I have no one to talk to who understands me, I just gave my child up for adoption?

Expendable

I've been in a relationship like that before (without the pregnancy part though) and I know how it makes you feel. I always thought I was a smart, good person and my ex made me feel like a stupid, worthless, annoying person. Detaching himself from the unborn child just because it was a girl shows how terrible your ex is, and i'm glad you're not with him.

Your parents opinion also seems pretty offensive. Only "biological" grandchildren count? That is like an insult to all adoptive and foster children. I'm adopted and my grandparents still spoil me to death and show everyone my baby pictures (which they showed to EVERY boyfriend I have had!! argh) You can still love a child even if they are not from the egg that was made in your body years and years ago.

You just seem to unfortunately be surrounded by ignorant and mean people. If you are happy with your decision and your daughter is too, don't listen to the Conservative rednecks who try and enforce their obsolete religious views on you. People need to learn that children who aren't biologically related to the parent(s) CAN still be loved and not all women want to be mothers or should take care of a child.

Mama to Nola

I think you did a great thing for the child, and the family she went to. You are absolutely not horrible! You knew what the best course of action was for you and your situation, and took it, which is admirable.

Is there a counseling agency you could see? AFAIK, therapists can't chastise you for personal decisions like this, and it might help to get it all off your chest to someone who can help you come up with reactions to your family.

alliam

I will withhold my opinion of you. But if you prayed for a miscarriage, you felt as if the baby were a parasite, and you were "stuck with a child you didn't want", I feel you made the best decision in giving the child away.

Crucio

I am so sorry for your situation if you truly did not want your baby you did the right thing in giving this little girl to parents who wanted her. I am sorry about your familyâ€™s reaction and that you have not gotten any good support you donâ€™t deserve that. You were put into a situation where you felt forced to keep a pregnancy that you did not want. You did not want to be a mother so again its better that the baby is with loving parents who want her, then for her to be raised by a mother who does not want her.

Not everyone is meant to be parents. You might consider talking to a counselor if your funds are low I would think planned parent hood or something similar would have low cost or free. This people will not personnel judge you or at least they will keep their opinions to themselves.

I would tell your family that this is a choice you made and they may not like it but it was not their decision. If you truly don't want to ever have children i would suggest you get your tubes tied. Grant it at your age you might not find a doctor willing to do it they will feel your too young to know for sure that you never want children. You may not want a child now but who knows when your 27 or in your 30's you might chance your mind. However if you are for sure then I would get a tubal as soon as you can.

FreeSpirit

I was adopted. And I tell you I went through a lot of tragedies.
However, I feel like this...as long as you aren't like those people who put their babies in a dumpster, you're doing the right thing.
I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who would be good adoptive parents.
You've weighed all of the options, do what you have to do as long as you don't think you will regret it later.

Lori A

No matter what you do at this point there will be some one who hates you for what you did. That's what it means to be a surrendering mother. You are constantly looked down upon for your decision by some one.

I can completely understand your parents feelings. This is their flesh and blood too. My mother told me that "my" children will be her only natural grand children because all her other grand children came from other women, as in my sister in laws. Go figure, but it's how some people think.

Families are affected by adoption. It is ultimately your decision but there might have been another option for you, and your child to have family, had you talked to your parents.

Caleb kisses Momma w/that mouth!

No hon you aren't inhumane for giving up your child. You did the right thing by that baby if you knew you weren't cut out to raise children. She'll grow up with loving, compassionate parents who adore her. There's nothing wrong with what you did. You gave someone a blessed gift!! You did a very selfless thing. Most women would've just gone out and had an abortion, I commend you for being so brave to carry a baby to full term, go through labor and then give the baby to someone who really wanted to be a parent. That's really awesome!! You have nothing to be ashamed of. Someday if you decide that you want children then I'm sure you'll have some. And some day if you make the choice to contact your daughter then I'm sure her adoptive parents would be okay with that. Till then, try not to worry about your choice. You made the choice for yourself and your life, not your families. I can understand how they'd be hurt because they didn't know of your intentions and may want desperately to be grandparents but that is not their choice to make, it is yours. NEVER have children for anyone else, that is the WRONG reason to do it. That child will always feel resented by you if you don't want it, and you never want to put an innocent child through that. You did the right thing.

ldlandry2

I was given up at birth for adoption, I was raised by wonderful parents, they loved me, and helped me through life. We didn't always agree, but there was and is so much love between us.
My birth mother gave me up for a number of reasons, first she had a lot of other children at home, they didn't have money, and she wanted me to have a chance of a better life. She did it out of love. It was a closed adoption, but when I was 16 my adopted mother decided I needed to meet them, for no other reason then to learn my health history. But I have other sisters and brothers that are wonderful, and my birth parents were loving and kind people. I never have had any regrets, and though my birth parents have passed, I am still in touch with my sisters and brothers. It is not inhuman to give up a child, not when you know you wouldn't make a good parent. A child needs the best, and you did the best for the child by giving it up for adoption.
A bit of advice, when the child comes looking for you, welcome them with open arms, love and understanding, and be honest. Do not close the door when it is knocked on for answers. It will one day have to be closed. By the way I am 48 years old now. I have so much to be grateful for.

Lala O

No, you are not a horrible person. Kids are not for everyone, and that is understandable. It will take some time for your parents to come around and understand your decision. Even if they don't come to realize the reason behind your actions, you had to do what you needed to. You gave the child a second chance at life with a family who wanted a child, and would treasure that child more than you probably could have. You gave the child the best gift in the world, and that was a family.

The only thing I disagree with is the closed adoption. You may not want to see your child now, but your opinion may change, and you just might want to see your child later down the road.

You're not cruel, you made a choice based on how you felt and your priorities, and obviously a child was not one of them.

drkangel210e

First of all, I think that how your relatives are acting is wrong. They shouldn't be judging you for something that was obviously the right decision for you.

If you're calling the baby a parisite, even after you gave birth to her, I'd say that the little girl is lucky to have different parents.

Oh, and if she ever tries to contact you, you might want to re-think the whole "I would have aborted if I had it to do over again" business. She's a real person not just some mental abstraction that you've created. She'll want real answers and some amount of acceptance from you. When that day comes, dig as deeply as you can and find your love of humanity, if not of your daughter. Don't let your anger towards your ex boyfriend reflect on her.

Overall, I applaud you for making a correct, but unpopular choice. It just saddens me that you're wishing abortion on a living, breathing person.

snowwillow20

It may seem like you did what was best for your child since you truly didn't want her. You didn't tell your parents because you didn't want them to talk you out of giving her away. You will have a long time to live with your actions and I wish you well.

shipyard60

I can't have children and always wanted one. I think what you did was wonderful. Aborting a healthy fetus when you didn't need to would be sad. Giving your infant to someone who wanted her will make a complete family for her new family. Your ex and your parents don't deserve to have a baby, they are mean spirited and won't have been good for the baby.

Adopted children are every bit as loved as bio kids. My aunt adopted my cousin, my brother adopted his wife's kids and after the divorce they are still his kids. His first wife had a daughter with another father while married but she is still family at 36 when everyone knows she wasn't blood related. She and her sister and cousins grew up together as my parents grand kids nobody was different depending on who was at their conception.

My boy cousin has a wife with two teens that have been his sons since they were toddlers, they are his entire life he would die for them.

Your daughter has every chance to be the most loved child, you did a good thing.

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