I have an adoption situation that I would love all people on this forum to take a look at and analyze...?

I went to have lunch with the people who work at my son's adoption agency. They had a mom contact them who they had worked with while she was pregnant, but had decided to parent. She has a 3 week old beautiful little girl. She's having a mental breakdown. Her husband has decided to leave her. She wanted to drop the baby off with them for the day so she could clear her head a little, go to a doctor's appointment, and go visit with her pastor. She told them that she is not bonding with the baby. He looks just like her dad and this makes her sad. She's breastfeeding right now but has no desire to do it anymore because it's too emotionally painfull. So, she dropped the baby off. She called all day long to check on her. The baby had been well taken care of and was a very good baby. I stayed with at the adoption agency all day long and helped them take care of her. When she came back to the adoption agency she was interested in putting her in the foster care provided by the agency.
Additional Details
This foster care is for as long as the mom wants and can be stopped any time. It’s not like CPS. The young lady went and met the foster care family. She decided to think about it some more. She ended up taking the baby home again.

When I met this girl, I thought she was a smart, intelligent girl. I think she would make a great mom and the agency thinks so as well. I think she is so depressed about her husband that she can’t think about anything but him. Why do you think she is having trouble bonding with her little girl?

Also, after spending time with the little girl, I realized that I could definitely be a foster parent. I really didn’t have any desire to be that little girl’s mom, but I would love to have taken her home and showered her with love until that mom wanted her back, or worst case scenario, she decided to put her up for adoption. It was just exciting because I never thought I could do foster care, but after that experience, I really think I could.

Wilma Duckie Deene

This is a really sad story. I guess the one thing that hasn't been addressed directly, but I think it was implied was that this mom is going through a doozy bout of PPD. WHat a ton to throw on anyone.

I hope that she finds the peace of mind and answers to her situation soon.

Heather B

Wow I've never heard of an agency doing that - are they hoping to persuade her to TPR, I wonder

This poor girl has really been though it, hasn't she. Sounds like PPD. Here in the UK she could go to a mother and baby unit for help with this AND stay with her baby, don't you have support for mothers in the USA other than relieving Mom of her baby. I don't call that help and support

I hope this works out. It was good of you to help care for the baby and I hope the poor lady gets the help she needs to get through this. PPD affects 1 in 10 mothers put that together with hubby leaving and she's really suffering and not in any state to be making any rash decisions

cruzgirlz3

This woman sounds like she needs time and counseling. It sounds to me like she might have post partum depression. She needs to see an MD about this. She is overwhelmed and when you are in this state you really are not prepared to make life-changing decisions. I hope she can get the help she needs.

lovelymrsm

It sounds like she has a lot of stuff going on in her life right now, and that can really add to the stress of having a newborn--and newborns are already a lot of stress with the sleep deprivation and the hormone changes and all.

It sounds like she might need to talk to someone about PPD (post partum depression) which could be the reason she is having difficulty bonding with her baby. It's very common, and it's no one's fault, and even people with relatively easy lives can get it. Also, it doesn't make her a bad mom (make sure to tell her that!).

She needs support right now-since her husband and her family seem to have abandoned her. Talk to her yourself, or find some community resources in your area where she can talk to a counselor or go into a support group.

I hope everything works out for her!

Lori A

I DO NOT mean to sound callous but aside from the PPD this is what I mean by being prepared to raise your children alone. You never know what is going to happen down the road. I know it's my own upbringing that makes me mistrust or depend on only myself, but this is why I say be willing to raise your children yourself. People say things, maybe they mean them, maybe they don't, maybe they had good intentions but their situation changed, maybe they never would have left you but God had a different plan.

I am sorry for your friend and I hope she finds a solution that works for her. Maybe you can talk to her about all the parents who for many different reasons have had to go it alone and she can find strength from it.

mommy2squee

Ok...

Does she have other children? Is she an adult? Could you possibly take them BOTH into your home for a few months or even a few weeks, until she is back on her feet?

(oh.. and how did she deliver? was it a C-section, induced or natural? If it was one of the first two, that could be feeding into her depression!)

latitude

I think that you being a temp foster mom for the baby sounds like a great idea.

Adopted Jane

Quote "Also, her parents were the ones who convinced her initially not to put the baby up for adoption.:Unquote

Quote "She told them that she is not bonding with the baby. He looks just like her dad and this makes her sad. She's breastfeeding right now but has no desire to do it anymore because it's too emotionally painfull"Unquote

Personally I would be telling her to grow the hell up. Husbands leave wives all the time but people dont throw their babies away because they *look* like the husband and stop giving what is best for the baby IE BREASTMILK

All i can say is SELFISH SELFISH AND SELFISH

These stories make me so very very VERY Angry..

You cant decide that you could just be a foster mother because you happened to *click* with one little baby...Being a foster mother is so much more than feeling the love for one little tiny helpless baby

What happens if the husband decides to come back ? and she has given away their baby ? will she then disrupt the babys thenlife and say oh sorry I want my baby back

ACK GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

ETA upon reflection I was probably a little harsh and should give her her the benefit of the doubt. She needs to see a Dr asap and she needs support, she doesnt need people taking her baby away from her in any way

janna w

It sounds like she has post-partum.
After all these stories on the news I'd be afraid if she did place the baby for adoption she'd change her mind in a year when she gets better and call the adoption agency as well as thhe ap's "baby stealers"
I think right now she needs support not foster care

Old Fashioned Mother

Perhaps this young girl has postpartum depression. That can make the very best of new mothers feel overwhelmed and unable to cope.
The foster care idea sounds like a very good option for her if she feels she needs to take some time out to heal and pray. I hope her pastor is able to help and guide her along her journey of recovery.
If their parish is close, could a group of people get together to give her some assistance? When a new mom, or any parent, is struggling, our parish close ranks and make sure that the childrens needs are taken care of and the parents are helped along in their journey.
I hope everything goes well for her and I will include her and her baby in my prayers.

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