I don't get whats so bad with being adopted?

Steve K.

Here's what I think:

How many people do you know that don't get along with their parents? Quite a few. How many people do you know that do get along with their parents? Again, probably quite a few.

Now, if someone is adopted and doesn't get along with their parents, they blame adoption, believing that their parents couldn't love them because they weren't a biological child. If they are adopted and get along well with their parents, they think adoption is peaches and cream.

In reality, there are some people that should never have been allowed to adopt children that did, and those truly are horrible adoptions. But, adoption isn't really good or bad. When we don't get along with our family, we have to find something to blame for it, and if the person happens to be adopted (which happens to be VERY easy to blame), then they spew venom about it.

celtic.piskie

I want to know what age I first walked at.
I want to know my first word.
I want to know if my obsession with astronomy comes from my mom or my dad.
My daughter has odd eyebrows, like me. Are they like my mothers?
What about my eyes, my nose, me being short.

I want to know my family, both of them.

I Hate the fact that I don't know.

I hate the fact that I was taken from my mother within minites of being born, purely because she was single and young.

I hate the fact that she wasn't allowed to see me.

Someone decided that my a-parents would make better parents than my mother.

He was a preaher, she was a housewife. Very good wage, lots of extended family, good religious standing, very respected by the community.

Many people thought they'd make the perfect family.

My broken eye socket, jaw, teeth, finger say otherwise.

Someone decided that a young, single woman was not allowed to be with her daughter, and I was not allowed to be with my mother.

Who has the right to decide that?

Cool Hal

What is wrong with adoption

You are abandoned by the very people that should have loved you more than anyone else - to be trusted to live with two people who would probably not given you the time of day if they could have their own children. You then go through life having to explain that you were adopted to total strangers who want to know about your 'family' history or why you cant produce a birth certificate.

Yes you are lucky to be places with a great family as was I but not every one is. Additionally being poor is not a crime

I do love my Ap's as much as if they had given birth to me but they didnt and that is why I hate adoption

Mei-Ling

"but i dont ever regret them giving me up because they could be poor for all i know"

That's the catch. You *don't* know. It's not set in stone. You haven't found out. You can't "claim" anything about them. You're merely guessing and basing your opinion on an assumed perception that may not even be true. (Not saying you have to search... but that you shouldn't claim something *may* be true just because you don't know. Are your bparents poor? You don't know. They could be. But you still DON'T KNOW. Therefore you cannot possibly say whether or not you are better off just because you were adopted.)

For the 49506846th time, my declaration that I do not like [most forms of] adoption has nothing to do with my childhood and how well my parents treated me.

"I don't get it. Your parents treated you as if you were their own. What are you so angry about?"

And they damn well should be treating me as "their own" (and they DO) - because by LAW, I AM THEIR OWN.

But I digress.

I don't hate my life. I dislike that I only have this life because I *was* adopted.

I do not like that I had to lose my original parents, language and heritage to become adopted.

Heather B

It's the secrecy and stigma. I used to feel the way you do when I was younger - making up various scenarios in my head, fantasies are all we have when we grow up 'in the dark' not knowing where we come from.

All I wanted was the truth of my origins and yes, I hated not knowing. I hated the fantasies and the sealed records. Loving my family didn't mean I didn't want to know the truth about my birth.

It was horrible asking the authorities for the truth of my origins only to have the door slammed in my face telling me I had no right to know the facts of my own life (something non-adopted people take for granted) and it's horrendous to read people saying there must've been something wrong with my parents or my upbringngi because I wanted to know the truth of my origins - good bad or ugy; I just wanted to know.

Put it this way, when people look through old photo albums of their ancestors long-gone, they are not slammed with 'oh, how could you be so ungratelful to your current family' and 'you're living in the past, move forward' - only if we're adopted are we expected never to look back on where we came from. It's so stigmatizing to adopted people to treat them this way.

Yes my parents are the absolute best, but I hated being adopted. I can see this doesn't make sense to you right now; perhaps one day it will.

PhilM

Adoption means...

Never seeing yourself in another's face.
Never knowing where you came from.
Never being old enough to decide for yourself who you associate with.
Having a legal lie constructed for your identity.

Some of these are true only for closed adoptions. But the last is true for all adoptions. None of this has anything to do with good or bad experiences. None of this has anything to do with whether you have a positive or negative view of the world, yourself, or your life.

If you don't want to make a HUGE deal about it, that's fine.

Torrejon

Think of it another way...I grew up in X state. There are people who tell me I am lucky, and other who feel sorry for me about that. I went to X University...same thing...some people envy my education, others feel I didn't get a good education.

Why is it so hard to understand that adoption can offer both good and bad experiences? Adoption is an incredibly complex issue, multi-layered, many points of view. My own thoughts about adoption have changed dramatically over the years, as I have matured and gained a deeper understanding about life and its experiences.

tiggertiffany69

Personally I think it depends on the situation. I was adopted along with my two older brothers and we were treated HORRIBLY. We were called names, made fun of, Physically abused, told our parents were dead and we would be too if it wasnt for them adopting us...

I think growing up kids didn't understand adoption..I had 2 ppl make comments that hurt..one said My parents never wanted me which when your 8 years old and have your adoptive parents telling you that everyday it just cuts deep. Another made jokes about how my parents just shipped me off on a train..she thoguht it was funny when the reality was I spent almost everyday wondering about my real parents and crying at night. I was 3 when I was adopted, my bros were 4 and 5 *almost 5 and 6*.

