I dont know what to do right know?

PhilM

First, it's your decision. Do not let anyone else pressure you into a decision. You are the one that has to live with whatever you decide for the rest of your life.

Your child wants to be with you. If you have help from your parents, from the father, from social programs, you can do this if you want to. That's what you need to decide. Do you want to do this?

If so, and if you are willing to do what's necessary for the child, then I think you have your answer.

But only you can decide.

tish

it's YOUR decision. nobody can make it for you.

you're having second thoughts because you are BONDING with your baby... that's normal honey. and that's why so many people have to tell you all the bad things about being a young mommy; because the NATURAL thing to do is to keep your baby. now grant it, some people will give you stories about how "some women dont' bond with their babies or move on with their lives after placing" to convince you that what you are feeling is hormonal or not real... but...they are not the norm....and you are not one of them. and if you are having second thoughts, i tell you, it will be HELL once you go through a labor, delivery and see that little face...nobody can understand that feeling if they haven't been pregnant and delivered a baby.

there are lots of agencies and assistance for teen moms. contrary to what many believe, you can finish school and go on with your life. many of US have done it.

ps. i'm currently pregnant and i feel very attached to my baby also. see, i don't even know you, but we have the same feelings ....why? because we're supposed to.

zlosnica_13

Hey Coty,
I am an 18 year old mother of a fourteen month old. I got pregnant at 16 (always told myself that wont happen, but it did). I know that it is hard to imagine what life is going to be like with your baby, and you will go thru some very hard times, but the best thing about this whole thing is, that your baby will love you no matter what. You should not listen to what people are telling you, instead you should do what is best for you, and what is best for you baby. My babys father is helping me out, we are actually married but thing about a divorce. It is hard for me and I know it is going to be hard for you, but that baby is yours and you know you can take good care of him/her, if you give her up, there is a chance you might never see her again, or face questions in the future that you wont have a great answer to. Don't listen to others, listen to yourself and you baby. If you would like to talk contact me through my email zlosnica_13@yahoo.com. You are going to do just fine, and do whats best for you. Best of luck.

â˜»â˜†áƒ¦!Ts M3áƒ¦â˜†â˜»

WELL THE DECISION IS YOUR NOT EVERYONE ELSES. IF YOU WANT TO KEEP HER THEN YOU KEEP HER IF U FEEL YOU WILL BE A GOOD MOTHER FOR HER. MAKE THAT DECISION FOR YOURSELF AND NOT BASED ON EVERYIONE ELSE, AFTERALL YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS GOING TO HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE DECISION YOU MAKE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
GOOD LUCK AND BEST WISHES TO YOU AND YOUR BABY GIRL!!

I have been thinking about your question for awhile now and here is what I think...

Start by making a list of the things you and the baby will need; food, clothing, diapers, medical care, job, etc.

Then make another list of how you would go about getting these things i.e., food - breastfeeding for the first 6 mos to year, clothing - donations from friends and family, medical care - sign up for medicaid, etc.

I bet once you make a plan you will realize that between you and the babies father (and family) that you can raise this child despite your age.

Remember only you and the father can make this decision. If you are feeling pressured by your family, be blunt tell them to stop that it's your decision not theirs.

Good luck

Exotic_Lady

It is a hard decision at your age. But if you really want the baby, then the only real person you can count on is you, Even if the daddy says he'll be there, just remember anything can happen so just do what your heart tells you to do. Good luck and I wish you and the baby well.

Mom of two

First, this is your choice and yours alone! The bad news is that no matter what you decide, you have a tough road ahead of you. Talk to people you trust, but ultimately make sure the decision stays yours.

skatergurljubulee

Trust me, you won't regret keeping your child! Yes, it'll be tough at first, but all the work is worth the effort. If you feel as if this would be a decision that you could regret making (if you were to decide to give the baby up for adoption), then don't. Keep in mind that you will be the one raising the baby, not the other people. So, it has to be your decision. Most of the time, the family will come around once they see the baby. Geez... I sound like I'm trying to convince you to keep the baby. It's not that, it's just that I didn't want my baby when I became pregnant. Now, he's three and he's the light of me and my husband's life. I can't picture life without him, and I wouldn't ever want to.
If this goes against what you want to know, PLEASE ignore my answer.
Skatergurljubulee

M.M.

