I'm feeling out the beliefs here....care to add yours?

LaurieDB

1)changing the name of a newly adopted infant/child is acceptable? ethical?
No and no.

2)do you support the denial of adoptees access to their original birth certificate and adoption papers?
No.

3)do you think that adoption fee's should vary depending on race of the child?
No.

4) do you think surrendering parents on average are making informed decisions to surrender their children to adoption
No.

5)do you believe that trauma happens to children just from losing their biological parents?
Yes.

6)do you think adoption is a way to provide families with children? or provide children with families?
It used to be, and should still be, a way to provide children with families. It has become, however, a way of providing families with children.

7)do you think that unregulated adoption agencies in the United States is acceptable?
No.

8)do you think that lawyers/dr's/agencies profiting off of adoptions is acceptable?
No.

Lori A

1) infant acceptable but not ethical. Older notacceptable or ethical.
2)No
3)no
4) no
5) yes
6) unfortunately families with children
7) no
8) no

G M L

As an adoptee, I am so happy I was raised by my family and not my biological family. I have met my biological family and desired to do so to find out family health history. I do wish family health history was not closed records. As for changing the child's name...if the child is a new-born infant, then yes. If the child is older, just add the adoptive family's last name at the end. I also think that biological parents should be offered counseling and support before, during, and after the adoption process

opedial

I answer this with an open heart, and as honestly as I can. I do this with trepidation and mean no offense, these are just beliefs I have formed, some have changed throughy my YA and adoption class experience but some have not. Okay enough qualifiying:

1. I do believe it is okay to change (alter) the child's name. I think adding one, maybe a new middle name and the surname of you and husband is okay. We in fact HAVE to change the first names due to safety issues, but are moving first names to middle names and still calling by first names.

2. I think all adoptees shoudl have access to OBC and adoption papers. Just not when they are 4,5 & 6. When they arrive in April we will focus on giving them lvoe and support and teachign love should not hurt.

3. Adoption fee's should not vary depending on race of child. Ick.

4. I think here in Canada surrending parents are making informed choices. I think actually the numbers are staggeringly high of people choosing to parent here in my province. The numbers of children who have been taken from parents are high and are the highest number of adoptions.

5. Trauma for our kids occured more from abuse and neglect and I feel in my bones that abuse was worse than teh abandonment feeling; however, I do see where it is loss when children are given up at birth with no information.

6. I think adoption is a differnt ways families are created. Adoption is driven for us out of a desire to have a family. We then looked at our options and chose foster care adoption. We are not altruistic people. We went in for our own desire to have a family (just as those who get pregnant do) but the child will (hopefully) benefit from our love, as they do not have parents. If their parents had been able to care for them and not abused them, then they woudl not be our children. If there were no children for adoption we would have not pursued it.

7. Unregulated adoption agencies are icky anywhere. All of our adoption agencies via. private or public (most are done public through foster care) are regulated.

8. Adoption agencies should be non-profit, though they will have to pay social workers and such standard wages. Any agency making money is wrong. It is like any non-profit, I worked in a women's shelter, we of course were paid a wage, but the agency itself was not a money maker, hence non-profit.

Good questions all, thanks for asking.

Sophie

Sure! (Thanks for asking!)

1)changing the name of a newly adopted infant/child is acceptable? YES ethical? YES, unless the child is older than say a toddler who may have an opinion about it.

2)do you support the denial of adoptees access to their original birth certificate and adoption papers? NO- any and everyone should be able to obtain anything about themselves that is out there.

3)do you think that adoption fee's should vary depending on race of the child? HECK NO

4) do you think surrendering parents on average are making informed decisions to surrender their children to adoption
INFORMED- yes, but coerced YES to that too. Everyone knows what adoption is this day and age... but not everyone knows how to handle an extreme situation like how they can parent a child, or how they can afford to do it... or WHERE to find the help they may need to parent their child.

5)do you believe that trauma happens to children just from losing their biological parents? YES

6)do you think adoption is a way to provide families with children? YES or provide children with families? YES

7)do you think that unregulated adoption agencies in the United States is acceptable? NO they should all be regulated- or overseen by someone other than the those that can profit from adoptions

8)do you think that lawyers/dr's/agencies profiting off of adoptions is acceptable? YES- to an extent- they do provide a service... but they should not get money strictly to find a baby for someone.

Ed C. (SFECU)

1. Only if a newborn leaves the hospital with their adopted parents is acceptable and ethical only if the natural parents havenâ€™t named them.
2. Definitely not! Everyone deserves to know their correct information!
3. No, adoption fees should not vary.
4. I only know one and she says she did. Other than that I have no basis for an informed position.
5. Yes I do believe trauma happens from losing biological parents.
6. Both I think it is a symbiotic relationship.
7. Absolutely not! That is why change in the systems is so hard to effect.
8. Same answer as #7â€¦ Absolutely not! That is why change in the system is so hard to effect. It also answers #2 because these people are the reason that there is such resistance to open birth records.

