I'm currently pregnant and looking to find someone, not just anyone, to adopt my child.?

MamaKate

Dear Angie,

I am a First Mother of an "open" adoption that was closed by the APs as soon as it was finalized. These were people I had thoroughly trusted as we were "friends". Please know that no matter what you have heard, "open" adoption is NOT enforceable anywhere.

This is a choice you have to make for yourself but I URGE you educate yourself THOROUGHY about adoption, its issues and effects on all parties (You, YOUR CHILDREN, and any potential family you may choose for your baby.) and to consider ALL of your options before making a final decision.

Have you considered temporary guardianship with a friend or family member? What about the baby's father and his family? Is it possible to have an arrangement with them to help you? Is there an organization that matches single mothers to assist each other in your area? Mentor Mothers, Single Parent Programs, DSS, WIC, The Natural Family Preservation Society, there are tons of resources to help you if you decide adoption is not for you. I would give you more specific resources if I knew where you are.

http://www.keepyourbaby.com/
http://www.ifsinc.org/familypres/familyprinc.htm
https://apps.chfs.ky.gov/pandp_process/FPP.HTM

Run a Google search on assistance programs for single mothers and natural family preservation organizations.

I am not trying to talk you out of adoption - it may be the best thing for you, just make sure that you have looked at ALL your possibilities - especially the negatives of every case and see if it is something you and your children can bear.

I am so sorry that you are in this situation and hope that you find the solution that is right for you. I wish you and your family the best of luck and a happy and healthy future.

Please e-mail me privately if you have any questions about the what the adoption process is like as a First Mother.

Morgaine

Please don't pick an adoptive family for your child on Y! Answers. That is just wrong, I don't care how many references they have, they are still baby grabbers in my eyes, and need to know that it is WRONG to try and solicit a baby from people on this website.

If you are serious about placing this child, please contact a reputable agency about your options.

Please consider parenting this child. I know you are struggling, but how would YOU feel if you were the third child born to a mother and the only one placed for adoption? Don't you think that would be hurtful to you (as the child placed for adoption?). Also, you need to think about your own feelings. Adoption isn't a clean slate, you have given birth to two babies all ready, so you know the bond a mother has with her child, even before birth, do you really think you could sever that bond with no consequences?

If you need help financially, contact social services, there is a lot of help available to you, if you know where to look. Of course, the baby grabbers will not tell you about this help.

Please also remember that it is not on you to provide a baby for an infertile person/couple, no matter how much they want one. This is your child, and you need to make the best decisions for you and him/her in addition to your other daughters. There are thousands of children in the foster care system (of course, not perfect healthy{white} newborns) who need homes, if the people who claim to want a child so bad really are serious, why haven't they considered adopting one of these children who need homes?

Good luck.

EDITED: Also, Sizesmith, I know you mean well, but this is at least the second question I have answered where you are offering to adopt a child, please you need to know better than this, and need to stop. It is really rude and you don't come across as caring in anyway. Well, caring of the woman placing the baby. I am sorry but, this annoys me. You seem intelligent, and you should know that the best way to go about adopting another baby is to do it through legal/ethical means, and soliciting a baby off of scared woman on Y! Answers, well that is in no way legal OR ethical. Sorry, your name always sticks out because you seem to think you are better than the rest of the baby grabbers, but you are not. You are doing the same thing they are.

Heather B

Here's a leaflet from mothers who have walked in your shoes:

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf

I'm so sorry you feel this is your only option. I missed my mother and siblings my whole life, despite having an amazing adoptive family. Please bear in mind that adoptions that start out as 'open' are slammed shut in the majority of cases and open adoption is often used as a lure to reel you in. Be careful - particularly of people on the internet.

I'm so so sorry, if you were in the UK I volunteer with an organization that would help keep you all together. Families should not be separated this way. I'm so sorry, if I could help I would.

Take care.

Heather Leigh

Whatever you do PLEASE DO NOT respond to the people here and the ones emailing you begging for your baby. You need to find a reputable local agency. You never know who people are on the Internet. They may sound loving and sincere and have the best references, but how does anyone know what is real on the Internet.