Hey their. Ahhh your story is ever so familiar to me. It sounds exactly like mine! I too had a child at 16. I am now 27 and she is 10.
I too went through the same emotions, I also tried the whole private adoption thing. The idea made me sick! So I kept her, and to be honest I woulden't change a thing. BUT! Big But! Their are things you need to ask yourself, because this is for the rest of your life. You cant just hand her off to the nearest reletive and go party! Noooo No. This is another human being, your child we are talking about here and you have to raise her to the best of your ability! Your freedom as you know it...is gone! You are going to dedicate the rest of your lifw to a child. I mean your whole life from the minute that baby is born, is going to change alot! Baby daddy may not stay in the picture, they usally linger for a while and then they walk out...Im not saying that will happen to you but 90% of the time it does. Can you handle that? Can you handle missing parties and hanging with your friends? Do u have the support of family. Their are alot of questions you need to ask yourself! And be honest with yourself. This is your life! Make the decision your self! Do not let anyone make it for you. If in fact you do decide to keep the baby..I just have to say one thing...Hold on tight and get ready for a bumpy yet very beautiful road....called parenthood : ) Good luck and keep smileing

Oh and P.S. Do not drop out of school, I cannot stress that enough GO TO SCHOOL BABY OR NOT! you will thank yourself later I promise! Whatever you decide, you will be ok! I promise you that too! It will all be ok : )

Petra

ok aside from the obivious that is is your child and your decision not to let anyone make it for you.
I am 29, 30 in June. I have a 12 year old daughter. I was 16 when I got pregnant with her. It was the hardest thing I ever did. I worked, I went to school, I rocked and fed my daughter what I didn't do was sleep or go out with friends. I love my daughter and would never change the decision I made 12 years ago but there have been moments that I feel I missed out on by being a mom at such a young age. I missed out on college parties, my first apartment and even my first car had a carseat in it even still I do not regret my decision. This choice is a forever choice, It is hard to wrap your brain around forever at 16 but you need to. If you choose to parent you will be second for the rest of your life. You will get clothes second, shoes, sleep, food. You will give to her first and be happy to do so but if you don't think you can be second. If you don't think that you can make this other person first then you need to follow through with your adoption plan. Also just a little note that no one told me, if your planning on keeping this baby to fill a void, to love you unconditionaly than know that that is a long way off. Children are selfish creatures by nature and care none if you have been living on 2 hours sleep for 3 days. But then again who cares when your falling asleep and she is wrapping her chubby 3 year old fingers in your hair and kissing you on the nose..

Stacia

Hi Coty, If you are having second thoughts I would not give the baby up for adoption. I know several young moms and they are incredible with the children. They run and play and act crazy with them, and take very good care of them. Most of all they love them. If money is what you might would be worried about...don't. You can use wic, medicaid, and foodstamps if absolutely needed until you are able to fully provide. I have a friend of mine who was being told to have an abortion and when that was too late, they told her to give the baby away, and she went, filled out the paperwork...and the people looked at her and said, "if there is just 1% of you that wants to keep this baby...you need to keep it. It is a permanent choice, one you will have to live with for the rest of your life". She chose to keep the baby, and she doesn't have any regrets...she goes to college now, works, and is taking care of the baby. There are also programs that will pay for your childcare until you are able to yourself.

I hope that some of this helps

Gaia Raain

There is a lot of support out there for you to keep your baby. I guarantee that if you decide to give your baby up, knowing that you are already feeling attached to your baby even before birth, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Please, please keep your baby! You can do this! And trust me, your baby wants you, not substitute parents. Good luck!!!

sam22254

I'm not going to tell you what to do and no ones should. This is for you to decide with the father of your daughter. There is plenty of help out there. It's going to be hard at your young age but I'll bet your do fine. Adoption is final and if you sign over your child and then change your mind one minute after the time limit you have lost your child forever. There is a case going on right now where the adoption agency went against the birth mother's wishes she decided to keep her child and the 48 hours where up by one day and she is fighting to get her child back. So really know what you want to do. The father has to sign to if he changes his mind and decide to keep the child and you don't the courts will order him to get to raise the child unless you go behind his back and then you will have to live with that decision to. Good luck to you in what ever you chose.

GEE-GEE

If you are having second thoughts then don't do it. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. I don't want you to have regrets later on. I am all for adoption. I adopted my son 3 years ago and am no on a waiting list to adopt again. I think adoption is only ok if the birthmother agrees with it. If you are having second thoughts then maybe you need to decide later. Why don't you have the baby and try it out for a while. You can always but the baby up for adoption later on. Just try to make your decision sooner than later. The bonding a baby does with the care giver is very important. Don't feel pressured to give your baby to anyone. Only do it if you feel it is the right thing for you and the baby.