LaraSue

1)changing the name of a newly adopted infant/child is acceptable? ethical?
Acceptable yes, ethical, I am not sure. It is the new parents child and all new parents want to name their children.However, if a natural mother requests that they keep the name given, they should respect that. Not all first moms name their babies..In the case of an older child, then no.
2)do you support the denial of adoptees access to their original birth certificate and adoption papers?
Absolutely not!
3)do you think that adoption fee's should vary depending on race of the child?
Absolutely not!
4) do you think surrendering parents on average are making informed decisions to surrender their children to adoption
I can only go on the experience I have had with the 2 first mothers in our family, and yes, they were.
5)do you believe that trauma happens to children just from losing their biological parents?
Not always
6)do you think adoption is a way to provide families with children? or provide children with families?
Both
7)do you think that unregulated adoption agencies in the United States is acceptable?
No
8)do you think that lawyers/dr's/agencies profiting off of adoptions is acceptable?
No

1. I used to think it was acceptable until coming on here. My concern was the kids my wife and i were looking at in foster care had "weird" names that i thought would hinder them later in life i wanted to give them something more "normal" But i realize now how much that is apart of them even if they are a baby
2. No they should have access to their birth certificate but that opinion has also changed
3. NO
4. Yes i do think that most make informed decisions and are not pressured in any way there are all ways exceptions
5. Yes but think there are was to lessen it
6. Both
7.NO
8. Well yes. They need to make a living and lawyers make way to much money anyway no matter what they do. I think the fees are in line with any lawyer you go to for anything the same is for Dr.
Also i do believe in non profit agencies and believe they are non profit. The money they make goes to the social workers to make sure or at least try to make sure that the child is going into a good home and to the running of the business. I don't be live in for profit adoption agencies

Laurel J

1) It is certainly not preferable.
2) A thousand times no.
3) See above
4) It depends, but very often not.
5) Sure it does.
6) It ought to be the second option, but has become the first.
7) Slave trade anyone?
8) See above

Jasmine

1) I do think it is acceptable and ethical IF the child is an infant. If the child were two or older, I'd keep the first name the same.
2) I think adoptees should have the right to their files
3) I don't think fees should vary on race - I actually don't think there should be fees at all! We are saving the govt. money by adopting anyway!
4) Yes, I don't think most people just do it on a whim.
5) Usually I don't think it's trauma, but it will likely stay with them (a feeling of abandonment)
6) Both
7) Yes, especially if it is family based
8) They need to stay in business, but I personally think it should all be govt. funded

cruzgirlz3

1. no
2. no
3. no
4. there is definitely manipulation and coercion that take place...but not all the time. Many make fully informed decisions,...that does not mean they don't experience pain though. would be very interested to see any studies on this.
5. Not trauma. Loss in every case, yes. But a wide range of responses to this loss.
6. both in reality
7. no
8. no.

great question. interesting answers.

BPD Wife

Unfortunately, what one feels they believe in and how they actually treat the situation when it occurs can be two totally different things. I know, because that is what happened in our case. Many times you don't know until you are faced with ALL of the facts on the situation. Here's what I mean...

1) Changing the name - we battled with this decision we adopted our son at 6 months. His name was "different' and we were afraid it would cause him trouble as he grew older (kids can be cruel). Yet, we did decide to keep it and chose to nickname him if it became a major issue as he got older. However, his middle name was one that we had difficulty with because it was tied to neglect and abuse he had received. We chose to change his middle name at finalization (with the blessing of his bio-grandparents). Some may consider that unethical, but it was for the child's sake.
2) I support open records, however, I do worry about how it will affect children who were removed from the home due to abuse or neglect. I worry about the child's safety even as an adult if they search for abusive bio parents.
3) I do not feel fees should vary depending on the race of a child, but can understand that there may be additional expenses if travel, etc., is involved due to another country being involved.
4) I do believe that many parents who make an adoption plan for their child make informed decisions. But I also know that there are parents out there who are coerced into relinquishment.
5) I struggle with the trauma issue. I think for some, the trauma of loss can be difficult. However, I also think that in some cases, the loss can be a welcomed change also. In instances of neglect or abuse, I think the child's relief and sense of security outweigh the loss that they may feel.
6) I think the answer is both - but do feel that it should be all about the child and what is in his/her best interest.
7) Unregulations adoption agencies ANYWHERE is NOT acceptable.
8) Profiting is a difficult question to answer also. I think that some money has to be involved to insure that the child is placed in a safe & loving home. I never realized that the agencies were "for profit" until I came here. However, I can see the need to have some type of profit to continue the work that is being done. I'm not sure that I agree with calling it "profit" but if they need to make money to continue offering services, I can see that being necessary.

