I gave my son up for adoption after he was born a year ago and now i want him back. what should i do?

Still Me

If you signed a Relinquishment, and the baby was placed with an Adoptive Couple, they have likely already finalized the adoption. So, if things were done legally, like through an agency or attorney, there is no recourse.

Besides, if your child is being loved and cared for in a secure family, his needs are being met, and he is bonded to them. To take him form that security now would do him harm.

Could you consider trying to work on more openness in the adoption, so you can see how he is doing, and feel more reassured about his welfare, but not interrupt his life?

Remember, you made the best decision you could for your baby, so please don't cause him pain now (unless he is being abused, of course!) I don't know the details, because you have not provided them. But please just think about your baby -- not your pain. I know that is so immensely difficult. But that is what moms do. I wish you peace. .

thinkinkat1234

If you love your son you should leave it alone and not try to get him back. All he knows is his adopted family and you would be taking him away from his family for your own selfish reasons. Don't want to be harsh but I can't think of any other reason you'de want him back.

Orion

I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, what I'm going to tell you is the truth. Once your rights have been terminated and a legal adoption has occurred there is no going back. There is no way for you to reverse the legal adoption. I'm sorry that you long for your child and I hope that you will be able to find peace and move on.

Ayawi

Think about what this would do to your child. He has lived with this family for a year now, and bonded with them. He loves them, and they are the only family he knows.
It would traumatize him to be removed from his loving home, and sent to live with a stranger(no offense)
Besides that, It would be very hard to do legally, as you would have to prove that you would be the better parent, and that this is in his best interest.
If you know who the adoptive parent's are, I would suggest asking them for some pictures, and an update on him, but unless he is in a bad situation, don't try to take him from the only home he knows.
Right now the best way to show him you love him is to let him be.
You will make it through this. I promise.

Boredoutofmymind

Leave him where he is. Looking back at your other question, you have a daughter. Focus your attention on her.

ladybmw1218

No state I know of has a one year revocation period, unless you have cause to say your consent was signed under duress, coercion, or fraud in which case you can hire an attorney and make your case to a judge. Wanting him back isn't sufficient.

Unfortunately there is probably nothing you can do unless you have left out many important details here.

Emily Dew

I was adopted shortly after I was born because my birthmother couldn't care for me. When I became an adult, I searched for her and after three long years, found her. She was so happy and said she always knew some day I would find her. She married and had more children, but their life was not easy, because the family was beset with alcohol problems and constant financial difficulties, among other things. I was sooooooo grateful to her for giving me up for adoption and letting me have all the opportunities in life that I was given. I knew how hard it was for her to do that after I had my own child. I have been very blessed in life, but absolutely none of it would have been possible without her unselfish love for me. She has since died, but I remember her always and keep her in my prayers.

On the contrary, my adopted sister has five children and is in an abusive, alcoholic marriage. They live hand to mouth basically as her husband rarely works. When she was pregnant with her third child, she seriously considered giving him up for adoption. A friend of a friend knew a couple who were looking to adopt. The father was a professional and the mother was a stay-at-home mom. They had a nice house in a good suburb and believed strongly in God, family and education. My sister considered them, but in the end, kept her son. The boy is now 15. He is so scarred by the alcoholism and verbal abuse in his house that he is on the verge of dropping out of school. The local police are familiar with him. Every time I look at him, I want to cry for the life he could have had and the person he could have been and I want to slap my sister for being so selfish.

I'm not saying this would happen to you and your child, but please consider your decision very carefully. Maybe even get counseling before you take this any further.

Kanakalele

Allow your child to be raised by the adoptive parents. This child belongs to them and they are the only parents the infant knows. You will do more harm to the baby than good at this point. Be comforted, children who were adopted 99% of the time seek out the birth parents. Don't know why they do, it must be an internal program.