Good Luck!

red&sassy

Dear mom,

I haven't met a single mom yet, no matter what age, that didn't start feeling scared to at this point. YOU'RE A NORMAL MOMMY!!! If you weren't having these feelings, I would be concerned. That would mean to me that you haven't thought about your responsibilities and how life is going to change. What you don't know and won't know until you give birth is the overwhelming love and joy you will feel when you have your baby. Your baby will inspire you to do and become the person you've always wanted to be, but didn't know if you could so it. Something happens when we have children. We understand our parents better and we develope patience and understanding. There was a girl in one of my college classes that became pregnant in her senior year. She gave birth to a beautiful little girl. She is doing fantastic in college. She is more motivated to excel than she was pre-baby. I am WAAAAy older and it wasn't until I had my second child that my life turned for the better. It's been bumpy, but it's better. I relinquished my first baby, a daughter, to adoption and basically had a breakdown and was the "walking dead". Since having my son, it's like I feel alive again. I feel compelled to work harder and do better. When I was younger, I didn't do well in school. I had no drive. Now I am on the honor roll.

Just an FYI... at the Junior College in my city, if you go to the person in charge of student loans / admissions, I can't remember which.... anyways, if you've just come out of HS and want to go to school and have never taken out a loan before, the school will pay for your tuition and books. They don't advertise it, but the man in charge was telling me that he feels, and the school backs him on this, that everyone deserves the chance to go to school.

My worst day with my son is better than my best day before I had him.

You'll be fine. Best wishes.

akbutner2

If you choose to keep the baby..which is fine if you have a plan to care for her, than I wouldn't plan on depending on the 17 year old boy. I am sure he has good intentions but you are both still kids. I would talk with your parents or a counselor and see what help might be out there if you want to keep the baby. Remember that you have rights until you sign the papers. Only you can decide if adoption is the right choice for you but you need to be firm in your decision once it is made. Good luck and god bless.

marrydwth4kids

Hi Coty, I feel for you. I have been pregnant 5 times. The first one was a miscariage. the other 4 were to full term. I always wonder what if i had carried the baby full term, was it a Boy or a girl. I miss the fact that i didn't get to know this precious baby as it was taken from my. I always felt that something was missing. If you want to keep your Baby than you keep your precious little gift. Don't let anyone talk you into adoption if you don't want to. It sounds like you have a good support system going with the baby's Dad. I was 17 when i had my first baby and the Dad and i are still together. We now have 4 children and i would not of traded it for the world. My Dad tried to get me to give my Baby up and i said no. In Canada at the age of 16 you have legal rights to move out and have a baby, etc and your parents can't do anything about it. Not sure about the States' laws. If your parents are ok with you having the baby and that is what you want to do than keep her. Love her, and Cherish her. there is no better gift in this world than that of having a Baby. I hope this helps you and i wish you all the best.

Stina Lady

The choice is ultimately yours but you need to think about what is best for the baby. Do you really want her to go without things because you are so young? There is a couple out there that wants her, can give her a better life than you can right now. You need to finish school and go to college and build a life for yourself. They are ready for her.

I'm not trying to sway you - but it will be really hard for you to have a baby at the age you are right now. If you have the support of your family and you feel strong enough to do the things you need to do to provide for the baby then do what is in your heart. But don't be selfish about your decision.

Lizzy B

you are going to have to do what you feel is right, Its a really hard decision to make. Just do what you think would be best for you and the baby. I hope everything works out for you!!! Take care!!

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

keep your baby. you will regret it forever if you give her away.

this is YOUR baby. no one else's.

jm1970

This is your baby and no one can make this decision for you. Don't let anyone make it for you.

Second thoughts are of course normal, but this could very well be more than second thoughts.

I suggest you get in touch with a counselor (OUTSIDE of your adoption agency) who can help you sort through your feelings and your options.

Is there any adult you trust that could help you look for resources in your areas?

Why don't you post another question asking for resources in your area?

Hopefully someone will post some answers that will provide you with more options.

I will tell you that I think adoption is a brave choice if YOU think it is the best thing for you and the baby...but it must be YOUR choice.

I personally know at least 12 mothers at 16 who raised their babies and did a great job. Adoption is a valid option, but not your only option.

Marsha S

I would not plan on counting on the support of a 17-year-old boy. He has no job or income. Maybe a few years down the road you can file for child support, but you need to have an immediate plan. Are your parents willing to support your decision to parent? Have you had counselling? Have you investigated government assistance?

