I am pregnant and I would like to give my baby up to adoption and I'd like some help?

Heather B

The only thing I would say is to get yourself some independent and unbiased counselling to ensure you have been counselled on all your options and are making a fully informed decision

Agencies are in the business of adoption and act on behalf of adopters who are waiting in the wings. Therefore any counselling they offer is bound to be biased toward adoption

Just my opinion though

Oh, and here's some info from other mothers who have been through this situation that they agencies may omit to tell you:

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf

You have plenty of time to investigate your options and nothing is set in stone until after the baby is born. Best of luck and if you are hoping for an open adoption please ensure that you fully trust the adopters that they will keep their word, because there are too many stories out there of the door being slammed shut on the mother as soon as the adoption is final, even though open adoption has been assured. There is no recourse.

Take care

ETA: I notice someone recommending LDS - most of the horror stories come from mothers (and fathers) who've had dealings with LDS and I would urge you to tread carefully there. Personally I wouldn't let them come within a million miles of me if I were in your shoes. Research into the ethical practices of agencies is so important.

IDK!!

there's no hurry. you can chose adoption after the baby is born.

If after the baby is born you decide that it's still what you want you can look into having a family member adopting him/her. FInding adoptive parents now might make you feel obligated.

While you wait to deliver look into some resources. you can get aid to help you raise the baby.

keep you options open.

can I ask what makes you think you can't raise your baby?

You don't need to go to an agency to get counceling. Whoever you chose needs to be on YOUR side. An agency will councel you as to why you need to place your child.

good luck.

breaker12

there is really no hurry, just take your time and think about it when the baby is born

Phoenix

A lot of the advice already given is very useful, but I just wanted to add:

This is probably very obvious, but please please please don't give up your child to anyone you met online. I've noticed some answers from people asking for your child. Don't do it - its too dangerous.

Oh, and yes, get counselling, but get independent counselling. Agencies need babies to be adopted for them to survive as a business, so their counselling is biased towards adoption.

If you do go through with adoption, do it for the right reasons. Because its what you believe is best for you and the baby. Don't do it because people (even a counsellor) tell you that other people can parent your child better than it.

Adoption is a permanant solution to a temporary problem. Please remember that. If you're too young, you'll get older, etc. If the adoptive parents are married and you're told that the child needs a two-parent family, remember that they might divorce or one might die or something.

It is YOUR decision. Don't let anyone make it for you. Take your time to decide. Don't rush it.

Good luck x

Callie F

My husband and I have just started the first steps of becoming adoptive parents, so most of the things I've read come from that perspective.

You need to know that you can change your mind at any point before the final papers are signed. You can switch agencies, you can switch adoptive parents, you can choose to parent yourself. You are not obligated to place your child with any couple or any agency just because you have contact with them.

If anyone pressures you or leads you to believe that you can't change your mind - go somewhere else. This is YOUR pregnancy and YOUR baby. You get to decide.

My greatest fear is that a birth mother is coerced and fooled into placing her child for adoption. People in stressful situations shouldn't be pressured into making a decision that they will regret later.

Jennifer L

First of all, you don't have to make a decision right now.

Second, be sure that you completely understand the process, procedures and your rights. Ask questions. Ask more questions.

It's not a bad idea to contact a counselor not related to adoption in order to help you lay out your options and look at them objectively.

It is a very big decision, probably one of the biggest decisions of your life. So take whatever time you need and get as many different perspectives as you can. Above all else, be fully informed before you make that decision.

Good luck.