It depends where you live. Where I live, after a year, you CAN'T get him back. If you thought enough about him to give him the life he deserves, don't take that away from him. I know it probably hurts to think about having a son put up for adoption, but I'm sure you did the right thing by him. You gave him a chance. Stay strong.

Maudie

You made the decision to give him up for adoption for his well-being, correct? Letting him live his life with his parents is part of that decision and of his well-being.

Maybe you should talk to someone about these feelings?

connie

If this was a legal adoption then there is noting you can do.
Even if it wasn't it is better to leave things alone.
People who adopt children are loving parents.
Adopted children are always wanted that's why parents apply to adopt.
In other words, a child may or may not be wanted by his parents. But are always wanted by adopting parents.
He has a good home. He will some day ask about you. One day he will probably come looking for you. Its a great feeling when this happens.
So leave well enough alone now. Don't hurt your son or the adoptive parents. You have a child and can probably have more.

C K Platypus

There is nothing that you can do. I'm sorry for your loss.

Ghost Writer

Absolutely nothing. You made your choice and should live with it. Why put that kind of heart ache on his parents and him?

iwill

i know how you feel but you stand no chance. just pray for peace in your heart. the laws are not on your side.

bill l

pray for him . that is all you should do .

2 boys 2 luv.

You cant just change your mind. Imagine how his new parents would feel hearing that. Im sorry that you have changed your mond but think of you child not yourself.

firecracker

WOW, THATS A VERY SCARY THING FOR ANYONE OF US OUT HERE TO BE ANSWERING,,,MY THOUGHTS ON THIS ARE ,THAT MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT THIS OVER A LITTLE MORE BEFORE HAND,,,HAVE YOU TRIED TO HAVE ANY TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP WITH THE CHILD ?AND HAS IT BEEN AN OPEN ADOPTION ?WHAT ABOUT THE FEELINGS OF THE PARENTS OF THIS CHILD? I WOULD SUGEST THAT YOU GET AN ATTOURNEY THAT IS EXPERINCED IN THIS SORT OF PAIN,,,CERTAINTLY SOMEONE WILL BE HURT

Karen C

If you love your son you should leave him alone. Register with the agency if he wants to find you ~ you can be there for him, but don't go any further. Remember giving him up was a very generous thing to do and a tough choice, but if you made your choice you should just take a step back and cause no harm. Good luck!

calgaryjenhere

I know this is going to be an extremely difficult time for you. However, there is a varying amount of time in each state or province in which you can revoke and take the child back after signing. It is generally 24 hours to 14 days. After that time the adoption is finalized through the courts and can not be overturned. It is sad and unfortunate that you have changed your mind, however, the adoptive family is the family now. The best you could do is try to contact them and see if they are willing to have some degree of openness in the adoption eg. pictures, phone calls, emails or a visit.

I wish you well and really recommend some grief counseling for you to get through this.

Mylilmanm

this is hard i have mixed feelings, either way ppl are gonna be hurt, i'd talk to the adoptive parents if possible, maybe work something amicable out with them talk with the agency and explore your options pray about it(to whomever is your higher power) good luck

surat108

Too late....he is part of a family now who love him as there son and it would be mean and orrible to take him away from them. You made a choice, a difficult choice, but nevertheless the choice was made and you have to leave it alone. If you are ready to be a mom, have another child and start new.

I know it's hard but it would be the right thing to do.

HeArT_lOvEr

i dont kno but u should have thought of that before u gave up to adoption because its gonna be very hard since u gave him up when he wuz born. but if u really want ur son back try ur hardest to get him back and work hard to know u have and r able to give him what he deserves......

