I found my sister!!! I am so excited I can't believe it. Only problem is?

kirby8148302

Hey TQ it's me agian. In my opinion it's not wrong. I have a brother tht i found too cause i was adopted like i told you earlier. My mom is the same way but i still email him all the time and it isn't hurting anything.

Hope i helped.Glad you found her. ttyl

Mama of Three

No i don't think it is wrong for you to do it. I would if i were in your position. I think what your mom is doing is very wrong. I am a mother of three and if I had adopted a child I wouldn't hold them back if they wanted to talk to their biological family. I was a foster child my whole life so I know what it is like to want to talk to your family and not be able to. Good luck and congratulations!!

Anha S

Had I known of/found my sister before I turned 18, I would have contacted her with or without my aparent's consent. That said though, is there any way to reason with your mother? To explain to her just how much it would mean to you to write to your sister?

Personally, I dont think there is anything wrong with you reaching out to your first family. Being adopted isn't usually something one can just ignore or forget.

sunny

Just because someone gave birth to you DOES mean something--she's your MOTHER.

Tell her that just because she adopted you, doesn't mean she OWNS you. Slavery ended a couple hundred years ago.

If she still has a problem, just lie--it's obviously what she prefers, how sad for her.

Don't let anyone take the wind out of your sails! You owe nothing to anyone--enjoy yourself!

myst1998

Ouch! What a response from your adoptive mother.

By the way, 'some woman' didn't just give birth to you. She loved you and carried you inside her for 40 weeks... being a mother is a combination of many things and just because she didn't end up raising you doesn't make her LESS of a mother for it.

Go ahead and write to your sister, she is YOUR family afterall and no one has the right to stop that communication between you. I understand your adoptive mother wanting to protect you from possibly getting hurt but there are other ways she could help you.

And you shouldn't forget you were adopted. To do that is denying part of your journey, a part of who you are. It doesn't define you, but it is part of your life story. Maybe your Amother needs to do some research into adopted persons and how it can affect a person being adopted.

All the best and I hope you and your sister develop a beautiful friendship.

Possum

I take it you're adopted - and your adoptive mother doesn't want you to have contact??

That's really sad.
Too many adoptive parents think that we should be loyal only to them - when in reality - it's not about loyalty - it's about having two families - and wanting to know and love both - if we wish.
Not all adoptive parents are that way - but far too many are.
And for the adoptee - it hurts.

You have every right to talk to whoever you please.
You may have to do it behind her back - sadly.
I wish you all the best.

Crickets_Mom

Your mom is wrong not to let you see your sister. I think her problem is that she is afraid your heart isn't large enough to hold love for more than one person at a time; afraid of losing you.

I have an adopted daughter who had 3 siblings. I told her, "Never burn your bridges because, one day, you may want to cross again." She stayed in contact with them but was very bitter toward her biological mother who was an alcoholic. I sat her down and had a talk with her and told her that I would not be hurt if she established contact with her other mother because it would keep her emotionally balanced. Finally she contacted her biological mother and visited her on rare occasions.

Last year her eldest sister, who was 39 years old, dropped dead of a heart attack. My daughter went to the funeral and got into an argument with her bio. mother while at the motel. She called me upset and crying and I told her she should just keep quiet; there would be time to settle things later.

This past August she went to visit her biological mother again, they settled the issue and made lots of pictures. One week later my daughter was out flying around over the mountains after she got off from work. Her husband called her and told her to land the plane and hurry home, that she had an important message waiting. She hurried home and the message was, "____ (her bio. mother) had just died in a fire." I stood by her through it all and can tell you I'm so proud that I encouraged her to stay in contact with her other family. She has no unanswered question tormenting her and is at peace with both deaths. She has told me many times that she now understands why I encouraged her to stay in contact with her "roots."

I understand your mother's point of view but she should try and see things your way. What could it possibly hurt for you to talk to your biological sister?
I think you should get to know her and see if a friendship develops. Don't be surprised if, at first, your sister is hesitant to answer. On the other hand, she may be as excited as you are. You may have to keep everything a secret for an extended period of time.