Best of luck to you and your children in whatever you decide.

tish

hi... i was in your shoes..

my parents wanted me to place my child for adoption because they felt becoming a parent so young would ruin my life. they later changed their mindset, and i kept my child.

i've also gone on to earn my BA, a masters and will have an earned doctorate in 2009.

my point, and the point others are trying to make here is that there is a way to provide for your child. also, if you are interested in adoption, don't allow your current situation to be your reason. situations change, people grow up, yet adoption is permanent.

also, please do not make an adoption plan with anyone on YA who wants your kid. these people tell every young woman like yourself who posts how much they want a child and would LOVE to adopt. seriously, that's freaky to me. and an indication that some of these people are not wrapped too tight. regardless of your decision, please make sure that you go through the proper channels, EDUCATE yourself on adoption loss, and realize that open adoption is NOT LEGALLY ENFORCEABLE. that means, the aparents can close it and you will not be able to have any contact.

you have a lot of work to do before this child is born. i would suggest speaking with a non-biased counselor about your choice, and get as much education an adoption (especially how firstmothers are treated and the primal loss experienced by adopted children) before making this decision.

Anastasia's Mommy

There are a lot of organizations out there that allow you to choose what family you place your child with. My friend put her little one up for adoption even though it was very hard for her to do so. She was able to look through profiles, meet with prospective parents, ask any questions she wanted and choose the one she thought was best for her baby. An open adoption will sometimes allow you to visit your child, but mostly it means you can write letters and receive pictures.

You could check websites like www.adoption.com for more information regarding open adoptions and agencies that help you choose the family.

Rev JackM

think very carefully before you decide what you are doing. Is there anyone or any organisation that can help you with bring up the child.

Blessing

Zuko

Hey... I just REALLY want to warn you...

Do NOT adopt your child to someone you find here on Y!A... All of these people who want to adopt kids and are telling you to e-mail them... that's a fundamentally BAD idea.

Your best bet is to sit down with a phone book (or your computer) and start looking into agencies. There are plenty out there that will provide you with pamphlets that the PAP (potential adoptive parents) make themselves that will give you a little insight into their lives. Depending on the agency, you may even get to meet them first.

A few things to consider:

THERE IS NO LEGAL POLICY concerning open adoptions... just because the ap's say they want you to be a part of the child's life doesn't mean that as soon it's official they can't back out. Because of the way the laws are set up, there's nothing to stop them from denying you contact... they can even get a restraining order if they're hard core enough.

Your child will most likely be hurt VERY DEEPLY once she finds out that you kept two older children and not her... And that's something you'll have to handle.

PAP's can lie in their pamphlets. It's not unheard of. No, not all pap's are evil and manipulative... but there are a few out there who are desperate enough to fudge facts and lie outright to increase their chances of getting a baby. Just be careful and go into this with your eyes OPEN.

Make sure this is what you want to do. Make sure there is NO WAY you can care for her. Look into MANY different agencies and MANY different PAP's and make sure you are positive that this is what you want, who you want, and how you want it.

Thumper's Mom

There are numerous legal implications to what you want to do, and those implications vary from state to state. You don't want to do anything that may result in losing your other children. You're in a highly emotional state right now, and you may want to change your mind once your child is born. Accordingly, you may want to protect yourself from the legal implications of your own emotions, as well. Above and beyond all else, do NOT respond to anyone on this website, in the newspapers, or "off the street" who wants to adopt your baby. These people haven't been screened, and God only knows what they might do -- you're not giving away a kitten! Look in your yellow pages, and contact an adoption attorney. Remember -- find an ADOPTION attorney -- not just any attorney. Attorneys specialize just like doctors do -- you wouldn't go to a foot doctor to have a tooth removed -- you'd go to a dentist! If you can't afford an attorney, call the Bar Association of the the state you live in, explain your situation, and tell them that you need to be referred to an attorney. They will most likely help you out. My best to you. I hope that you make the right decision, whatever that may be.

Independ"ant"

I would suggest working with foster care. Stay away from agency's, they don't have your interest nor the child's in mind. They just want to make money off the desperate people that cant have children of their own and their attorney's will make sure you will never see your child again.

Dayle

Look in your phone book or on-line for a crises hot line, or a free counseling service in your area. You need to talk to someone, that will help you decide, the best path to take. With good advice and support you might change your mind. Look into all options, before you make your final decision.

Many people come to this forum for help, they are in crises. We might not agree with their views or their decisions, but fair, intelligent, answers would be so refreshing.

Jaci B

You poor thing! I feel for you, I really do! i would never want to part with my child! see if you can contact an agency who will allow you to choose a couple to adopt your child, so you know that he/she is going to a stable environment...

Tara <3

I just wanted to say that the decision you made is from a good place...your heart. Some people judge without thought of being in your shoes. I know you want better for your child & I know how difficult it is to be on your own with 2 little ones. God bless you at this difficult time, and I pray all works out for you and your cousin & the new baby!

