I just adopted a 4 year old and a 6 year old?

MamaKate

Dear Scared,

Congratulations on your new family members! I hope that everything works out for all of you!

My advice would be to take your time. Kids need to be able to adjust in their own time. Adoption can be little more complicated when it comes to older children.

I disagree a bit with some of the other posters, while it is nice to be able to take kids to fun places occasionally, you do NOT need to spend a fortune on kids to bond with them. Kids can tell when your are trying to "purchase" their affection. It is a very bad habit to start and there are much more sincere methods of forging a healthy bond with children.

The best way to bond with people - especially children, that I know of, is to get to KNOW them. Talk to them. Ask questions. Be open and honest when they ask you questions. Learn who they are and let them learn about you. Find out what they like to do and make yourself available to participate or encourage those activities. Share your hobbies with them and let them see what you like to do. Eat meals together, play family games together, read together. Quality time is something that a child will remember forever and is time well spent.

If you treat them like PEOPLE with respect and compassion, they will reciprocate sooner or later. These are children who are aware of what has happened to them. They might need time to adjust and it is important that you respect their needs and don't push. Let them determine how quickly they want to get close to you - they may have trust issues that will need to be overcome, but if you hang in there and continue to be warm and caring, you'll most likely end up with a hug around the waist and a genuine and unbreakable bond when you least expect it and sooner than you think!

Good luck and best wishes for a happy and healthy future together!

Corn is not dog food! No wheat!

Don't rush it.

It's weird when strangers want to kiss and fondle on you. Let them set the pace for displays of affection.

Talk about what they like (activities, foods, clothing, music, games, etc.) and respond accordingly. Be open, responsive, and aware of their comfort levels.

Hug and cuddle other people.
Depending on their background, they might not have seen people touch. Once they know you're a huggy type person, they'll open up.

Jennifer K

I hope to adopt someday! Kudos to you! I've given birth to two wonderful daughters. When the first was born, it was magic. When the second was born, I panicked because I didn't feel as close to the second one. What I learned through experience, is that bonding takes place over time caring for the child. Take time each day with them, but with normal activities. A few months from now, look back and you will see that a lot of bonding has taken place. It will only get stronger.

LovetheLORDfirst

Patience

Think long-term

Easy does it

Candice A

I agree with what the person before me said , but a really good way to bond with them is to tell them bed time stories and tuck them in at night. u can take them out for icecream, and spend quality time with them

Destiny~

oh tahts nice of you. Just bond with them take then to legoland, zoo, disneyland, chuck-e-cheese anywhere you think you can bond and have fun with them. You should always show your love towards them as much as possible then everything would be better. On chrismas, or just for fun buy them their favorite toy/games/anything they wanted before or wish they could get. Go bike riding. Teach her/him to skate/bycicle/dance/play a certain game/ etc. if they dont know. Show them you care. help them withy our hommework when they need help. Take them out to dinner. talk to them. Telll them you love them/ will care for them/ and if they need any help you'll help them whatsoever. :) well, thats really nice of you for adopting kids. I wish you guys all the best. ;D

Julie R

The smartest thing you can do is try to bond with them as a loving caretaker - not a "mom." They are old enough to know you are not their mother. If things work out well, they may decide to call you "Mom," but don't force it.

I personally do not see the value of taking them somewhere like ChuckECheez. First, bribes will not earn you genuine affection and second, junk food is bad for them and can even cause illness. I also disagree with the christmas present scenario. Again, you cannot buy genuine affection. It also doesn't build respect.

Being there for them - this will be a difficult adjustment and they will need your support. And I mean support - not telling them how they should or shouldn't feel - but by letting them know that you hear them and hopefully understand how they feel.

I do agree with things like bike riding, teaching, playing games, dancing, singing, etc. And making things - working on projects together and letting them contribute in MAJOR ways, not ways that don't matter just because it might not end up perfect.

You can also ask them what they want out of this relationship. You might be surprised what can come out of these young hearts.

mom of many

In our area, unless from another country, the children live with you for 6 months before you adopt them so that they bond before an adoption happens..edit agan I must laugh at the thumbs down as what I said is fact. not opinion

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