I don't want to abort but i don't want to keep it adoption?

Just a Mom

Just check your email. I am sure you have a dozen emails of parents wanting you to choose them. They will be like vultures to you now.

Lilac (6 weeks to go!)

Keep it!

Felicita1

During the course of your pregnancy, as it takes its natural course, you will likely bond with your baby and fall hopelessly in love with him/her.

I suggest you let Nature take it's course as far as growth and emotions, and then after the birth you can choose whether or not to keep your baby.

In fact, that is the soonest you can make an informed decision as then your baby will be "real" to you and you will experience motherhood first-hand. Until you do, you will have no real knowledge of what you will be losing and the loss/trauma can be significant and forever painful.

Very very few mothers ever "get over it" despite the lies that the adoption agencies and lawyers state to cover this up (they make upwards of $25,000 per baby, so they have no reason to tell you the truth).

YOU are more deserving of your baby than anyone else. And a baby in her mother's arms who is loved and wanted has no reason to be given away. And until your baby is in your arms, you may not truly know the experience of the strongest love (mother and child bond) you will ever feel in your life.

What you feel right now is normal: scared and uncertain and feeling you don't want your baby. 50% of all babies born, whether parents are married or not, are unplanned. An unwanted pregnancy does not mean an unloved or unwanted baby. The two are very different.

There are moms who can help you find resources so you can make the choice (to surrender or keep) un-pressured after giving birth.

Possum

A child is not a gift to give away - a child WANTS to stay with the mother he/she was born to - as humans we are all hard wired like that.
Many many adoptees have major abandonment and rejection issues for the rest of their lives.
Adoption is far far more complicated than - 'Oh I'll just have this baby - give it away - and get on with the rest of my life'.
There is a child involved - that will grow - and will have a very confusing & often traumatic life.
Make sure you read this -
http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf
(the link is temp down - but make sure you check it later)

carly s

You would be better off speaking to a qualified counsellor regarding these matters than on here (you may get abuse).

The BPAS, Marie Stopes International, Brook advisory Centre are all very helpful organisations that could help you through your decision.

Ladybird

Very thoughtful of you, there are many parents out there that would love to have your baby and yes, you can choose them. My cousin gave her baby up for adoption, and she went through stacks and stacks of bio's of families looking for a baby, and she chose the family herself. Either way, it's your decision and people should be respectful of whatever choice you make- it sounds like you've made up your mind though. Good luck! :)

Serenity71

Think hard about it, but at the end of the day its your own choice in whether you keep your child or not. Listen to women who have walked your path. They know more than anyone else in what you will go through afterwards.

Just make sure you don't sign relinquishment papers until you certain an be aware that you could change your mind once your child is born. Be aware of agencies that will pressure you if you approach them. An be extra careful of private adoptions, do you homework and be totally aware of your rights. Others may fail to tell you everything if they have an agenda.

Good luck.

SunshineApple

Hi,

No you can not chose the parents the baby goes too - when you put your baby up for adoption you are giving away all your parental responsibility.

If you dont want your baby and want to give it up then you can not then chose who baby goes to.

Also think long and hard about it. Adoption is a wonderful thing giving many people chances to be fantastic parents to babies but remember that once you have had baby and have already said you want it to be adopted, it will be too late to turn back the clock.

You need to be 100% sure you want to do this.

Lx

karcnr

You are such a strong young woman thinking of your child first, how unselfish. There are lots of agencies out there and yes, you can choose the parents. You can choose what state they live in, how many children they have, what hobbies they have. There is also counseling for you all free, you won't have to pay anything. If you'd like more information about adoption and a good agency in your area, let me know. I have personally worked with LDS Family Services and find them to be great. They are not in it to make money either.
Best of luck to you.

LadyMoon

You can't in the UK, private adoption is illegal.

You will need to surrender your chld to Social Services and THEY "choose" the parents.

Its sad that these "deserving" people can't have children but that does not entitle them to anyone else's. You are not a brood mare and shouldn't consider giving your child up for adoption unless its something you want to do for yourself and you understand the consequences and possible regrets you might have.

BTW, Babies are not "it"'s and adoption is a service to find a family for a child who has none, it has nothing to do with supplying babies to "deserving" but infertile couples.