Tasha B

I just wanted to say to all the nasty replies re she already has 2 kids she can do it with a third ect ect ect Wouldn't it be worse if the child was born to a parent that didn't love it or wasn't able to provide for it? Don't speak until you've walked a mile in her shoes.

Saying all of that i just wanted to commend you for your courage. You realise that you wont be able to provide for this child and rather then aborting you are taking the high road and the better option of adopting and to your cousin that's even more special. At least this way you can keep some form of contact and you know your baby will be loved and well cared for and provided for in the way he/she deserves

Bouvier

Please contact a professional with this matter, not an internet site!!!

Planned Parenthood, an adoption attorney, or agency, and if this is the only option for you, please make sure you receive counseling as well. I wish you luck.

aslin2008

Congratulations on finding someone you know that will raise this little child lovingly. i think you are a wonderful mother and that you should tell yourself that everyday . Its a brave person who thinks of others before themselves. good luck in life!!

angelbecky32

i know how you feel, i was on birth control and got pregnate with all 3 of mine and raised them till they were 6& 7 on my own!!!! if i could i would adopt your child, we could just get a lawyer and do it!!!! and the child would always know they were adopted and why!!! i am proud of you for choosing life for your child rather than killing it!!!!! and giving a child up is a big decision and takes alot of love and heart!!! my heart goes out to you!!! best of luck and may God Bless you and your children!!!!

JoHn S.

I am going to answer this as if you have already made up your mind to place your child. I'm sure you've had enough lectures...

IF you are going to place your child for adoption, I would first look into state laws, because they vary, a lot. There are laws on how long you would have after the baby is born to change your mind, varying from 0 days from signing to I think 6 months.

Another law you should consider is legally binding open adoption agreements. Some states recognize them and will hold them up, while others don't. You could think you are entering an open adoption and have it closed after they drive away if you don't protect that.

After you look into the laws, determine which state you want to work with (and find out how they work with your state), then look into websites that are expectant-mother-friendly, where you can browse profiles of families without them knowing you exist, until you are ready to let them know you do. If you sign up with an agency right away, you may feel pushed into doing something you don't want, or into a family you aren't sure about.

If you find a family, just always be honest with them, and especially yourself. You can back out at any time, prior to your rights being terminated (post-birth).

Good luck, on whatever you decide.

*~Cinthia Luvs Ya~*

well i say think hard before you do that and also think about what your other two are going to think about you because they might be small but they realize stuff like that.and if you have 2 children already,why are you looking forward to give your baby to adoption?i mean,the other 2 of yours can help you.im 14 but take my advise and the advises from people who say the same thing as i do.

chelsea s

Hello. You should look up some adoption agencies in your state. Check online. Or you can call your county or city social services. They will have large databases of potential adoptive parents you can search through. But make sure the agency you choose is reliable and dependable. My agency provided me with a counselor, and a lawyer, and in no way tried to coerce me into placing my son.

You know, open adoption doesn't just mean what you described. You can stay in contact with your child for their entire life if you want. You and the parents you choose can decide how much contact you are comfortable with. I have a very open adoption with my son. I hear from his parents every week, visit them often, and he knows I'm his birth mom. I feel like I have a whole new family, I don't feel like I lost my son at all. I couldn't have done it had it been any other way.

Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you. :)

**008**

Ask your local gp or hospital

suzagirl2

Good for you!!! Atleast ur child will be in the family and u know he or she will be taken care of!!! God Bless u!! my mother who is passed away now .. had a child she gave up for adoption for personal reasons... it was hard for her to tell me and my siblings later after we had grown.. but we did get to meet our sister.... Good luck!

Whathappened2U

I just want to say that I think what you are doing is a wonderful, selfless thing. Your cousin will be blessed with a wonderful bundle of joy and you will get to see your child grow up. Since you are blessing your cousin with the wonderful gift of a baby the adoption process will be easy. You will just have to go to a lawyers office and have the papers drawn up. It should be a simple process.

I know this was a hard decision for you and I commend you on your courage and strength be be able to put the welfare of your child first. I wish there were more people like you.

