I just found out I am a father of a 10 yr old girl who was given up for adoption. How can I connect with her?

Lyra

My advice is to contact the guardians of your daughter first. Try email, or regular mail, and explain your situation as respectfully as you can. Explain that you would like to see her, and ask their permission to visit her. If they say no, then I would go to a lawyer, and see what you can do. Like another said on here, what you can do in one place you might not be able to do in another. The best advice I can give you is to keep a level head. If they say no, as infuriated as you may feel, don't take your anger out on them. Put yourself in their shoes. If they say no, it's only because they want to protect your daughter from potential harm (not saying that you are dangerous), and it isn't likely to be anything personal. I really wish you the best of luck, and I hope everything works out!

Bronwyn

I spent a while researching adoption in Canada for you, but this sentence sums it up best. "Birth fathers rights are complicated and vary from province to province and state to state. So a lot depends on where you live."

I suggest you get some local legal advice.

Torrejon

Unfortunately I cannot advise you about the legalities of your situation because I don't know about the laws in your area. But, I do want to say, as an adoptee, I would have sold my soul to the devil to get contact with my bparents. Don't let anyone dissuade you from what you both want.

mhpbear45

You have some great responses on this page, follow up with the professionally suggested ones, and I will add, don't give up!

The personal side of this, my adopted dad, I wouldn't have traded for a million dollars. But the love of my birth dad was what gave me my voice. She can get something special from both of her dads. Have you talked to your parents or family & friends? Also seek out support groups for this type of event. There is a good community and forum about these issues on the web.

For your own emotional health, seek them out.

Cleopatra

Don't wait until she is 18, both you and your daughter have a right to each other. Contact an attorney to get visitation. When you do meet your daughter - go very very slow and read as much as you can about how you should be around her - in light of her feelings. Remember that your daughter is the child and that her feelings are what matter. All relationships take time to build, be yourself, be honest, and be sensitive to her situation. Go get two books written by Nancy Verrier - they are the best for understanding and helping you through this - as you too will ride the emotional roller coaster. It's hard, prepare yourself - so you can do it right, ok? Good luck.

Books by Nancy Verrier:
1. Coming Home to Self
2. Primal Wound

kitta

First, see an attorney in the province where you live. You will probably have to see an attorney in the province where the adoption took place at some point, or at least find out what the conditions of the adoption were. Attorneys will communicate that.

Your daughter has a relationship with her natural mother so chances are she will want to see you. too. Try to emphasize that you are concerned about her and her well-being and you believe it is good for her to know you.

But, you will have to be very gentle as to how you handle this, even though you were treated unfairly and wrongly from the start.

I wish you well.

JAN

You have rights, see an attorney.

grapesgum

Your daughter needs you. I think that the best course of action is to get legal counsel and have him/her contact the adoptive parents. You do have a right to see your daughter, especially since you never gave your permission for her to be adopted.

It is unlikely that you can disrupt the adoption, however you do NOT have to wait until she is 18 to have a relationship with her.

Nora

this is a question for an attorney

rugby chick

If you take it one day at a time and reassure the mother of your child that you are not looking for custody, you just want the same rights she has and would like to see the child periodically also. If you are thinking you want more then a few visitations here and there, you will have a fight on your hand. You will have to explain why you didn't know she was given up and where you have been all of these years.
I think you have the same rights in regards to visitation as the birth mother, but you should check with an agency up there to find out your rights.
Good luck
BTW
Keep in mind the feelings of your daughter. She has been living with this family who has been raising her, loving her and taking care of her for 10 years now.

cricketlady

At this point you have no rights. It's ten yrs too late for you. You might have the child's mother be a go-through to the child's parents and see if they will allow you to see the child. It is their call now.

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