Sum Gurl

there are several types of adoptions
open and closed contact and no contact you can receive pictures and updates or nothing at all its all your call check the phonebook for adoption agencies you can even do a private adoption with a couple its all up to you to get informed and educated

elmleaquack

not sure as which country you have makes a difference - in the UK speak to your doctor and social services about this course of action

â˜†Yummyâ˜†Mummyâ˜†

You dont want to keep 'it'................ 'it' is a baby not an object!!

Kat

you are totally right. if you have a kid you don't want give it to a person who wants it but can't have one!

want2adopt

Hooray!! Someone who is thinking of others before herself. The best interest of the baby is most important. I am taking a course on adoption (as I am infertile). You have the right to choose the birth parents, you have the right for them to pay the legal fees and medical costs for this child. What I like to tell birth mothers is to try and find adoptive parents who are ok with an "open adoption". This will allow you to see pics of your child, report cards, maybe even some phone calls or visitation. (Grandparents might also want this). I am a very open minded person and I believe this is in the best interest of the child and ask any social worker and they will agree! I am sure you have had many answers from people wanting to adopt your baby. If you want to chat more....pleeeease feel free to email me. :)

Handsome

If you're in Britain you can ring up your local social services and speak to them in complete confidence about starting the adoption process. There are also various charities called Children's Societies also in the phonebook who also arrange adoptions.

You can certainly have a say in who brings up your baby and how. In open adoptions you can meet the parents beforehand and get regular reports on your baby's progress.

It depends on your local Social Services way of doing things whether you can actually choose the family, a lot do, but all will take account of your values and religion and the way you want your child brought up before any family is chosen

Give them a ring and find out more.

Rachel

I know first hand...I just turned 19 but when I was 18 and still in h.s. I got pregnant and my daughter was adopted. You first have to find an adoption agency you would like to go through. I live in Texas so I went through Edna Gladney, which is in Texas. Probably depending on the agency you can choose the adoptive parents. With me using Edna Gladney I was able to choose the parents on what I wanted, like race, if they had any previous children, stuff like that. It just depends on what the "rules" are with the agency you choose. If you have any more questions you would like to ask, feel free to email me @ rlind89@yahoo.com. I hope I've helped.

I Dont Have a Name 0_o

I'd rather you keep him/her, but if you want to put it up for adoption I THINK you can specify the type of family you want it to go to.

AdoreHim

I just want to say how wonderful to hear that you are considering adoption. It is the most selfless thing a mother can do, if they know for sure that they cannot raise the baby themselves. What I would suggest is going to an attorney that specializes in adoption- and you can select the parents for your baby- and even have continued contact if you so choose. Good luck , and may God bless you for loving your baby enough to give him/her life.

mony sue

There are so many good people out in the world that would love and cherish your baby. You definitely have the right to choose your babies parents. Private adoption is great and gives you the control to make it what you want it to be not the other way around. Choose carefully who ever you choose for your baby after all you are trusting them to love your child for the next 50 plus years. Parenting has alot of joys but also alot of challenging times and only you know if it is right for you. A mothers first instinct is never wrong go with your gut.....I think it is wonderful that you are willing to do such an unselfish act for your baby.

dawn.treaders

Never, ever ever consider abortion. It is the cruelest most inhumane thing a mother could do! If it were me, I would have the baby and see how I felt when I held the baby in my arms. So many mothers want to give up their children to strangers, but when they see their own baby, they just can't do it. I truly hope you are one of those mothers

tyson

talk to GP

Lady Bea

Follow Juno's example.

She couldn't abort the child, so she looked for a couple who could provide for her baby. She spent time with them and got to know and trust them.

Dubya

Do neither, abortion is murder and could you live with yourself giving baby up for life? Ok, if you still feel the same when you have baby, why not foster baby out, You will get the chance to take baby back if you want and give you time to discover what you really want and baby is looked after, but never ever abortion. Abortion is murder, can you really live with that.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

i would MUCH rather be aborted than deserted by my mother.

Buddha

No you can't choose the parents. I would think very carefully before you reach this conclusion. Children always yearn for their natural parents; it is just natural.

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