I have to write a letter for my friends who are trying to adopt. What do I write?

julie j

Hi Annmer,

I'm assuming you mean your friends would like for you to write a letter of reference on their behalf to provide to whoever will be deciding whether or not to approve them as adoptive parents.

Considering that adoption is about meeting the needs of a child first & foremost, think about the specific qualities that would make your friends best suited to meet the needs of children. Do your friends have those qualities? Is there anything about their extended families, friends, and neighbors that could add to a good experience for their future child?

Do you know if they want to provide for a child who is already here & does not have a home, as opposed to trying to solicit a pregnant woman to relinquish her newborn baby to them? The former is about the child getting a home, the latter is about the parents getting a baby, which is difficult, as a practice, to justify.

As for ideas, you could start with how long you have known the prospective couple. State what experience you know they have with children. It could be a youth group, daycare, previous parenting, teaching, babysitting, Sunday school, community work, etc. Also talk about how open, trustworthy, loving, caring, secure & dependable they are. Give specific examples to illustrate that. Have you observed their skills interacting with children before? Would you or have you left your own children with them? What have their previous experiences with adoption been? How could those benefit a child? Those are the sorts of things your letter should cover.

Simply saying they are religious is not enough, as sadly there are some religious people who are not loving parents, and there are some parents who are very loving yet not religious. Obviously, the decision will be based on many factors in addition to your letter of reference.

Good luck with some of these ideas. And I hope the future child has a great life with them if they are approved as an adoptive home. Lastly, encourage your friends to have an open adoption for the child's benefit. Thanks.

julie j
reunited adoptee

LOJunkie

Talk about how they interact with children (as far as you've observed) and what about their marriage and their individual personalities that you admire. Talk about how you plan to be a support system for them (if you are) and how/why you know that they and their family members will view an adopted child as just as much a part of their family as a biological one. Be upfront about any concerns you have (if there are any)

Carly Sue

As a birth mother I wanted to know little things when I was reading letters on prospective families. I wanted to know about their every day life, the funny stuff that happened at bar b ques because I wanted to see my child involved in that type of life. A funny incident and inside joke. Stuff to make me feel like I knew them. I read about 50 letters from friends and family that went on about how they think the couple would make perfect parents and what moves they are making to prepare for a baby in their life and that was nice to know. But I wanted to see some insight on them and something that would make me feel like I could know them a little better.

confidentgal

When you say they are good people and will be good parents, give specific, concrete reasons to back up your high opinion of these people. The adoption center is looking for concrete reasons to approve the family for a child who needs a "forever family".

Reasons can be similar to . . . they take great care of their nieces or nephews; they value, practice and teach good, Christian values; their relationship is strong and loving.

That's what they're looking for, and by being asked to provide this kind of letter, you are being told that your opinion is valued, that your way of life was considered in choosing who to ask to write the letters, etc.

sunny

They're asking a minor to write them a letter to recommend them for adopting a child? How odd.

I wonder about their maturity level--how old are they?

ETA: Then he is not YOUR youth pastor, but the church's youth pastor.

janna w

Just talk about their character. Honest, loving, giving, and that they would give their children a loving and safe environment.

Jennifer L

Ok, first of all, many adoption agencies require letters of recommendation from friends. So, before you answer "Why are you writing this letter?" understand that it's part of the process.

Basically, the letter should describe how you think they would be as parents, able to handle the unique challenges of adoption, how you've seen them interact with other children, their personal strengths/weaknesses. You should also note how long you've known the couple and in what capacity (friends, co-workers, etc) You don't have to hammer out a sixteen page paper with footnotes and endnotes, but it should be clear, typewritten (or printed) and reasonably free of grammar and spelling errors.

Good luck

Annie A

I assume you are speaking of a reference letter. I recently wrote one for a friend of mine. Just discuss why you thinkg they would be good parents, the concern or caring you ahve seen them display with children, etc. I also discussed the fact that I am an adoptee, so I was able to use my life experience to shape my answers. Oh, and I talked about how they interact with my kids. I've oncluded some examples below.

jgf5822

make the letter out to them and tell them not to adopt.

Jelly tots

Honesty makes a good letter!! I am sure these people will make great parents, but dont you think the letter should be done by them and from their heart?

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