I like the idea of open adoption. Ive heard many stories of children getting adopted into abusive homes and The CAS or adoption Agency is suppose to check in on kids to make sure they are not being abused..no one ever did. I wished for years that I knew my real parents and was determined to find them to prove that they were alive..that they did care.

I was a smart kid..I tracked my parents down 11 years after being adopted...I had just turned 14 when I found them...alive and healthy! I am still in contact with them..they are not together and have not been since the adoption but I'm glad I found them and have that piece of my life that was missing for 11 years,

mrs. derek jeter

wellll i might have actually been the girl that said the thing about being treated like she was really their child and hated being adopted. i can answer that for you because thats exactly how i feel.

i love my family so much i forget sometimes that i'm even adopted and honestly i think they forget too. its just weird how everything works out and how everything happens for a reason. i am glad that i was adopted because i would be poor with practically nothing in a completely different country right now. at the same time, i hate being adopted. its mostly because i dont know who i look like while looking in the mirror. i dont know if my personality traits are from my mom or from my dad or what. i constantly wonder where my biological family is and if they ever think about how i'm doing and where i am. and why havent they tried to get in touch? is it because they dont care, is it because they dont want to interfere with my life or is it because they arent able to get in touch with me? these are just a few things that go through my mind constantly every single day. that is the part that i hate about being adopted. also, its so hard to explain to people about being adopted because its never just "oh wow thats really cool", there are always a ton of questions to answer and things to explain. another thing is going to the doctor. they always say is it part of your family history? and i have no clue whatsoever. then you have to explain to them that your adopted.

i think this is also another reason why people dont like being adopted. its just as if your living a double life. and your whole life is kind of a "what if" situation. you know? like what if i didnt end up with this family and had another one instead? or what if i was never given up? just things like that i guess.

hope this kinda helps you get a better look at why people think this.

Possum

It's an incredibly complex issue - and feelings for adoptees often change many many times in their life-times - depending on what age and stage they are at in their lives.

Critical moments for me - the births of my own 3 children.

If you don't have a prob with it - fine.
For those that do - they hurt a lot.
And they should be allowed to voice that hurt - and be comforted - not ridiculed.

JMHO.

All the best.

Randy B

I don't understand whats so bad with it either but it all depends upon your own individual experiences and thoughts on the situation. Personally, I know who my real parents are, they are the ones who raised me, loved me and supported me all my life. I don't know what my bio parents situation was and I've never cared to find out. Thats how my situation differers from yours as others are different from ours as well.

MeggiesMama

For some people the fact that they're biological parents could give them up makes them feel like they weren't loved from the very beginning. Don't get me wrong, I know several people who were adopted and love their lives and the family who actually raised them.

My best guy friend was adopted and since his mother actually knew his birth mother he was able to locate her easily after he turned eighteen. He found out that his mother was a drug addict and had three kids after him that were miserable. He ended up taking custody of the three kids and is raising them himself.

But for some people they'll never truly get over not being "wanted" by their birth parents.

The hardest part is if they're birth parents really did love them, but knew they couldn't take care of a baby and did the best thing they could think of (adoption).

Ana S

I completely agree.

IceBreaker27

I've never heard that there is anything "bad" about being adopted. Then again, I grew up in an area where no one batted an eye at a Chinese girl with white parents.

I've also never heard that biological parents are "mean." Personally, I suspect they are some of the wisest, selfless people around.

kayleigh

I don't think there is anything wrong with adoption either, I'm sure a young child would be better off living with a loving family than a struggling 14 year old who has been disowned by her parents.
Adoption is basically people who are giving children a better chance in life. There is nothing wrong with that, whether someone wants to visit their biological parents or not is their choice many may want to visit their biological parents because they want to find out about their genetic past whilst others may not want to visit their biological parents because they don't need to as their biological parents in their opinion have no right as they have never played a part in their life.

I think it is better for a child to always know from when they're little that they're adopted as to grow up your whole life loving your parents but for them to hold a secret from that from you and reveal it when your 18 is a horrible thing to do.

Also in many ways your Biological parents aren't being mean to put you up for adoption as they're providing you with a more loving and stable family,

jewbrod

nothing is wrong with being adopted, you just took it the wrong way, some people are not as fortunate as you are some of them are being placed with some people who treate them real bad, they get abused in all kinds of ways, so they are the ones that talked about being adopted, good for you.

crazychickizback

I don't get it either. It's refreshing to hear someone actually be thankful for their luck instead of whining about not growing up with their biological parents. Congratulations, you have made my day!
Edit-They might have been brainwashed by the birth mothers on here into thinking that they were stolen or something...

mustanglovrsue

yeah, i felt gratefull to be adopted, so when mom died i moved back in to help my dad. well, it wasnt until then i became the 'adopted kid'. my sister is their biological child, i was adopted, my brother was adopted and he took it out on everybody.so at moms funeral, nobody would say to me ' oh im so sorry,' nobody asked me if i was ok, i then became the adopted kid so what do i care? that hurt so unbelivibly bad, my folks never made me feel 'adopted', nobody did. till mom died. everybody acted like 'why am i sad, she wasnt my mom'. but she was...not by blood, but my mom nonetheless.so now im careing for my 86 dad and im basicly the slave. not invited to christmas or anything else.. all my life my folks never made me feel bad for being adopted. when mom died it all changed and im crushed... i dont get it....

mustanglovrsue

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