Lacy b

I gave my son up for adoption and honestly, I think i did the best thing possable It open adoption so I would suggest that, and also If you think you cant go throught with it just think of your child can you give him mental, physical and emotional support? I know I was NOT ready but now I look back at him and see the most amazing little boy in the world and I would not have changed a thing! DO NOT SIGN ANY THING UNTILL AFTER YOU HAVE THE BABY AND UNTILL YOU KNOW THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!!!

mummiefroggie

I'd say is to atleast ry the first few days with the baby reason being i went through a horrible ordeal with my best friend she put her baby up for adoption and she hated it every day there after and when she finally went to say something everyone brushed her off and now she has no choice but ot go through with the adoption. atleast i is an open adoption so she has some contact with the new baby but some days i think that makes it even harder.
good luck to you and your baby.

chelsea s

Unlike other answerers, I do not recommend waiting until after you have given birth to make your decision. If you are interested in adoption, make the arrangements now. You have a lot of time to find amazing parents for your child. On the other hand, if you waited until after your child is born, you won't have the time to connect with the right people first. YOU are the most important person in the picture right now. You decide who is the best, and how open you want the adoption to be.

If it so happens that before the adoption is set in stone you change your mind, so be it. Like you said, once you go with an agency, they will help you through your decision. A good adoption agency will help you with whatever decision you make. It is common for people to believe that social workers and counselors for adoption agencies are biased. But I don't think this is true. My adoption counselor wanted what was best for me, and that was it. If I had decided to parent, she would have helped me arrange that.

While deciding upon an agency take these into consideration:

How open do you want your adoption, and will the agency facilitate your needs? Remember, once you meet the parents you like, you may change your mind about this.

What type of parents are you looking for? Or what are your ideals? Would you be interested in placing with a gay couple, or would you be more interested in placing with a more conservative family?

What do you want to happen at birth? Would you like to spend the time you have in the hospital with the baby, or would you like to have baby in adoptive parents arms right away?

Also, be sure everything you sign is clarified.

Good luck, I wish you and your child all the best!

Possum

I've lived adoption for 38 years.
I've missed my first family my whole life.
I was raised by a very loving a-family - but I didn't fit - it wasn't right - I didn't look like them - didn't act like them - and hated looking in the mirror - as I always felt wrong. (I didn't look like anyone I grew up with)
Agencies and many adoptive parents just want your baby.
They'll tell you what ever you want to hear.
Get outside counselling - from an independent source.
Read EVERYTHING about adoption - know your rights.
Adoption is a long term solution to an often short term problem.
What is best for you and for this baby - as long as their is no danger - is to stay together.
I know too many adoptees that are pretty messed in the head because of being given away by their mothers.
I know too many relinquishing mothers that have NEVER gotten over losing their child to adoption.
Don't make ANY decisions until AFTER the child is born.
I wish you and your baby all the best.

a healing adoptee

Please go to a adoption agency, or get a lawyer if this is something you want to do. I suggest you really search inside yourself and talk with someone just to make sure this is something you really want to do. Because once you sign your name on that dotted line, it would be hard to get your baby back if you happen to change your mind. Oh, before i forget whatever you do please,please DO NOT answer to anyone on here that is offering to adopt your child. The internet can be a dangerous place and you don't know if you can open yourself up to fraud. Same goes to the two on here that offered to adopt your baby, please go to an adoption agency, asking for a baby over the internet can open yourself up to fraud.

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

Well, as others have said, don't rush into anything!!

Be leary of the "counseling" that agencies may provide.. It very well may be pushing you to go through with the adoption, telling you why that's the best decision, why you can't raise the baby y ourself, blah blah blah... so be careful!!

As for pre-birth matching (finding parents before the baby is born) That's a sticky one.. on one hand, if you are very sure this is what you want, it may be a load off of your mind to have 9 months to find the perfect family for your child.. it may make things less stressful for you

On the OTHER hand, you need to be really careful about getting yourself into a situation you feel you can not back out of.. Pre-birth matching can make you feel "obligated" to go through with the adoption, even if you change your mind.. so be careful with that!! THey may guilt you, or you may guilt yourself!! Remember.. when you have that baby and hold it, you may not want to give it up.. so PLEASE don't get yourself into anything you can't back out of!!

