I gave my baby up for adoption 6 1/2 months ago..?

Theresa

I think you really need to speak with other mothers. There are too many people here who don't know what they're talking about.

You can call or email any of the women on this page at any time

http://originsusa.memberlodge.org/Default.aspx?pageId=24333

dcsavak

Okay, your other respondent is an unhelpful a**hole, so I felt the need to chime in. I am 28 and was adopted. I have wonderful, loving, supportive, honest parents, who were up front with me from the beginning, so I grew up knowing that I was adopted. In my curious teenage years, I did wonder from time to time why my birth mother chose to give me up; however, it was hard to dwell on, since I couldn't imagine that staying with her would have been any better for me than my parents were. I thought about trying to find her, but in the end, I just didn't need to. I have no anger toward her, or bitterness. I have all kinds of fantasies about what her life must have been like, and why she had to give me up. I just don't have a need to know the truth. I do have some questions I'd like to ask her, but most are about family health history, since I have a son and would like to be able to give him that info.

In short: No, he won't feel unloved. No, he won't hate you. You did the right thing.

Anha S

He may feel you didn't want him, and he may not. All these people swearing up and down that he will be just fine, no one can know for sure how your son will feel. He might be very angry, not care, or anywhere on the very large spectrum in between.

C Wood

Most colleges have counselors and you need to go to yours and discuss all these feelings.

1) giving up a child is emotionally distressing, even when you need to do so.

2) keeping in touch with the AP's can be good and they can send you photos. You can explain in an email that you wish to put off a meeting till you've adjusted more and won't go on a crying jag.

3) if you're in touch with the AP's and they are good people, they will help him understand that you gave him up so he could have a two-parent family, and because you weren't ready to raise a child when you made the mistake that got you pregnant. But, once pregnant, you loved him too much to have an abortion.

And make sure you don't get pregnant again till you're ready for children. Birth control is so easy to get nowdays.
cw

purple monkey dishwasher

My birthmom gave me away because she was not married and was not financially "set". Now that I am in reunion, I wish more than anything she would have kept me.

My adoptive father was very abusive to me ( I know most aparents dont abuse, but mine did). I ended up with a drug problem, eating disorder and all sorts of other "fun" stuff. Most of it because of the abuse, but alot of it just not feeling like I fit in.

When I met my bmom, she had another child who lived a pretty normal life, even having grown up with our mom who still was single and didnt have a lot of money. She turned out just fine. Actually, better than me.

I am a STRONG believer that a child needs love, not money and experiences. And growing up in a single parent home can def. be done.

I feel really depressed that my mother didnt keep me. I constantly feel like I am not good enough for her or anyone for that matter. She gave me away when she had nothing, but kept another child when she still had nothing. Why was the other child so great that they were kept and not me? Logically the adult in me understands, but the baby in me is mad, depressed, confused, ect...

Karen

He may want answers some day, so consider carefully what you might say.

You can never really tell what a person will feel down the road, but you can control how you will handle the situation.

Hopefully he will know that you did what you did out of love and from a want to give him the best life possible.

PS - ignore the people that label you...they don't know....

Melissa G

Please get some counseling. You may just need to learn some new coping strategies for getting through the grief that is a normal part of adoption.

Your adoption agency should provide this to you at no cost to you, even though it's been a few months since placement.

Sophie

Your child is only getting older. Could you contact the adoptive parents and just tell them that you will be emotional and to expect it and ask if they could help you handle the visit (so your son won't see you so upset at such a young age). The sooner you see him the better... the longer you wait, the harder and more awkward it may be for all of you.

