I have doubts about my friend's adoption agency, but not sure it's my place to complain?

grapesgum

Please share this pamphlet with your friend. It was written by a woman who gave her baby away and had terrible regrets. It will help your friend to examine the information that the adoption agency is telling her more critically and not take it on face value.

Your friend is in very much the same situation as the author of the pamphlet was.

"What you should KNOW if you're considering adoption for your baby"

http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1

DevonChaos

Likely they ARE taking advantage of her insecurity. That is how these places work. Very few women have no interest in parenting. Many of them feel they are not ready yet for a number of very temporary reasons. Agencies (not ALL, but many) will tell them whatever it takes (suggesting the farce that is open adoption, etc.) in order to get what they want (babies, babies, babies).

There IS something you can address. Tell her not to make up her mind until she has given parenting a chance. She can do this with your support. Offer to watch the baby for her, or help her around the house. Offer to help her find resources to help her be a great parent. Spend time talking to her and find the root of the reason why she wants to give the baby up. It could very well be that she is insecure.

Adoption can cause a lifetime of pain for both the first mother, and the child. I know first hand, because I myself am adopted.

She should stop talking to the agency immediately. She can always call them after the child comes. However, once the she gives up the child, she cannot get them back.

Pretty Kittys Gt Klaws (=^_^=)

It's all about the money...ain't a damn thing funny (sorry 80's gangsta rap, but i digress)
People pay the highest prices for a Caucasian baby and they know it.

Damitra

Just let your friend know that you are extremely supportive of her decision, but you feel that she should have some other opinions besides the people who would only profit from her relinquishment of her child. You have to say something if you are her friend.

MARY

I agree with Devon. Have her give parenting a chance. Explain that after she tries parenting, if she still feels she is not a good parent then she can look into adoption.
You're a good friend, imo.

sizesmith

I wouldn't pressure her either way. They're already doing too much of that. Inform her that she has rights, and if she doesn't ask for them now, she'll never get them.

She has the right to meet the adoptive parents. She has the right to see their home and where they live. Our son's first mom asked to move in with us to see how we acted on an everyday basis. She has a right to read and receive a copy of their home study. If anyone says she doesn't, she needs to RUN fast from that agency. Even if she believes that she doesn't want to see the baby, I can almost guarantee that at some point, she'll change her mind, and if she doesn't have contact information, then there's no way, because the agency won't give it to her after the baby is born.

The person who said she can't sign before the baby is born is wrong. In several states, you can sign before the baby is born, however, there's a time which varies from state to state before the parental consent is permanent. Our son's first parents signed before he was born. I actually drove her to the courthouse, and showed her which staircase to go up, and told her the 1st door on the right was the clerk's office if she changed her mind. She and the first dad had 10 days after his birth to revoke their parental consent to adopt signatures.

Tell her that she has every right to simply tell them that if they pressure her she's going to another agency. She can find parents by herself (and I urge a LOT of care doing this, including seeing their home study done by a licensed social worker, and making sure that criminal and background checks are part of it.) We met our son's first parents through a mutual friend, after she'd told several friends that she wanted to place the baby for adoption.

I also urge you to have her seek a counselor for confidence issues. A counselor that's not related to the adoption clinic might serve her better, address her fears, and assure her about her abilities, and they can help her with grief issues afterwards. There's several state grants for this which can be asked for when she makes her appointment, and medicaid and other insurance will often pay for the services also.

No matter what she decides, she's going to need your help during and after the pregnancy. Offer to babysit for her some after she has the baby if she keeps it. Be there after she leaves the hospital. Maybe go to an adult type restaurant where there's not a lot of kids for lunch on the way home from the hospital. Make it one that she normally doesn't go to, so she won't harbor bad memories. Take a good movie or two over to her house so she can watch.

You can't stop her from making the decision. Just be her friend and forgive her if she does. She's really going to need a friend afterwards. Also, some women who don't want kids end up being the best parents there are, and others have kids who eventually end up in foster care, because let's face it, some just aren't good mothers, and everyone ends up knowing it. Good luck.

The fact that you think she should parent could be clouding your perception of what the adoption agency is doing. She can not sign rights until after the birth. The fact that she may be capable of parenting the child doesn't mean she wants to or has too. She is your friend and you can tell her what you think. But beyond that, it is up to her. Sounds like she is an intelligent person and she will do what she thinks is best for the child and herself

rkp

I am sorry for your friends situation, just be there to support her in her decision, but if she decides to not keep the baby, please contact me. my husband and i are looking for a baby to love and raise together. (i can not have a child)

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