Be careful of having anyone pay "expenses" for you.. Get a good health insurance instead.. IF an agency, or a couple who wants to adopt your child, pays any of your medical (or other) expenses, you may feel obligated to go through with the adoption when you don't really want to..

So, go with your gut, just be super super careful of getting yourself into something that you can't get out of... Many women regret that..

GOod luck and God Bless
THank you for at least choosing LIFE for your child (whether with you or with someone else)

terpalummls

Just want to echo the people who have said not to feel pressured by anyone. I don't think there is anyway to prepare for how you will feel when the baby is born. I recently had a failed adoption (after four weeks, the baby we had hoped to adopt was returned to his mother). His mother had seemed very resolute in her decision throughout the 6 months we worked with her. I applaud you for researching and making plans. Make sure you find counseling and supports that you trust and that will be available to you after the placement if you do make an adoption plan. A few sites I found for the birthmother we were working with: www.birthmombuds.com and http://lifemothers.com/
I know someone will probably correct me and say that you are not a "birthmother" yet b/c you haven't placed but the site is great and run for/by women who have walked your path. Good luck to you.

Loving mother

Make sure you talk to a lot of people in the agencies to find the one that best works for you and makes you feel comfortable. If you are unsure about adoption make sure that you understand all of your rights. Some agencies allow you the opportunity to meet the adoptive parents and ask them all the questions you want bu t be aware that many people will tell you anything to get your baby. Check out the information they give you about themselves on the internet if possible. You owe it to your baby to do some research to make sure she is going to a good home.

hmc

You are a caring person to make sure your baby has agood life. just pick the agency you feel most comfortable with. best of luck!!

cmc

I would meet with people at the agency to see who you are comfortable with, and also maybe speak to other birthmoms who have worked with them. If you still can't decide look at the waiting families for each (they are most likely online) and if you find a family you really like, ask to talk to them, and use that to decide.

We worked with a CA adoption agency and had a great experience (we're a-parents). Our birthmom was actually in GA, and found us through another web site.

Make sure who ever you go with listens to you, doesn't pressure you, and respects your opinions/decisions. You may "match" with a family before the birth, but nothing is really decided until you sign the relinquishment papers after the birth - so you can always change your mind if you aren't sure. No one should pressure you to do otherwise, since it is an enormous decision, and one you really can't 100% commit to until the baby is here.

Also you don't mention the father. You'll have to either identify him to the agency/lawyer, or if he is unknown provide as much information as you can. you need to be very honest about this, since any errors here and put the adoption at risk. His rights have to be properly terminated in order for the adoption to take place.

I think it is wonderful of you to consider adoption, since it provides a family with a child they wouldn't otherwise be able to have. I also realize this is an huge decision and wish you all the best in making it.

Wish I could be something

Next time go to clinic and get some free condoms....

â™¥mybabyboyâ™¥

ldsfamilyservices.org

they will help you through everything.

sizesmith

I am leary about adoption agencies, because they strong arm so many women into adoptions. I've heard people who say they've been threatened with lawsuits and many other things if they change their minds.

In the case where a woman can't keep a child, it is so important to get to know them very good. Our son's first mom moved in with us, and that way he heard our voices before he was born. It also let her know how much we wanted him, and she said she felt relief by getting to know us so well.

We would love to adopt again! Agencies just cost so much in emotional and financial ways to all involved. Also, get counseling before and after, so you are aware of all options. My prayers are with you and your baby!

Miriamde11

Hello my name is Miriam De Jesus and My life partner and I A wanting and praying to have the chance to adopt another lil one. We have alredy adopted our lovely lilttle girl Londo Ramie im March of 2010 and wanting to giver her a lil bother or sister. We have alredy done a independent adoption so we could help with the process. please email us if you are intrested or have any questions miriamde11@yahoo.com

rkp

If you make a decision to not keep the baby, or go thru an agentcy. please contact me. My husband and i can not hace a child. We would love to raise and love a baby together.

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