M B

Hey! even though i am only a 16 year old girl i see what you mean. and he might at times feel a little sad but the older he gets i think he will understand that it was all for the better. I have a friend ho is adopted i know she knows that if she didnt have the family she has today then she would not be at the school we go to or wear the clothing she does. It will definitely all make more since to him the older he gets i am 100 percent positive. I do NOT think that he will think that you didn't want him in the end. as long as you have a way to get contact with him or in touch and show that you care i think he will be fine. if you felt good about your decision to give him up and were confident then it was the right one. Just pray that everything works the way it is supposed to. After all that little boy could grow up to make a huge difference in your life his adopted parents lives and even mine. who knows what he will be. He could be the next president now. IT seems like you have opened up his oppurtunities! and once he gets that and accpets it everything will be FINE! i promise! God Bless :)
and i agree with dcsavak completely! his/her answer was really well said and honest since he/she was adopted.!

red elephants

Everyone is different. He may be completely fine with his adoption and understanding of your reasoning for placing him for adoption. Or he may have some issues surrounding it. Hopefully with the latter he will be able to work through those issues as he gets older. Its really not something you can predict.

My arrival didn't fit into my bio dads plans and he took off before I was born. I could easily resent that and be angry but really I'm not all that bothered by it. I have a good life and know that not everyone can handle certain situations. It just happened that I was one he couldn't handle and it didn't ruin my life. I know its a bit different situation but somewhat along the same lines. You did what you thought was best at the time and hopefully he will understand how much you loved him and wanted for him.

Are you going to any kind of counseling to help you work through the depression and emotions you are feeling? If you I hope you will consider finding either private or group counselor to talk with. Sometimes just letting everything out really does help us heal.

michyme

Sorry for your pain. Yeah you will probably cry the first time you visit. After that it will get easier with each time. I think you should go ahead and visit if the AP are in agreement. Maybe even though you couldn't provide what he needs maybe you could still be a loving part of his family. I am sure he would like that. No he won't feel like you didn't want him because, you need to make sure he knows the truth. I would write him a letter for him to keep telling him how much you love him and why you did what you did. That will ease his pains and it would be great if you continue to be a part of his life.

Good luck,
Dianna

Rosie

My heart goes out to you. I understand your pain very well. I gave up my daughter for adoption 11 months ago. The moment I drove away from the hospital I was overtaken by emotions of grief and deep anguish that almost felt physical. Like you my grief seemed to intensify to the point that I began to wonder if I would ever recover. I will forever go through life feeling as if i'm missing an arm but I survived and you will too. My best advice for you is, be gentle with yourself and don't hold anything in. If you feel like crying...cry. Find support groups, reach out, talk about your feelings. When he turns a year old your sadness will subside because you will no longer count months, but years. As a mother that's where you are emotionally I tell you that I too had the same fears as you do. But you need to weave your peace around the knowledge that you didn't take the easy way out. Instead you chose, not just life for him, but quality. Find peace in knowing heâ€™s in good hands, even if those hands are not yours

daisyrose

no i don't think so,,, it was the right decision for you at the time ,,,just think he got what you wanted ,a better live with 2 parents , all kids need that ,, of course you love him ,,,and you allways will good luck ..

â˜†â˜ƒâ€ ~â™¥~â™ª tigger bitten â™ª~â™¥~ â€â˜ƒâ˜†

will he think of you of his birth mom? is it an open adoption? those things are pretty important. but i think that the parents realize how much pain you are in and how hard this must be for you tell them you do want to see him but you just feel like you would be very emotional warn them of that and they will understand after you go see him you will be emotional but you will be able to see how well he is doing in his new home and how well they take care of him and how much they love him and if they are willing to see you remember that it won't be the last time you will have your son.
good luck and best wishes.

txpure_1

When you place your baby for adoption, it is normal and natural to go through the grieving process. You carried your son for 9 months and will forever have feelings toward him. That's okay. My oldest daughter gave up her son for adoption in early 2007. His AP's have been very generous in sending emails, letters, pictures, etc. to update her on how her son is doing. My daughter and I met with the AP's before the baby was actually placed with them. IMO, this helped us all to know that the baby would be loved and well cared for. Sweetie, it's so important for you to deal with your feelings and emotions. Otherwise, it will drive you crazy. You have to know that you did a wonderful and beautiful thing placing your son for adoption. Adoption is in no way an easy choice. It is a selfless act of love. It takes a lot of strength and courage for any birth mom to place her baby for adoption. I'm sure that your son's AP's will be forever grateful to you for giving them such a precious gift. It's your choice to meet them or not. No one else has the right to tell you to meet them. If you're not comfortable with it, then don't. I'm sure that his AP's will be honest and open with him as he grows up about his adoption. You made the best decision you could for both you and your son. Keep your chin up and your head held high. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Lea

