I am 18 and pregnant .. considering adoption...please read details?

pdiddi

Your willing to give up YOUR OWN child because your fiance 'cant handle raising someone else's child'? Obviously he doesn't love you as much as he says he does because if he did he would forget about the fact that your pregnant by another man. He should be happy for you that your having a child. What your basically saying is 'oh i don't like this child so I'm going to throw him away and make a new one, hopefully i like the new one'.

Tell the baby's father that your pregnant. Maybe he actually has a brain and will want to keep his child.

People like you make me sick.

Gershom

choosing a man over your own child is low. This is you FLESH AND BLOOD.

zapata420:)

Well i would say if your fiance really loved you he would accept that baby as his own before you make a decision about giving the baby up always remeber guys come and go your child is always goin to be your child.Good luck in any decision that you make.

eraine2001

You shouldn't make your decision based on your current boyfriend. It is so not cool that he told you that he wouldn't be able to handle raising someone else's child. I would go talk to a counselor about this. Adoption is not something to take lightly. Sure you don't want a kid from another guy....but this is also a kid that is FROM YOU. It will look like you. It might talk like you, laugh like you. Adoption is a wonderful plan...but I think you should really think it through before you do it for some guy you're dating. You are 18 and should take responsibility.

concerned

My heart is breaking for you, reading this. I just... I know. I've been there; I know how hard this is; and I'm sorry.

Please, if I can be so bold, please... don't relinquish your baby for adoption.

Placing a child for adoption will not make your life with your fiance easier. I went through a similar situation, and chose to relinquish, thinking it would be easier for my fiance (now husband) to not have to raise another man's daughter. I was dead wrong. It complicated our relationship, to the point where we nearly divorced. I had a LOT of anger towards him because of it. It has also led to intimacy issues for us, trust issues, and put a strain on our relationship because of the major depression I suffered as a result of losing my child.

It is NOT worth it.

Please, please, please... keep your baby, and save yourself the heartache.

sunny

This is a formula for disaster.

You will be devastated if you do not keep and raise your baby. Your on again /off again boyfriend's feelings are NOT a good reason to give your baby to a stranger to raise.

Ultimately, you will resent your boyfriend (IF your relationship lasts) forever if you go through with this plan.

If you decide to go through with this pregnancy, I hope you choose your child (your blood relative) over this guy.

TattooedMomma

honestly Hun
if Ur going to treat this child like a second class citizen because u and his father made a mistake
that wasn't his fault at all
he or she would be better off with someone else
also u can not replace a child with another
and keeping it a secrete from Ur former boy toy
this is not 3rd grade Hun
these are actual lives Ur playing with
my advice to you is this

1. speak to a licensed therapist
2. TELL THE FATHER OF THIS BABY (the one Ur caring NOW)
3. the guy who cant handle raising another mans child doesn't care about you... because Hun that baby is part of you
4. GROW UP

i know I'm being harsh
but i think that's what u need

Marisela

Well I think you should not give it to adoption. I think you are going to regret it later in your life.

jaineelyse

HI, for starters you will have a hard time hiding the fact that you are pregnant as your body will change and your eating habits and what about when you go into labour, sooner or later someone will guess and it will come out.
2. have you really though about this has your fiance really though about this, if he loved you he wouldn't put pressure on you to get rid of the baby or give it up, and if you really didn't want a baby you should have used protection. I'm sorry but i think that you really need to think about this more could you honestly go for 9 months and not grow fond of the baby inside you?
Do you really think that it will make you and your fiance stronger if you give up the baby ? do you think you would be able to give it up? There's a lot more to think about than your relaionship. this is a baby a human being you have to think about and thier rights, a baby has the right to know its birth mum to be with its mother. But if you dont want it, no one can force you to have it but the father deserves to have the right to know and have a say in the decision. maybe its father will want it and want to have it and keep it if you dont. you need to tell the father and let him have a say too or its not right or fair.

Julie R

If your fiancÃ© says he won't be able to handle raising someone else's child, lose your fiancÃ©! That shows that his love for you is conditional. I wonder what else he "won't be able to handle." NEVER give up your flesh and blood for the 'love' of a man. What a horrible trade off - and imagine telling that adult child why s/he was given away. OMG how painful.