Hope that helps to explain my views on some topics.

aloha.girl59

1) Yes, I believe it's acceptable and ethical. I changed my son's name when I brought him home -- not because I wanted to erase his past but because he had a very long, very silly, girly-sounding made up name that I honestly didn't think he would appreciate when he got older.
2) I do NOT support denial of access to OBCs and other papers.
3) I think that charging money for a child is disgusting. I think that one race being "more valued" than another is even MORE disgusting.
4) I would not have known what this question even MEANT six months ago. Now I do and I think there is WAY too much coercion going on. Therefore I don't think most surrendering parents are being properly informed of their rights, etc.
5) Yes.
6) Quite honestly, both. But in order for a family to "gain" a child, it should be a child who would otherwise have no parents, NOT a child taken from a woman who has been coerced to surrender her baby.
7) NO!
8) Absolutely not. Adoption should be nonprofit. Period.

Freckle Face

Let me ask a question then i'll come back and answer.

1) in most cases i'd keep the name. I'm still confused about whether to change a foreign name so the child does not get teased. IDK

2) i support adoptee's access to everything

3) no

4) thru info on this forum, sadly no

5) yes

6) hadn't thought about it before this forum, to provide children with families.

7) no

8) no

okay... I would have to change number 1) to no and no

Thanks to everyone who answered my questions and helped enlighten me!

wynn

1) Changing the name - Most children should be able to keep their real name, but in some instances a change is ok.

2)no, adoptees should not be denied access to their own information

3)No, fees should not change based on race

4)I don't feel like I should answer this, I don't know enough about what women are told here in the US. If a mom feels that she was pressured, I believe her. If a mom says that she feels comfortable with her decision to relinquish, I believe her. I can't second guess people who have actually been in that position. But I do think that there should be assistance for women to help them at least try to parent if they want to. Also, contracting before a baby is born may not be fair to moms who are scared and emotional.

5)yes, loss of parents = trauma

6)number one consideration should be to provide children with loving, stable homes.

7)no, unregulated agencies are not acceptable.

8) I suppose that if lawyers/dr's/agencies are involved, they'll insist on getting paid. But if you mean, private adoption in the US should give way to all adoptions being handled by the states, I think that's a great idea. Adoption shouldn't be a 'for profit' business.

HappyMomAnna

1)changing the name of a newly adopted infant/child is acceptable? ethical?

I believe if the name is not totally "out there" then keeping it should not be an issue.... I think it is ethical and acceptable for a newborn MORE so than any child whom has been called by a name...

2)do you support the denial of adoptees access to their original birth certificate and adoption papers?

I support open records of all kinds when a person is of legal age... Until then like any other child I believe the parents should use their best judgement...

3)do you think that adoption fee's should vary depending on race of the child?

No Oppinion as we did not pay for our adoptions in any way shape or form....

4) do you think surrendering parents on average are making informed decisions to surrender their children to adoption

The ones that I personally know who have placed a baby or child or contemplated placing a baby or child have expressed they believed they were making an informed decission... The reunited adoptees I personal know report that their birth families made an informed decision to surrender.... The only exposure I have to anyone feeling they did not make an informed decision have been on the Internet.

5)do you believe that trauma happens to children just from losing their biological parents?

I believe there is a loss--and I believe that in many cases there is trauma such as for our daughter who was the second child--the first being surrendered at birth--she being removed from her birthmother by the police four years later.... She has Trauma.... Our son who was removed at 6-weeks DOES not have the same kind of trauma as his sister...the other 2 siblings in another adoptive home--do not appear to suffer the same kind of trauma our little girl does....

6)do you think adoption is a way to provide families with children? or provide children with families?

It is away to provide children with families... There would not be adoption if there were no children or babies needing to be adopted.

7)do you think that unregulated adoption agencies in the United States is acceptable?

I have no oppinion here--as I have no relationship with an adoption agency... Only DHS

8)do you think that lawyers/dr's/agencies profiting off of adoptions is acceptable?

Our attorney didn't charge us anything for both adoptions and added our will and family trust to the transaction for no costs!

MaddiQ

1)changing the name of a newly adopted infant/child is acceptable? ethical?
**Yes, but it's also nice to incorporate their previous name in some way if desirable

2)do you support the denial of adoptees access to their original birth certificate and adoption papers?
**No, I think they should have access to them

3)do you think that adoption fee's should vary depending on race of the child?
**Maybe...healthy Caucasian children are hard to come by. Maybe by offering a financial incentive, families would consider adopting children of other races who are just as needy and lovable. It's a thought.

4) do you think surrendering parents on average are making informed decisions to surrender their children to adoption
**Not really...most are responding to a crisis and are just trying to get through it the best way they can

5)do you believe that trauma happens to children just from losing their biological parents?
**Not unless they're old enough to know what's happening

6)do you think adoption is a way to provide families with children? or provide children with families?
**Both. It doesn't have to be mutually exclusive.

