I am thinking of adopting, are you glad you did or wish you'd waited with trying?

Bo Peep

I have both, bio children and adopted.

I know that I am in a tremendously privaleged position, because I can tell you that there is no difference in my love for my children. HOWEVER...I only know this because I have bio children! If I did not have them I think I would always wonder...

Personally I have heard of people adopting as a route to getting pregnant and I really don't agree with it. The child knows - and it is easy to replace an adopted child with a birth child in your affections....even if you don't do this you may be accused of doing it.

I always wanted to adopt - I knew that if I couldn't have children I would adopt, but thankfully I was able to conceive and give birth, but then there came a day when my husband and I decided we wanted another child - we discussed it with our children and as a family we decided to adopt.

I think mixing bio and adopted children can work brilliantly if the adopted sibling is the youngest in the family - she is not competing with anyone and everyone complains she gets special treatement because she's the youngest...she loves it! She also knows how much her siblings wanted her and they tell her crazy stories about things that they remember of her when she was a baby etc...so she is fully a part of the family and there was never a day in her life when mummy had a baby and brought it home.

Have your children if you can - they are a blessing from God....and if you find you cannot - take it from me...adoption is not the 'next best thing' it is equal in every way.

If you do have children of your own then still feel that you and your family could embrace and love another child then make it a family decision.

In my opinion you should never adopted because you are trying to 'save' kids who need a home...it rarely works and people end up feeling that the child owes them!

My daughter owes me nothing - as a family she has blessed us beyond our wildest dreams - without her a piece would be missing in our family.

Morgaine

If you are adopting in order to get pregnant, you need to understand the facts. You also need a reality check.

Have you tried talking to a fertility specialist?

Many many many many people adopt and never get pregnant afterwards, the cases of people getting pregnant after adopting are few and far between. And even those generally need a lot of medical intervention.

If you do not think you can love a child that is not your "own" please do not even consider adopting.

loved1

My only thought is, if you can not love your stepson or an adopted child as your own, please do not adopt. If you got pregnant and did not treat them and love them the same, the adopted child would know it and it could cause long term pain and suffering for that child.
I am all for adoption, but only for those that can love the child, no matter where the child came from, as their own.

Dayle

Be true to your feelings and know that you are not alone. Adoption is not for everyone, if you feel that you cannot love a child that you have not given birth to, please don't adopt.

tish

i'm somewhat concerned that you feel that your step son is not "the same as having [your] own", yet you want to adopt another biologically unrelated child.

i don't know, i really think you might want to focus on reconciling your fertility and not attempt to "save children" as a means to do so. also, the fact that you are concerned that you might "end up pregnant" after adoption, and might feel overloaded, is an indication that maybe adoption is something you need not pursue, right now.

also, there's no evidence that adoption increase fertility. hence, i would strongly advise you not adopt simply to "test your fertility" afterwards. that's a bit creepy.

if you feel "different" about non-biologically related children, or overwhelmed if you become pregnant, any child you adopt will feel that as well. and i don't think that's very fair.

be well

skyler

I agree 100% with bo peep I also havae an adopted child and a biological child and I love them both the same, some people say that is not possible but they have never been in the situation. I have the best of both worlds and would not change it for anything in the world. Oh and also I adopted because I always wanted to and then found out I could not have kids and as soon as my adoption was finalized with in the next 30 days I was pregnant. i guess God decided he wanted me to have have 2 children. Both in which I love the same. Hope this helped

JoHn S.

I don't believe there is anything wrong with feeling that you want 'your own'. However, I think there is something wrong with adopting, as long as you feel that way. If the time ever comes when you understand the impact of that statement, THEN consider adoption. Because you will most likely have to hug your child someday and explain it away when someone says in front of them, 'do you have any of your own?' And, how could you do that, if that's how you feel yourself?

Ted

When you say things like "I want my own" it makes my skin crawl. I have an adopted child and biological. Trust me they are all "my own."

Adoption should be about parenting and raising a child, not about your needs. No offense, but you seem very self centered and I'm not sure adoption is right for you right now.

sizesmith

Before you adopt, you need to get some counseling, both separately, and with your step-son. Imagine being in his shoes. Replacing him with another child (that's the way he might feel), is wrong, and you need to deal with the issues. Talk, or have your husband talk, with the ex and find out what he says about you when he's there. You might be surprised, either good or bad. A new child in the home could make him go over the edge, and it wouldn't be fair on the new child either, because he could be an endangerment to it.

Cartier

If you want your "own" child and don't already consider your step child as your "own", then don't adopt at all.

---
Your post explanation explains more... but, even when you have a child and they hit their teen years... really- they will do that to you- just becasue they're a teen.

If I were you, I'd keep trying to have a biological child and NOT adopt.

Independ"ant"

I think you would run the same risk of being rejected from an adopted child than you are with your stepson. I suggest therapy for your family before dragging another child into the problems you're having with your marriage.

MS A

I have one daughter. She is adopted. There is no way I would love her more if we shared DNA. I am 100% positive, no doubt.

You, however, have doubts. Are you just adopting because you can't have one the old-fashioned way? I think you'd better do some soul-searching first.

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