I am meeting my birthmother in 1 week.. how do i deal with these feelings??

PhilM

There is no right answer to these questions. Hug her if you are comfortable with that; don't if you aren't.

The way you are describing your feelings is so familiar. I went through the "happy, but scared" feelings too when I was first meeting my first mom (and the second time, etc.). It's normal. But it's scary and overwhelming.

Don't put pressure on yourself to do or be anything. Just try to let yourself be and feel how you feel.

And if you want to talk to a lot of good, supportive adoptees who have been through this, come to

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php

Good luck to you! I hope it goes well.

Lillie

You don't know how you are going to react until the moment arrives.

Just relax (hard to do) and breathe. Whatever happens, happens. No doubt she will be feeling the exact same way. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to feel...it is perfectly natural to be both excited and scared at the same time!

When I first met my mother, I couldn't even breathe as we drove up her street. I literally could not will my lungs to inhale. But as the events unfolded, we both found our way...things had a way of falling into place.

The best advice I can give is to go easy on yourself and don't worry about your actions...just focus on her and the moment and experiencing this once in a lifetime event. Make the most of it!

a healing adoptee

just be open and honest with your feelings.

snowwillow20

The first meeting I had with my birthdaughter, my knees were shaking. It was my husband (her birth father) her and her amom. We met for lunch and I had assembled some pictures of us when we young and of her bio brother. Her amom couldn't find any baby pics of her. We gave her flowers. We talked about nothing and everything. When we left, we hugged. It was great, wonderful and exciting. It's been 7 years and it's still great. Just be yourself, if you want to hug, hug. You will know when you meet what to do. Make sure you take a picture album of yourself, I know she will love it.

LindseyTaylor

believe me..she is just as nervous as you are..just be yourself as cheesy as that sounds.

as a birthmom i can tell you she will pick up on anything that may not be right and it will scare her and make her shut down. any fakeness or acting. its ok to be nervous...just be you, and if its meant to be and the connection is there then it will make a lifelong relationship..

Good Luck!

SherryFalcon F

I don't think you can choreograph such a meeting. Be yourself and do what you feel. You'll be fine!! Congratulations to you!!!!

MamaKate

I can imagine that she feels the same! I bet she is wondering if you will want to hug her and if it will be ok to wrap her arms around you back. My guess she's been waiting to do that for twenty years.

I'm sure you will figure it out when the time comes - you both want to see each other so just let it happen as it goes along. Be yourself - I'm pretty sure she already loves you!

Best wishes for a lovely reunion and a happy and healthy relationship to follow! :)

dontknow86

Just be yourself, It will go great ! I cant wait for my day I gave up a babygirl and we found each other on the web, This year in March ! We havent met yet.

Liss

Be open and honest with your feelings and her. She is probably feeling the same things you are. After all, she gave you up, for whatever reasons, allow her to explain and Listen without Defending but Speak without Offending. Try and keep that phrase in mind. This is going to be a very trying time for both of you. As a Birth Mother of a young man that recently turned 21 I can tell you it was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life. I will pray for you. Liss

gurlluvtom

be yourself, if she cries, then its okay for u to
talk, suggest to do something together in public (so u'll both have fun, and no explosions, cause ur in public)
be kind and charming
talk
show her what an AWESOME man (or woman) u turned out to be
be polite, open doors, and such,
help w/ dishes
TREAT HER LIKE A MOM (no, treat her like YOUR mom)

most importantly, tell her how u feel, if u hate her for not keeping u, say so! be open, im sure she's feeling like u

Summertime

Pimp slap her

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