You can never know how you will feel about your baby until s/he is born. Most women find that they love their child unconditionally regardless of the father - even rape victims. If there is an adoption plan in place, you could be devastated, and there is no recovering from losing a child whether to death or to adoption.

If you do NOT want a child from this other man, get an abortion.

So whats the question? It sounds like you need to give this baby to a home where both parents will love him/her. The only thing I worry about is you resenting him later on if you regret your decision. Having another baby immediatley after you have this child is not smart. You cannot replace this child and even if you do not want a child by this other man you have to remember that it is half of you as well and it's not as easy as you are thinking to give a child that you have carried for 9 months and formed a bond with away. Really think about your decision... don't do anything to please your fiance because you did nothing wrong since you were broken up at the time.

peroxidekween

Now when you say "we want to keep this secret," I'm assuming from people outside of your relationship with your fiance. However, it takes two to make a life, and if you are 100% positive that this baby is with your ex, you need to tell him what's going on.
I understand that you don't want a child from the other guy, but sweetheart you've got to think of the big picture, regardless.. You're pregnant, whether you wanted it or not, and it's not something that's just going to disappear just because you don't want it to happen.
Giving a baby up for adoption is very hard. This is a part of you, a life inside of you. If you really feel it is absolutely necessary to give the baby up for adoption, it's understandable. However, you really need to talk to your ex first. If he doesn't want the baby either, maybe he could help with the adoption fees.

Having another baby right after is not only bad for you emotionally, it'll be hard on your body as well. I'm not sure how well you've carried this child so far, but everyone I know has had a rough first pregnancy. You would definitely need to give yourself some time to recover.

Plus, babies add stress to relationships and you don't want to dive from one issue to the next, that's not healthy either.

Why won't your fiance be able to handle raising someone else's child? That sounds like another issue in and of itself.

My best advice, after reading this over several times, is to talk to your ex about the baby. Make sure you go and get your regular checkups. Treat this baby as if you were going to keep it - take care of both of you. It's a really tough decision to be a mother and you are so young yet, sweetie. Please be careful and take care of yourself and your baby.

Mel W

Okay... Lots of people who have already responded seem to be assuming that the father of this baby would want to be, or even is capable of, being a good father... In reality he may not be a responsible guy at all...

In most states, if you and your fiance are married at the time of this baby's birth, it is assumed that your husband is the baby's father... No questions asked.

Do think carefully, though about this decision. As so many before me have pointed out this is your baby, and you do not want to end up resenting your current guy if adoption is not something YOU really want.

My son came to me through rape, but I could never even consider placing him up for adoption... But every one is different, and you ultimately you must decided what is best for you, and your child...

I wish all the best, no matter what you decide.

God bless!

rose_2620

Wow, that's a tough one, and you truly are the only one who can decide what is right for you and your baby, and if your finance and you are truly serious about staying together you will work it out whatever you decide. But either way, it's going to be work, so don't kid yourself. You don't want to get down the road with him and then blame him later that you gave your child up when you really didn't want to. And I'm not saying anything bad about your fiance I'm sure he's a great guy, but it sounds a little bit selfish on his part as far as not wanting to raise somebody else's child. I know many men who step in and "raise other people's children" when the child is the woman that they love's. And does the other guy know that you are pregnant? because if he does, he will have right's to that child so even if you don't want the child he might and so you have to take into consideration, "do I want him raising the baby?" Because you may not have feelings for the child's father, but you obviously care about the baby. Do what is right for you, don't make a irrational decision because it is something your boyfriend wants for you because you are the one who has to live with it for the rest of your life, not him. Good luck!

Laura F

You realy need to discuss this with your parents! All three sets. yours and your two boyfriends sets of parents. Are you really going to terminate your parents and the other grandparents rights to their grandchild without even letting them give their oppion. You need to GROW UP!!! If your going to PLAY>>>>U HAVE TO PAY the price. This is another human being your talking about , not some toy or rag doll!!!

Notreallyhere30

Why don't you talk to the other guy? That is HIS kid too! That is BS. Did you ever think that maybe he would want to take responsibility and raise his kid?

