I dont no what to do?

no name

be patient they all do that she will outgrow it then it will be her little sisters turn

Jujule

your 3 year old just want your attention. Putting her for adoption will confirm her belief that you only have eyes for the little sister only. Try talking to her that little sister needs more attention, as she still cannot do things on her own. Get her to help and most important thing, praise her when she is doing something correct. Praise and hugs do wonders for little beings.

louise c

The fact that you call your three year old child a little bugger, may suggest that your partly to blame. children are like sponges and soak up their surroundings be it possitive or negative. to me, you sound incredibly negative and im sure it is more than apparant to the child

***Autism's Beautiful Face *

I'm sorry if every parent considered putting their child up for adoption because they are naughty at age 3 there would be so many children in care, she needs to be taught right from wrong maybe your not been tough enough with her and she could also be a little jealous of her sister, get a reward chart and reward the good behaviour like playing with her sister using the loo or helping mum pick up the toys, get some stickers and a chart you get them in most toddler magazines or they are easy enough to make, use the naughty step and put your daughter there for three minutes explain why she is there ...don't give up
good luck

omie88@sbcglobal.net

Remember, YOU ARE THE BOSS. You need to find the right way to discipline your child. You wanting to put her up for adoption suggests that you need to be more patient. No one knows your child better than you. Find a way to resolve the situation.

fire_inur_eyes

Hmmmm--my guess is the diet is bad--the food is sometimes a problem--additives and sweets are poison--change the diet--reduce the sweets and junk food--in a month I bet this is all gone.

pooh bear

Try & be patient (I know this can be hard). Also try talking to your Health Visitor, she may be able to give you some ideas on what to do. It sounds like she could be jealous of her sister, this is normal as she has had all the attention from you & then a little baby arrives and all the attention goes to them.

,blondie

she is your child i know that things can get bad as my daughter is now 14 and we have had very much the same as what you have had. Please do not give up on her as you will regret it. There are people out there that can help you . Firstly i would go to the doctors and then see what he/she decides. things will get better, even though you can't see that.

Veronica Alicia

My Mother told me of an occasion when I was about your daughter's age and started drawing on walls.
We lived in rented accommodation in Bristol when driven out of our home by bombing on the City.
We were sitting down to a meal and Mum turned to Dad and said:
"I saw our landlord when I was out shopping today. He asked me about the drawing on the walls. He was quite cross and said whoever did it would have to go and live in the greenhouse if it didn't stop". I gather it stopped!
Try to hold back the despair and the anger and try to think of a psychological approach, similar to the above
Off-load her onto an unsuspecting Granny when she really has you climbing up the wall.
Try the gold stars for good behaviour tactic - linked to her pocket money; Lost stars meant less money when we went shopping for her sweets on a Friday (the only day she was allowed them)
The adoption feeling isn't new to you - I was warned by midwife friend who visited me shortly after I'd given birth "There will be many times when you will wish you'd flushed her down the loo; it will pass"

northern lass

You really need to be on the ball with this one. Give her lots of cuddles and praise when she is good and really let her know when she is naughty, but tell her its her behaviour you are cross with and not her. Watch her like a hawk and don't let her get away with anything. You could also try to make her see that there are consequences by taking away something she really enjoys i.e. a tv programme or sweets. All children need love and discipline.

wish_me_dead_666

firstly it is sibling jealously which is normal, you need to spend more 1 on 1 time with her seeing as she is trying so hard to get your attention. don't even consider adoption yet, i have an 11yr old son and when he was 6 he pushed his little sister down the stairs, split her head open and after all was said and done i did put my youngest up for adoption. I have regrets everyday because my only daughter is living with someone else.
it would be a big mistake if you did it.
Just engage in simple activities with your little one and include her in things that also involve the baby. She will get over it.

lilmissdisorganised

What sort of discipline do you use with her? Children need clear rules and boundaries or they will just do whatever they want.

If she deliberately does something that she knows is wrong then immediately removing her from that situation is an option. For example, if she bangs her sisters head, immediately pick her up and take her to an isolated safe place (for example - on a chair or in a corner) tell her why you have moved her and make it clear that everytime she does it you will put her in that place. Then leave her for 3 minutes. Do not talk to her or give her any attention for those 3 minutes.(getting your attention is her aim when she misbehaves) If she gets up. Put her back down and start timing again. Let her scream or shout. But ignore it. At the end of the 3 minutes, or when she has finished screaming - whichever is longest, allow her to go get up and continue playing. This method is called 'time out' and is used by many parents and childcare experts very successfully. 1 minute for each year of their age is considered appropriate.

Don't forget to praise her whenever she does something thoughtful or is playing considerately. (children like to know the are pleasing their parents) Whenever she has a tantrum, ignore it completely and never give in to her demands if she throws one.