3jays

First of all, bless you...I can only imagine what you are experiencing in reaching this decision. I think it is very unselfish to consider this at birth rather than later down the road when the baby may have started to bond with you. I don't know what city or state you live in, but you should have a lot of options available for open adoption nowadays. You can look in the phone book under adoption, contact some of the local churches, or contact your states child protective services agency, but this option might mean your baby goes into foster care for a short time. Most agencies allow birth mothers to have a say in who adopts their child if they want. I've heard good things about the Gladney Center for Adoption, I had a friend adopted through there. Is there a friend or extended family member that would make a good parent in this situation? Those types of adoptions are usually less expensive and would definitely keep the open adoption a possibility. I pray one day my husband and I are able to adopt a child from a parent unselfish enough to want a better life for their child. We already have one son, he's 12 and I was a struggling single mom for many years before I met my husband, he has since adopted my son and we are very blessed. We can't have any more children naturally but are looking into adoption or foster care. Stay strong and keep putting your child's interests first....like a real mother, and everything will be OK. Try to ignore those that would tear you down for bringing a life into the world and finding a loving home for it with another family.....that's being a good parent....being unselfish enough to realize you can't give your child the life they deserve right now, plus still be a good parent to your other children. Your local hospital also could probably give you advice on adoption too. God Bless

gladys d

My dear i perfectly understand what you going thru, been there and done it. I jus took over the custody of a child a geougous baby which his mother was unable to support him in many ways.Its been a blessing for my husband and i. All we did was requested mother to sign over parental right she comes and see him when ever she can,we have an open door for her. Its very healthy for all members involve specially for the child to be happy. Do you know what are you having cause we are looking forward to welcome a baby girl to our family.Dont fear God will guide you to the right person and dont feel bad because your just being fair to you and your coming baby.Be proud you can make this brave decision and that you still would like to be part of this baby life.

serenityw2004

The best advice I can give is to go to a pregnancy help center. They will have the tips on where to go to get started and some even do adoption. They can give you advice on how to find a good agency to go with. NOT ALL AGENCIES ARE BAD! Just be sure to do the homework on them.

hotty

I have 1 daughter, she is a year old, and we really want another baby, but i cant have anymore kids.. So if there is anyway you can contact me. Gizzard321@yahoo.com and maybe we can talk and figure something out?

We are financially stable. we are loving parents. and love kids!

angelfsu2002

You need to contact an angency or a lawer. The person that will adopt will pay all the fees. I wish I had the money up front to adopt. I have enough to take care of my family but just not the thousands to adopt. I want another child but can no longer have one. I hope you find a loving home for your child. It will be a long and hard journey. My son is my world and I thank God everyday that I was able to have one child. I hope one day he will bless me with another, one way or another.

shida720

I am a Social Worker and I have a lot of information on this topic that could help you and am more willing to help in any way.

My email is shida720@yahoo.com, please feel free to contact me anytime.

There is NO reason I should get a low rating, what is wrong with people? This is what I do for a living and I am trying to help her find resources in her area, what in the world is wrong with that? When she goes to an agency she is going to talk to someone who has the SAME degree as me and I am trying to help her find someone in her area to help her make the right decisions. Why in the world I have a low rating is beyond me. This is what happens when you try to help people I guess...

Due September 17th with baby #1

I definately understand your decision and commend you on making it. I understand that is the hardest thing in the world to admit too but it is good to know that you care enough to seek out a good person and not abort your baby.

Yes you can do adoptions like that.

This may be a little blunt, but I would be more than happy to talk with you about adopting your baby.
My husband and I are 23 and currently have no children. Somehow we cannot concieve even though we desperately want to have a baby. We already have our family home. My husband is self-employeed and I work as a travel agent from Home. I want to be a stay at home mom. My family lives in the same town and my mother is a nurse. I have a stong motherly instinct and feel that I am very knowledgable about raising children. Even though my husband and I do not have children yet, we already have discussed how we would raise them. We are well planned out and would provide a loving and secure home. We are honest and trustworthy people, down to earth and normal. Religion is also a major part of our life. We also enjoy family outings and travel. Since traveling was a big part of my life I would love to offer that to my child as well. I feel it is a wonderful learning experience and makes you appreciate everything.I would love to talk to you even for just 5 minutes and you can ask me anything you would like.
If this is not what you were looking for then I am sorry if I have upset or offended you in any way by being so blunt and open. I do hope all goes well.

butterflyfrills

what about me? i would help you, i'd love the chance to be apart of helping you and loving a child. insted of adopting her out how about sharing. I have to work out of state alot when i have to go to work you keep your baby...you will be mom and i will be nanna. I never had kids i couldn't . i don't think you want to give up your child i think you want help...I want to help. I got lots of love to share emailme at yahoo under butterflyfrills

angel seeker

My husband was adopted when he was 6 months old. He met his birth father and was still raised by his mother. We are seeking to adopt a loving child into our lives. I feel that children should know where they come from,their roots. Children need to have questions answered when they are old enough to understand and never be lied to. I would never tell a child I gave birth to her/him when I did not and would explain that God placed them with me and that their birthmother was an angel sent into our lives to give us such a special gift.

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