Some people can be very cruel with there answers, only due to the fact of there own insecurities. You did what you felt was in the best interest of your child and that is what a good parent is suppose to do put there child first. I know of a few adults that where adopted at birth and I have talked to them in length about there feelings. As I am an adoptive parent and wanted to know how they felt. Not one of them would have changed anything and they all felt loved and secure growing up and yes they all new that they where adopted from a young age. Two of these people did look up there birth parents and one of them does have a relationship with her birth family. The other two have no desire to have any relationship with there birth family. One of whom the birth family has made contact with and although he has met them there is not really a bond that he feels the need to continue. And the last one feels no need to try to contact her birth family. So you see each person had there own feelings on the subject but none of them felt unwanted or unloved.

Why are you worried about being a crying mess? Your feelings make you who you are. As an adoptive parent I would rather see you a crying then a cold person who I felt had no feelings. If you are going to be in his life why wait start now while he is little and everything will be more comfortable for him. The reason I say for him is because is that now what it is all truly about what is best for your son.

I pray that you find inner peace in knowing you made the correct decision for you both.

Binka

I was adopted and I don't want to get to know my biological parents. He won't feel like you didn't want him if they explain that you could not afford him. He will understand. If you want to see him then do what you want but personally I think that knowing my biological parents would just complicate things. It did with my teacher. She sought them out and found them. They are nice people but she regrets it because it makes her life even more complicated.

Skadoctor1

The early you get started being a part of his life the less stressful it will be for him and also the less emotional it will make you. Id rather see waterworks at 7 mos. of age than meet a child at age 5 and let the flood waters flow. You will get use to him and him to you. If the family is game for you to see him, I would say go for it! They might not be as open to the idea once he's older. Know? And, the older he gets, the more of a decision it will be his whether he wants to see you.
And to answer your other question... I doubt any child would feel unloved because he didnt fit in to your 'plan'. As an adopted child myself, I would much rather know that my mom was loving enough to give me up for adoption because they knew I deserved the best and wanted to provide that vs. trying to raise me because I was biologically theirs and see them struggle with the process the entire time. Its life changing for both of you... you will be able to meet your goals and he will have the life he deserves. Its a very mature decision to have made. One I doubt any adopted child could hold against you.
Good luck!

PossiblyNotMaybe

"Not fitting into your plan" would have been aborting him. With that said, you did the right thing. He will always question where he came from and why you chose to give him up, but his adoptive parents will have to deal with that as best as they can. If he has love and support from his adoptive parents, then he will be ok in the long run! You did your best!

deeds

This might not answer your question, but I just don't want to share to you what I've read before in an article where it says that...A child will not ever forget the voice of her/his mother no matter how far they are to each other, it will stay with her/him forever. I think this is true, especially in your case where I can say that you really love him and longing to hug and kiss your baby. God bless you. Always remember that in life, things happen in purpose...you may not see find any reason at this moment, but someday you will.

sam22254

Let's just hope he doesn't turn out like some of the male adoptee (serial killer) or abuse husband or some one that can't commit to a marriage. Don't worry it's not just males . I know one woman that her mother gave her away with her sister now both are older and both have gave a child away to. Most children form adoption doesn't care one way or another about the first parents and why should they. The first parents are the ones that gave them away.
I know this is a mean answer but your not the first one that has had a hard time after adoption and won't be the last as long as there are adoption agencies and adopting couples saying your wonderful for giving your child away

debcn76

Im sooo sorry you had to give your baby for adoption. Your baby will probably grow to be a happy human being and with the love that his new family will give him, he wont hold any bad feeling towards you. The only issue I have with this is that life is so unfair sometimes. You gave your baby up for adoption and I have been trying to have one and have had 2 miscarriages already. It is just soo unfair that people that want to have a baby, dont and the ones that dont want to have babies do.

devilrider13

More then likely he will... But that's something you wil have to deal with since you were stupid and got pregnant when there are tons of ways to prevent it

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: