I am pregnant, I have 2 options, abort or find a nice couple for a private open adoption. How can I find them?

magic pointe shoes

You are very new to being pregnant. Either you want to be pregnant or you don't, that's where the abortion vs pregnancy choice comes in. In one of the earlier questions today, someone mentioned the statistics of how women feel about the choice of abortion afterwards, regret, remorse, etc...

Once you decide on whether you want to be pregnant or not, then much later you would decide on parenting or relinquishing. Again the emotional impact is there again, and having to live with either choice is something only you can determine. Most adoption agencies and private lawyers won't be ready to even talk with you until you are much further along in your pregnancy.

Anyway, be fully informed of the consequences to you and your child before you decide.

snowwillow20

Either way it's going to be hard to live with. I haven't had an abortion but I've given a child away. It will scar you for ever. I would think that abortion might be better depending on your beliefs because at least you have closure.

porshalynn2003

Please don't do either of those. I was adopted as a child and am in the process of locating my biological mother. I had a good childhood with a very loving family. But my life will never be complete without knowing who my birth mother is. You'r child will always wonder and think about you especially on holiday's and their birthday, and will not have closure without knowing you or why you gave them up. My life is a mess right now and I think I need counseling. Please keep your baby......you will not be able to live with yourself if you carry them 9 months and hand them over to some strangers. Really think about what your doing.

Felicita1

I think it's 8 months too early to know if you want this child or not. That's what pregnancy and birth is for: it changes a woman into a mother in such a way (physically, neurologically, biochemically) such that a pregnancy she neither planned nor wanted can become a very loved and wanted baby.

Many mothers find this out only after they have given birth, and by then often it is too late as they've "made adoption plans" and feel they have to follow thru and cannot back out.

There are resources to help you keep your baby. I advise you to consider putting a plan into place that lets you freely choose either option (keep or surrender) after the birth of your child.

BTW, agencies won't charge you anything because, depending on the race of your baby, they can stand to make a large amount of money from "brokering" the child to prospective adoptive parents. White babies can go for $25,000 or more. AA babies for $5000 and up (market demand factors into this -- it is a business).

And yes, they'd be happy to find you "the couple of your dreams" who would be happy to pay your expenses such as that you'll feel financially obligated to hand over your baby. You should be warned though that open adoption promises, even on paper, are NOT legally binding. Once the adoption is finalized, their names are on the birth certificate as having given birth to your child, and you legally don't exist in the life of your child. They can close the adoption at any time. If you can't live with a closed adoption, don't go for an open one. It is still adoption.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

thankfully i am not your kid.

Cool Hal

I am sorry I am struggling to get over your comment:-

"Also I would want all my expenses paid, I know that sounds awful but again I can easily go out and get an abortion so clothing and food and such would need to be compensated"

You have a sound aguemnet but the way you say it is emotional blackmail - either give me money or I will get an abortion.

And therefore I think I am going to go before I say something that I wont regret......

Maybe these anger management course are working.

Amy

First, should you adopt, or should you abort? Consider this:

Abortion takes life, adoption gives life.

I was adopted, instead of aborted, and I am so thankful to my birthmother (whom I've never met) that she gave me life. In fact, all 6 of my siblings are alive because my birthmother didn't abort. We are all thankful.

Abortion is something I'm passionate about, and a while ago, I made a webpage about it. I will give you the outline and the link.:

Outline of webpage:

ABORTION

Facts
development of a baby, an unborn child feels pain, methods, facts, when life begins, a woman's right to take a life, science, the arguments of abortion, abortion statistics

Risks
psychological risks, medical and emotional complications, the affects of abortion, after abortion

Regrets
regretting abortion

Pro Life
former abortionists against abortion, abortion survivors, celebrities against abortion

Clinics
planned parenthood, abortion clinics, former abortionists

Other
music videos, overpopulation, stem cell research, the bible on abortion...

HERE'S THE LINK:

http://docs.google.com/View?docid=dcp466nb_6fs6d8gg7

Adoption is a good choice if you truly feel you cannot take care of your child or give it proper care. (Though love is the most important care you can give).

"Adoption can be a loving alternative for biological parents who may have a variety of reasons for being unable to care for their children."

If you decide on adoption, the parents should tell the child from the beginning that they are adopted (like my parents did). This way they grow up accepting it, it is normal to them. It can be devastating for a child to find out he/she was adopted. For one, can make them feel as if something is wrong with them, or that they don't belong.

The child will have questions at some point, and if you decide to, you can let him/her see you. You can tell them that you did it because you loved them and wanted the best for them.

My birthmother gave me up because she didn't want her family to know she was pregnant. Perhaps she also felt she couldn't take care of my twin and I. (She did drugs and had bipolar disorder, which I have, and that can be very debilitating). If that were the case than I don't blame her, I understand, and I am glad I was raised by my adoptive parents, because I was better taken care of and I think had a better life. (I still would like to meet my birthmother someday and even have a relationship with her--but if I never do, I will still have a good life/be fine).