Kerri

You will always be his parent by birth - and therefore always have a place in his heart. But a year ago you made the decision to give your child a different life, and now you have to learn to let go and move on in your life. He will always be yours in your heart - and that is all that should matter at this point. Let him be with the family who adopted him. With the parents he calls Mom and Dad. And one day - when you are both older and he is an adult maybe that will be the right time to seek him out, tell him how much you loved him but that you couldn't care for him at the time so you made the decision to place him with a family who could provide for his needs. That you did the best you could for him. And that he has parents of his own who raised him, but he will always have a place in your heart. And most likely he will appreciate knowing this.
But please remember that he has a family of his own, and that when you gave him up for adoption it meant that you made a choice that you must learn to live with the rest of your life. By no means is it easy to do - but you have to accept your choices (whether you feel it was a mistake or not) and learn from them, and do the best you can.
I was an adopted child, I've met both birthparents. This is my advice based on what I know of myself as an adult, how I was as a child, and based upon what my birthparents shared with me when I was in contact with them as an adult.

Marie C

It is not fair to your child to change your mind at this point. He has now bonded with his adoptive family, who were probably waiting for years to adopt a baby. To take him away at this point would be extremely damaging to him. Try to remember the reasons you felt that you couldn't parent him in the first place. Children need stability and consistency in order to grow up healthy and confident. You made a good decision for your son, and it's probably no longer possible to change your mind anyway, since most states have only a 6-month revocation period.

bess

Sorry but there is absolutley no way at all that you can get him back or even let him know about you until he is 18 (if you live in the UK i dont know about the united states though.) but his family may tell him he is addopted first.

going [[nowhere]] fast

i know u want ur child back, but would u realy want to ruin the family he is in?. . . . if u took him out of tht family, u would devastate tht whole family. . . it would be like a son dying to them. . . if u realy want to c ur son wait til he is older

amelia_albertine

Is it possible to get him back?

It may not be possible - it depends on the conditions of the adoption, and what you signed. If it is not possible that is probably 'it' - but you should try talking to a lawyer about it.

Please consider that if you do get your biological son back, it will be at the cost of another family losing their son - they consider the boy they adopted to be their own, and they probably love him more than anything.

It is an open or closed adoption? The best thing would be if both you and the adopted parents can spend time with your biological son - I don't know if this is possible after the adoption has been finalized, but you could perhaps legally try to get 'shared custody' of the child. The best thing for everyone, though, would be if you lived close enough to your son so that you could be with him as he grows, and he can still be with his adopted parents as well. He is lucky to be so loved. But it must hurt a lot for you, not knowing what you can do, and loving him so much... I hope the situation will work out for you all in a good way.

mcooper43

I have a son and when he was 4 I had another son. Because I was STILL a single mom I knew that the best decision for all of us -my son, the baby and me - was to place this baby in the care of another family. That "baby" is now 9 and doing awesome! My situation has completely changed and I am married with another son, and with #3 on the way. My husband and I have been together for over 8 years.
You can't go back. You made an amazing decision (don't mean to toot my own horn but 'toot-toot' :)) to give that small little person a better chance. Things may have changed for you but for him his life has already begun and that is because of your choice. A mother is not made by incubating a child for 9 months in the womb. Motherhood comes from all the hours dedicated when that baby is out in the world making his mark, for better or for worse. His life is moving forward and so must yours. He will always be in your heart if not in your life.
I love him, my second son. I love him so much that I would never do anything to take away what I gave him in the first place; a chance at something better. I know you love your boy too. But love him and love yourself. You may feel a void because you allowed him to be removed from you and you have to live with that decision. But that void must be filled by you; it is YOUR responsibility to fill that void, not his.
Be someone that little guy can be proud of. I never understand why adopted kids think they were 'given up'. They were given to someone else because the birth mom or dad felt they would be safer and happier in the care of another. My husband is adopted and has never asked that question. He has the MOST amazing parents and I absolutely adore them! My son, my oldest, is not their blood but they consider him their first grandson always and he was almost 5 when they met him.
I pray you find peace in your decision and make the right choice to let him live his life to its fullest and you go on to live your life to the fullest too. You made a wonderful decision; be good to you now and give your SELF another chance.

Jeanette

well you will always be their birth parent, but now they are being raised by an adoptive family, you can still be apart of the child's life.

frank

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