take the above comment that I believe you would abuse this child! Parents who make decisions to protect children do not abuse their children and IMO you are protecting your child.

You are making a difficult decision, it sounds like you have weighed all your options, Good Luck and be strong.

Mzz Royal Dutch

Hello Hon!
Well first of all I have to say I give you props for you wanting to give your baby up for adoption! I know that is a very hard choice to make!We have two sons, both adopted with an agency called Adoptions From the Heart. They do both open and closed adoptions (so you can choose if you want to stay in contact with your baby or not) They send you pictures and updates and you can see your baby if you want. Adoptions from the heart has a lot of couples who are gay. I will give you the number of their office. Just tell them Michelle said to call 610-432-2384. Good luck to you! Let me know if it works out for you! You can also place an add in the paper, but make sure the couples are checked for child abuse and all that. Adoptions from the heart makes sure that that happens and they do all the legal work too!
Michelle

jay_cce1

Dont listen to anyone that tells you your abandoning your baby. you are giving the greatest gift of all, life, and a loving family.

dont listen to anyone that wants to give you stories of adopted children being hurt and beaten, truth is plenty of pyscho parents beat their on biological children.

i would look online for adoption sites, in the yellow pages, through a church or look into a community type centre and speak to a counscellor who can put you in touch with the right people.

if your still at school approach the school councellor as i am sure they will know excellant people to refer you to for adoption.

i think being 16 it would be wise to go through someone, rather then go through an internet site.

giving a baby up for adoption is hard, but a worthwhile and loving thing to do. congratulations on your choice and good luck with the pregnancy birth and adoption.

take care.

let me clarify for people who arent understanding my post.

people who are against adoption give one of the reasons as the child may be abused, and i pointed out that many people abuse their own biological children, its not limited to adopted children.

adoption has to be better the abortion at any time.

Lastly to the idiot a couple of posts below me who stupidly assumes i am male, i am female.

telling this girl that adoption is always bad is more or less encouraging her to abort. surely support is important when shes trying to give this child life.

Another child on the way yayy

Well i am a huge adopter i had two kids of my own and me and my husband were doing great and than he died! :(
I felt sad and neglected until i saw these kids in a foster home and i adopted everey year a new child and i now have 10 kids and i am still single but i love them all and yes it is expensive with 10 and i am so happy you are trying to be a resoponsible mom and i am sorry to hear about the dad doing drugs it will get better for you! :) have a great day

Amber B

First of all GOD BLESS YOU. for not having a abortion. I would call the social services department in your state or country im sure they can give you all the information you need. But you need to be 1000000% sure this is what you want. Cause, once you have they baby and hear it cry your heart is probably gonna melt. And they probably will not even let you see him or her. So really think this over! if u want a open adoption they can give you a list of adopatable familes and you can choose! good luck

Wanting to adopt

Hi I think adoption is ok if thats what you want to do. I am looking to adopt if you are considering private adoption please contact me I can help out with ladysep@gmail.com

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