I wish you joy and love!

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

no way! she's YOUR sister. you have the right to know her.

(celestial) baby due July 17

Absolutely not, you have every right to want to talk to your biological sister. Odds are that your mom is just worried you will wish she had never adopted you, and that you prefer your birth family. Obviously it is very difficult to raise a child and love it and then it becomes curious about it's "real family" - ouch - but it is understandable to be curious. You should not have to justify emailing them. Just remember in the end who raised you, and who your real mother truly is. I disagree with the others who said that your birth mother is your real mom. She was a surrogate, in essence. Your adopted mother was the one who was there for you growing up, through thick and thin. Having mother-daughter fights is part of a real family. When speaking to relatives over the internet, they don't truly live with you and you don't deal with each other. It would be easy for any of them to chide your mother and give you bad advice because they want to be "on your side". In consequence, they would seem much more fun and it could lead to a false view of your adopted mom, as well as unnecessary tension and going behind her back to bad-mouth her every time you're in a fight. You would only regret it. So I agree that whenever you talk or write to them, your adopted mother should be present. Include her in the process. SHE is your family. Anyone can push a baby out - not everyone has the love and patience to raise one.

~Victoria~

This is your sister. You two share blood. I applaud you for wanting to contact you. It could be the beginning of something wonderful for you. I think you should e-mail her. You have every right to.

Amber C

I think that it's perfectly natural for you to want to speak to you biological sister. And I'm sure it's exciting. Though I must say, your mom is likely trying to protect you. I think her verbiage is a bit abrasive, but she may be trying to prevent you from getting your hopes of a real relationship up. I would talk her about why she really doesn't want this for you. Make sure that you go into it gently. She could be doing this out of fear that you won't think of her as your mom anymore. Just talk to your mom, but follow your heart.

Amom

This is really sad. First, I do think you should be allowed to talk to your sister. How old are you?
Second, Until you have a child of your own, (years from now) you will not understand how much, as a mother, you love that child. Your mother would give her life for you!
Your approach to this might be wrong, please try to consider your mom's feelings. You might be ripping her heart out and stomping on it. If so, we mom's don't always react in the most diplomatic way - we say no and because I said so. Let this go for a little while - like a week or so. Then ask her to talk. Ask her about her feelings and concerns for you. Then LISTEN. Reassure her that she is still mom! Politely and sensitively tell her why you want to do this. It just may be she is worried you will be hurt or deceived in some way. Maybe be she should be part of the first couple of conversations. See if the two of you can reach a compromise. Don't demand, you already tried that, it didn't work. Remember she adopted you, you were no accident, you were an answer to prayers.

guapagirl02

I am adoptive myself, and I think that there is nothing wrong with you being in touch with your biological sister. I think your adoptive mom might be worried that getting in touch with your bio-sister might lead you to want to meet your bio-parents and that she might feel discarded.

It seems that you have already tried talking to your adoptive mom, but I think that it's good that you have found a connection to part of yourself, and I think that no one should keep you from what forms part of you. Being adoptive is a huge part of who you are and with it comes a lot of things. Try talking to her again if you can't, let her know that this is a part of you, and you just want to have this connection. Hope everything works out!

Rainia W

No it isn't wrong. Be understanding to your mom, but also follow your heart. You don't want to miss out on any more time with your sister, trust me.

Michelle M

Hey, I understand your adoptive motherâ€™s point of view, just because someone gave birth to you, does not make them your parent, and just because she birthed more children, does not make them good people like you. Your adoptive mother wants to protect you; she does not want them to hurt your feelings by saying something inappropriate. To your adoptive mother, you are HER baby and the only siblings that count are the ones right there at home. That does not mean I do not understand your side of the story, you want to trace your roots and meet those who are like you. I think as humans we want to do that, we want family ties, a history, and a culture and it would be nice for your mother to understand that. Maybe if you come to an agreement, you will write your sister, only when your mother is present, and you will only make plans to meet if that is ok with your adoptive mother-who after all has been mom to you all your life. Remember your mom just wants to protect you, itâ€™s what mothers do. Great Luck in your endevors.

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