7)do you think that unregulated adoption agencies in the United States is acceptable?
**NO! I think that all adoption agencies should be regulated. Without rules you open the door to all kinds of unethical issues

8)do you think that lawyers/dr's/agencies profiting off of adoptions is acceptable?
**NO. I think that anyone profiting from adoptions is horrible, really. These children are not FOR SALE they need a loving, stable home with parents who love them. Unfortunately, adoptions do require a lot of work from trained social workers, doctors, etc. who need to get paid, but beyond that, making money off placing children is reprehensible.

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

1. Probably should respect the first name, ESPECIALLY if the child already well knows the name (a talking age child that can say his/her name and respond to it) But for brand new infants, to an extent, they are not their first-parent's child anymore, they are the new family's child.. to an extent parents have a right to name their own child.. to an extent..
2. NO
3. don't see why they should.. that sounds discriminatory
4. I'd like to think they are, I'm sure many are, but probably many aren't
5. Every child is different. I don't believe that every child feels the same things that others do.. it's impossible to give a definitive yes or no answer, because I have heard MANY adoptees say they have never felt taumatized, never felt a sense of loss, etc... but obviously, I've heard many that say they have!! (I basically agree with Sarah underneath me on this one)
6. It should be the latter.. But I don't think there's anything wrong with MATCHING UP a person who wants a family with a child that is out there already needing a home, or who's mother is convinced (despite all efforts to offer aid and inform her) that she cannot care for this child.. (I know I'm going to get crucified on this one) I know many here don't believe that these women exist, but they DO.. more than you think..
7. Absolutely not.. Every system needs regulation or corruption is sure to follow
8. Okay, read all the way through this one before getting out the cross and nails....everyone has to earn their bread. If a lawyer's JOB is to deal with adoptions, then that's how he makes his living.. He probably does not have time in his schedule to do this pro-bono and some other work that can support him.. Same with workers at adoption agencies.. so these people need to get paid SOMEHOW to do an honest days work (okay so make sure what they're doing is honest and ethical!!)... maybe it should be on the government payroll.. maybe lawyers aren't needed in adoption.. Not sure, but obviously these things should not be done for prophit.. Paramedics are there to help people, but they get paid for it!! They have to!! That's their bread and butter.. So..basically what I'm saying is that these people need to get paid to do their jobs. But that doesn't mean they should be "profiting" But they should be paid for honest services.. PLEASE try hard to understand what I am trying (not very successfully) to say, and not take it the wrong way..

Doctors.. I don't see what they should have to do with adoption.. They deliver the baby.. they provide medical services in the form of keeping everyone healthy..period.. they get paid for these medical services.. I don't see where/how they should have anything to do with adoption.. (I'm saying if they do, they shouldn't)

EDIT For #8.. Read Terry D's response to #8.. THAT'S what I was trying to say LOL... she said it better..

Sarah

1) This one I'm not sure on. If the child is still an infant, I really don't know what to say. While I named the baby I relinquished only to have her renamed (which hurt me), I can't say that as an adoptive parent, I wouldn't have done the same, had I adopted an infant with a name I didn't like. For a child who clearly knows their name, then no.

2) No- I don't support the denial of any paperwork to anyone who is an adult, or who has a capable adult there to provide said paperwork (adoptive parents, biological parents, guardians) if the paperwork involves them in any way.

3) NO! 'Nuf said.

4) Yes.

5) To me, it depends on the age of the child. I don't agree that it causes lifetime trauma when a child and parent are separated for whatever reason, at birth. (Not to say that I don't believe that babies do know their mother's voices, heartbeats, etc.- I just don't believe the seperation causes 'trauma'- I believe infants are more resiliant. At a certain age, I still can't name a number, then yes, I do believe that seperation causes trauma. That is part of why I don't believe in coercion to parent- when an individual has decided that adoption is the route they'd like to go, but are coerced into parenting, I'd hate to think that the child may be neglected/abused or relinquished later. I believe that there are times a parent just needs to let their infant go.

6) Yes, both.

7) No.

8) Lawyers profiting, (making more than their usual fees for legal services), no. Dr.'s profiting in the same way, no. Agencies, yes- but I do feel there should be limits- just like I don't feel that a grocery store should not be able to charge $20 for a loaf of bread just because people want bread, I don't feel agencies should be able to charge extreme amounts because people want children. I am okay with a slight profit for the SERVICES they provide, not 'the sale of children'- I think that the two are separate issues. (In this example, think of getting your haircut... $30+ to have someone use a pair of scissors is not reasonable, to me, but they do need to be compensated for their time, their skill that they went to school to learn, the space that they are providing, etc.)

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