Remember, no means no. You must be consistent. If you threaten her with a punishment, you must carry out that punishment or she will know that there are no consequences to her actions. Therefore choose your words carefully before you speak. Make sure when you see an incident arising you think of some appropriate consequence. For example - 'You must draw on the paper. If you draw on the walls, i will take away the crayons.' And if she then draws on the walls, you must take away the crayons. Do not get them out again for at least several hours. However, don't keep punishing her for the same incident. Once it is dealt with, forget it. It is said to take 10 positive comments to counteract 1 negative comment.

Make sure that you do give her some positive attention when she is not misbehaving. It is difficult but even 5 minutes of undivided attention can make such a difference. Pull out her favourite book and read it in a silly voice, or start a jigsaw puzzle and invite her to help.

If she refuses to do something that you have asked her to do, let her feel like she is making the decision. If she refuses to put on a tshirt for example, say something like 'you must put on a tshirt before we can go downstairs and play. Do you want to go downstairs and play or do you want to go back to bed? And if she wants to go downstairs, then its 'do you want to wear this pink sparkly top or do you want to wear this purple one? Which one?

Routine is very important. Make your day structured. If a child spends all day in the same room playing with the same old toys she will get fed up. Try and set up some different activities. Have a box of craft stuff with glue and felt shapes that you pull out on certain days. Get some books for ideas.

Try and get out of the house for a bit too on certain days. Just put on your coats and walk. Talk about all the things you see on the way. Make it a treasure hunt eg: look for things that are yellow. Treat her to a walk to the shop for a small reward if she has been really helpful.

Make a set meal time when you can both help prepare together. (Try letting her make a sandwich at a low table) or if thats not possible, give her an activity eg: threading toys, to do nearby while you prepare dinner.

If she has a favourite TV programme or video, put it on in the afternoon for some quiet time or schedule an afternoon nap into your routine if you think she'd benefit. Sometimes children play up because they are tired.

She is most likely to be jealous of her little sister. Try not to rush to the baby everytime she cries. Ask for your 3 year olds help in caring for her. Ask her to amuse her with a toy while you are doing something else. (obviously keep an eye on them)

You could try going to a parent and toddler group. You may find that she's not as bad as you think she is when you compare her with a group of other 3 year olds.

I was a little bugger when I was a kid and i'm surprised my mom didn't put me up for adoption. I certainly think that doing so with your child is far too drastic. Her behaviour can be turned around with a bit of effort. I promise you that you will barely remember this phase when she gets older. She will give you much more to concern you as she grows up! Good luck. Let us know how you get on.

jackie m

that's kids for you. She wont always be like that, my cousin was like that and he was allowed to do it as he was expressing himself - he is now a scientist.

Don't give up on her she is 3 years old and looking for your love. Stop being angry and start being loving and she might do the same. My daughter has drawn all over the walls and is always beating her brother up but at the end of the day walls can be repainted and siblings grow out of fighting but if you give your daughter away you will never get her back. Can you really live with that. BEST PIECE OF ADVICE IGNORE THE BAD BEHAVIOUR AND PRAISE THE GOOD SHE WILL SOON LEARN YOU ONLY GET ATTENTION WHEN YOU ARE GOOD.

Annie M

Blimey she sounds like a little monster for you to want to consider adoption. Sounds like she needs more attention, just take some time out each day with her, I assume she goes off to nursery so she can let her energy off there. But she will grow out it.

starlite3597

are you mad if every parant had a bugger of a child that they put up for adoption we would all be left with no kids so just deal with it you sad person

mlud12000

See your G.P and get the little terror referred to a child psychologist.

Be firmer with discipline as your 3 year old is being a 3 year old and testing her limits. Perhaps put her in a mother's day out a few times a week or gymnastics to help with this excess energy.

mazza1080

it sounds as though you are finding things really tough displine is the key to any3 year old they think they can do what they like and your time must be taken up with the baby i think this is a rough patch and you musnt think about adoption because your baby will do the same things when its 3 as well i am 24 and have 3 kids 6, 3 and 18mths and they do fight and be naughty and push the boundaries you need to be firm and in control if you lose it your chilkd will know what buttons to press and continue to wind you up maybe she feels as if she has no attention and kids usually be naughty to get your attention praise everything she does right this really helps and punish everything she does wrong by taking thins she likes away and by putting her in a pushchair this is great because it learns them that they can not behave that way she will probably kick and scream but that normal and always make her say sorry for everything sahe does wrong but you MUST praise and encourage your child especially in order to teach her to respect her siblings i hate brothers and sisters that fight you must stop it now or she will hurt your baby and not realise that is really wrong i hope i have helped please dont do any thing drastic you will regret it its normal behaviour for a child of this age but it needs to be stamped out now try the supernanny techni9que that may give you some control and include your 3 year old with changing the baby and baths this will make her envolved and may not resent the baby so much best wishes

Heather A

TWO WORDS.....SUPER NANNY!!
http://abc.go.com/primetime/supernanny/index

KrIs

learn to deal with it and be a parent, kids don't come with instructions you take things as they come .... good luck

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