People like you make me sick.

AmandaRae

This recently happened to my brother. He and his girlfriend broke up, both got new significant others, and then found out that the ex-girlfriend was pregnant. They were SOO stressed out, understandably. Somehow, however, after the baby was born they both changed so much for the better. Now, instead of having 2 parents, their baby (who is 18months old now) has 4 parents who love him sooo much! I agree, it is a difficult situation and it is completely YOUR choice. So listening to what people say on this forum is useless. Just make sure you don't give up a baby for your fiance. You are very very young and it is a big decision. I would suggest not keeping it a secret and seeking advice from friends and family who might be able to help you.

I hope that everything works out great and that you two are able to get through this tough time and are able to feel confident in your decision. Best Wishes :)

RearFace@18mo.

You seem very selfish and unloving to your child. Imagine how your child will feel like when he/she knows he mom didn't want he/she but wanted someone else. You are so sick. I feel so sorry for your baby.

Heather B

Please don't give your baby away. Your baby needs you and nobody could ever replace you

It is traumatic for a child to be separated from his/her mother and to do that intentionally when you are capable of parenting a child is just the most hideous idea I've ever heard

It's not about you, the father or your boyfriend; it's about that little innocent life and how he or she is going to feel being cast aside by his/her own mother in favour of another child

Why can't your fiance raise the child? if he loves you? and your baby is part of you

laura k71

It sounds like you are in a rough spot.i was once in a similar situation.

I once considered giving my second child up for adoption because i thought i would not be able to support two children ( because i was alone and 18 years old) but , she was stubborn even before she was born and came late and so i had extra time to think and i kept her and i am so glad i did. she is the joy of my life.

You did not say how far along you are. If you are talking about adoption i guess that is the only option left??
There are other ways, up to a certian time.IF you are less than 3 months call planned parenthood or go talk to a counselor there about it.
there is surgical ("d&c") and non surgical abortion (pills you take)i am not advocating it, but i have experienced the d&c and i lived thru it with no anesthesia.it is like very severe cramps. they can explain it to you better.the father does not have to be present and no one has to know, you only need a person to drive you home. i will tell you the longer you wait the more expensive it gets.

If adoption is the only option, then i doubt when the time comes you will NOT be able to keep it a secret.

does the father of the child know?he will have to sign away his parental rights, just as you will have to, for an adoption to take place.laws vary from state to state, you need to look into that. find a lawyer or better yet, look for an adoption agency who can handle all the details of hooking you up with prospective parents for the child, they will know the details.

it would not be good to try to have another child right away. your body needs 6 months to a year for it to heal from the first pregnancy.if you dont give your self this time to heal it can affect your next child AND it will affect your body too.
i know, mine are exactly 1 year apart, born on the same birthdate. the second one has always been more prone to illnesss then the first and it took me much longer to recover from having her, mentally and physically.

you are both very young still, you have alot of time to have babies.
think about it babies are little PEOPLE. they dont stay babies. think about YOU first
what do you want to do with your life? I waited 15 years to go to college because i had my childeren so young(17) i am oldest in the class. the people my age are all having babies now and i dont have anything in common with them, i'm done with that stage of my life. you should think about this very hard. and he should too. make a plan for 2,5,10 years, where do you want to be and what do you want to be doing? talk to a counselor if you have to.but i implore you to give your self that 1 year before you try to have another child. by the way, lots of churches have freee pre-marital counseling .

I hope some of this has helped you.Please confide in someone. I think your family would want to help you with this.

1 Hott Mami

babe, a child is a gift, not a mistake.

i know a girl who is pregnant by a man who is a drinker, on drug, etc, and she has alot of the odds against her and is still having her baby. i bet you anything that as soon as you hold your child you will not want to give it up. and why have a baby righ after? i don't understand. this is your child. not only the other guy's child. YOURS. if your bf loves you he can love your child too. i was in a similar situation and me and my bf (not the baby's dad) adore "our" son. please re-conider, and please let people know. you may chage your mind when you se how much people care and how supportive they can be.