You do not have to decide before the baby is born, although I am sure the potential adoptive parents are very anxious. That is not really your problem -- this is too important of a decision to be worrying about how other people feel. You can make that decision after he/she is born but you need to have a plan for taking care of the baby (childcare, expenses) if you are considering parenting.

BPD Wife

My heart bleeds for you in making this decision. It sounds like you and the bio father need to speak to a professional counselor (non-adoption related) to help you sort through this. Perhaps your school guidance counselor or your medical doctor could suggest someone. This is a HUGE decision that you and the bio-father need to make together for the sake of your unborn child. You both need to be completely comfortable with the decision that you make.

Good luck to you.

Jennifer L

This is only your decision. Nobody can (or should) be telling you which decision is the right one to make. Nobody can tell you which decsion is the right one for you. Nobody should be pressured or coerced into making what is a huge, life-altering decision, even if they think they're saying what's best for you and your baby.

And I'm referring to people who tell you that the best thing for you is to parent, as well as people who tell you that the best thing for you is adoption.

I will say that you still have time to make the decision. Granted, not infinite time, but there is still time. Look at both options honestly. Look at your support systems and resources very carefully. But the bottom line is something you can only answer for yourself: Are you ready to be a parent.

Good luck to you.

Adopted Jane

KEEP HER

PLEASE

Especially as the dad is going to be there for her.

DON'T Listen to everyone else LISTEN TO YOUR HEART
This is the best thing you can do for her and for you - to Kepp her
Trust me I know what i am talking about I am a 41 yr old Adoptee and have struggled every day of my life despite being adopted by awesome adoptive parents

Its a hole that can never be filled if you choose adoption...

Please tell them all to Bugger off, and stand strong. You CAN Do this and you WONT regret it

xx

Marie C

Dear Coty,

Don't let anyone talk you into giving up your baby if you don't wish to do so! You will regret it for the rest of your life. This is YOUR decision to make, no one else's. You are the baby's mother.

Will your family support you if you decide to keep the baby? I surely hope they will. But if they won't, there are organizations who help young, single parents who wish to keep their babies. There is an organization called CareNet which offers assistance to young women who are pregnant. Check the following website: www.care-net.org.

It's great that the baby's father is also willing to help out. It's his child, too.

If you truly think that you have no other choice than to give up your baby, that is fine......if it's YOUR choice. But from your question, it sounds like it's not YOUR choice, and that others are trying to make this decision for you. Don't let them do that. This is your life, and your baby's.

Ms. AK

If there was ever a time to be selfish, NOW is that time. I completely agree that if there is even 1% of you that wants to keep this baby, that's what you should do. I speak from experience.

I recently placed my son because of my family pushing and pressuring me. Every day I wish I would have just stood up and told them to back off, this is MY decision and I'm KEEPING this baby. Unfortunately I didn't have the strength at that time to do that but you can learn from my mistake.

If you want to keep your daughter, to hold her, feel her softly breathing as she sleeps on your chest, to watch her grow in to a wonderful beautiful little girl. Keep her.

The daddy may or may not be there, only you know him and his intentions. Give him the benefit of the doubt. If he wants to be a part of this baby's life, let him.

If YOU want to be a part of this baby's life. Do it. And don't let ANYONE stand in your way.

Jordan's Mommy :)

I understand what you're going through....it's very tough decision. The choice is YOURS and not everyne else's though. But what you need to think about is the baby's future. Be honest with yourself....this boy is 17 & you aren't together. He may be there for you the first week or two, but he's not going to be dependable for money or support for long. You are only 16.......babies cost hundreds of dollars a week to take care of. Plus you are still in school. You need to get your diploma and graduate, you can't drop out.... Do you have benefits? Who will take care of the baby when he/she is sick? Who will pay for the dr bills, medicine, etc. You need to really think can you financially and emotionally support this baby. My guess is no. I know you want to believe you can do it all, but it is very very hard. Now....with the way you feel, I'd reccomend open adoption. Your baby is adopted and someone else takes care of the baby all the time, but you are allowed to visit whenever you want and they tell the child YOu are their mother. In an open adoption it's like you're the mom, but the baby has a second family too that helps to take care of her. Also, if you give the baby up in a closed adoption, you have 6 months to change your mind and take the baby back....which isn't right to do, but it'sjust an option so you know what your rights are. I strongly reccomend the open adoption. Your baby will be taken care of by someone who is able to care for a child, you can finish school and work and save money, and still see your baby and maybe one day take care of the baby on your own. I'm sure in a few years you'd be more stable to have the child live with you. Good luck hun...

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