If you put your baby up for adoption, I think she would be happier if she had contact with you/was able to see you. There has always been a bit of missing piece in my life because I have never known my birthmother. I think it would be a good thing for both of you to be in contact throughout your lives.

So anyways, I hope this helps!

Love,
Amy

thatsme5289

hi i'm 19 and just got married and my husband and i want to adopt a baby so much because my husband was adopted and he seen how good of a life he had so he wants to do the same for another child in need and i heard you can have someone you know adopt your child and that's what i'm looking for becuase i don't have thousands of dollars to spend at an adency but i know the baby i raise will be loved and spoiled

AdoreHim

I would look up attorneys in your area, that specialize in adoption. You will not pay anything monetarily, and the couple will have to pay some fees, and will help with your medical expenses etc. That is the way that we adopted, and we did not worry that we were paying some. It is legal. To have your own child, it does cost as well, if you don't have medical insurance. Getting an abortion, is not easy. The logistics of walking into a clinic maybe, but the procedure isn't. It not only takes the life of your baby, it can cause physical, emotional, and spiritual side effects for years, and sometimes a lifetime. i know, I have counseled women.

For the person who said contact Planned parenthood- please don't. They do not help with adoption agencies, I know someone that wanted info and they would not give it to her. You can get info at pregnancy help clinics near you- there phone is 1-800 CARENET- they will put you in touch with a clinic near you.

laura

www.parentprofiles.com

karcnr

There are plenty of couples wishing to adopt, so please do not have an abortion.

You shouldn't have to pay any agency to place your child for adoption. The adopting couple pays all expenses.

Here are two adoption agencies in Northern California:
LDS Family Services
CA Concord Office (CA Sacramento Agency)
1063 Detroit Avenue, Suite A
Concord, CA 94518-2411
PH: 925-685-2941

LDS Family Services
CA Sacramento Agency
3000Auburn Suite A
Sacramento, CA 95821
PH: 916-483-2154

You can choose the adoptive parents who meet your specifications. You can meet them and choose the amount of contact after placement. The adoptive parents can also pay pregancy related expenses but this varies from state to state so check with the agency.

Best of luck to you.

div2wice

It is best to go through reputable adoption agencies. These are usually agencies that "charge" the adoptive parents costs to handle nearly every aspect of the adoption. You do not want to try to go through a "non paying agency" if there is such a thing because you will get a lot of freaks out there.
Adoption is hard enough for you, you need to go with an agency that will support you through it and help you.
Many, many adoptive parents pay for medical care, clothing, health costs and some even pay for maternity clothing, etc. After all, you are carrying the child that they want to adopt so most take extremely good care of you.
The best thing to do is google adoption agencies in your city. Call and do a bit of research, ask how long they've been business, etc.
You can also have an open adoption, where you may be allowed to visit the child, and/or the adoptive parents will send you pics, etc. That is extremely common these days... basically its ALL up to you, what you want and how you want this to go. You call the shots.
I admire you for looking into adoption, its hard but it is the best option. There are millions of people out there who cannot have their own children, those who would give their life to have a child.... you will be blessing them....and your baby by giving him/her life. You should be proud of yourself for this decision.
Best of luck to you,
Pamela

cmc

We used adoptionconnection.org in san francisco. There are other good agencies in that area too, but of course they charge the fees you don't want the Aparents to pay. In any case you would have to find parents and at least if you find them through an agency you know their home study is complete etc (criminal records check, interviews, home assessment). There are also lawyers who specialize in adoption and will match clients. You can search for "waiting familes" and may find couples that way. Open adoption is common in CA so many families are open to it. I know our agency encouraged it, and I was disappointed when my daughter's mom didn't want any contact (but respect her choice).

allchildrenareangels

I would go to cafe mom and look up adoption. There are a lot of potential adoptive parents that go there. I am sure you could find the family you are looking for.

love,
Michelle

Olivia

give birth. you will be giving an innocent human a chance at life as well as lighting up the lives of the adoptive parents

jack_asseldorf

If your kid is healthy you can make some $$ giving the tyke up to some childless couple.

Snow

Start by looking up your local Planned Parenthood center. Just go to google.com, type in your city and Panned Parenthood, and see what comes up. They will know where to send you to get in contact with good adoption agencies. You might also try your local hospitals; the ones that have maternity wards. They should also be in contact with adoption agencies.

It is not uncommon for adopting parents to be expected to cover all costs of the pregnancy, including doctor visits and delivery. However, you may want to reconsider having a relationship with your child after birth. Too many women change their mind during the adolecent years of the child and attempt to get their child back. This has never and will never be a positive situation for the child and should be avoided at all costs.

I truly hope things work out.

just me

put an ad in the paper, but be prepared for many weirdos.

alexandria

I'm wondering, if you are considering murdering him/her, why do you want updates about the child??

However, I am truly happy that you are considering adoption. I'm sure you don't use murder to get out of any other situations you may get yourself into. You can absolutely find a couple that would want to adopt your baby. You would not have to pay, if anything you would get money. Call your local hospital or planned parenthood to discuss your options. Think about how happy you will make a couple who cannot have children of their own.

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