Angie O

Regardless of who this babies Dad is, YOU are still its Mom. Its a part of you. If your fiance really loved you, he would love your child too regardless of who the Dad is. Wait until you lay eyes on your child, then decide if this is something that you can do. While I am never against adoption and think that its a wonderful choice for some people, you need to be sure that you can live with giving up YOUR 1st born child.

readymama2007

It is my lifelong dream to adopt and I hope that you will consider talking with me about "open adoption." I'm a want-to-be-Mommy in Northern California, in the fortunate position to be a stay-at-home Mom! (no need for daycare!) I have so much to offer a baby -- love, resources, financial stability, and extended family and friends. I have an education as a Marriage & Family Therapist, and work with lots of kids and parents. I also have LOTS of nieces and nephews and they bring me great joy.

I am wanting to adopt for all of the right reasons -- to give a child a home, a loving family, an education, and a lifetime of opportunity. I am also very open to an "open adoption" where YOU get to choose the level of contact you will have over the years with this child that you're carrying and loving. Together, you and I can create a wonderful life for this child through an open adoption.

Please consider talking with me: readymama2007@yahoo.com

You can also read more about my story at www.myspace.com/adoption2007

prttylilrebel

I think it's wonderful that you are considering placing the child for adoption. Because the child deserves to be with people that are going to love him/her unconditionally.
Second, if you're fiance is telling you that he doesn't want you to keep the baby because it isn't his..kick his butt to the curb. Any man that loves you should be able to step up and say: Who cares if the child isn't mine, but I will treat it like it was.
I personally don't think that it is right that you don't want the baby just because you got pregnant by your ex. That is a pretty selfish thing to do. And you shouldn't have been sleeping with him in the first place unprotected. And then to want to have a child immediately thereafter is ridiculous.
Let me tell you my story in brief: I got pregnant when I was 19 and the father and I were engaged. When he found out that I was pregnant he gave me the choice of having an abortion or placing the baby for adoption. I chose adoption. We went through all the motions of getting ready to place the baby for adoption when he was born and I decided that I didn't want to do it. I couldn't go through with it. Yes, I thought at times am I really going to be able to raise a child that was created by someone who was so mean and hurtful to me. And in the end I realized that I wasn't going to let my ex ruin it for me. My son is now 3, almost 4 years old and the love of my life. He is my everything. I am also dating a great guy who treats my son as if he were his.
Think long and hard about the reason that you thinking about placing your child for adoption. Don't do it simply because your fiance is telling you to or because you don't want to have your ex's child. Those are pretty stupid. Do it for the right reasons.

jessica300

As many others have said, please try to find a way to keep your child. This little person growing inside of you is 50% you - and heck 50% of someone you at least at one time thought was a pretty interesting person.

You should get counseling and talk to family members if possible - find people who can tell you what your choices are. You will NOT get unbiased counseling if you go to an adoption agency - they will push you to relinquish your child. If you do consider adoption wait until after your child is born. You should not even be talking to an adoption agency representative until well after you give birth.

This is really, really important *** You need to have time to spend with your baby after he or she is born, to experience unconditional love for your baby, to hold and care for this child you created before you make any decisions.

Please, step up to the plate for your child. I think it is heartbreaking that your fiance isn't able to be there for you, but that doesn't mean that you can't be there for your baby. There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you can't replace your baby.

I lost my son to adoption many years ago. I regret it daily.

Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

MrsMarshall=)

i feel for this poor child that is a part of you. It didn't ask to be conceived and you, it's own mother, is giving it up because of your fiance'. I'm not judging you because i've not been in your situation, but as a woman who desperately wants a child and can't have one i'm having a really hard time understanding how you can give up something so precious.

God bless you and best of luck. Please, rethink this whole situation. There are some people like me and my husband who would give anything to be pregnant.

Rebecca

You have to do what is right in your mind, not your fiance. Men will come and go, even if you are engaged but this decision will be with you for the rest of your life. There are many families that would love to adopt your child, however in nearly every state the birthfather will need to sign away his rights. Have you asked if he would want to parent the child?

sissy Litzinger

I am willing to adopt your child into a loving secure home. Dont listen to the haters

sissy Litzinger

I am willing to adopt your child into a loving secure home. Dont listen to the haters

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