I just found out that i was adopted and im 20 years old.?

Possum

Oh - you poor thing. I'm not surprised that you're at a loss.
This happens far too often. I'm so sorry that you had to find out this late - and found out in the way you did. Your a-parents should have been honest with you to start with - when you were young.

A couple of places of support on the internet for adoptees -

Late-discovery adoptees - LDA - (yep there is a huge group of them - you are NOT alone) -
http://www.latediscovery.org/

Here's an online support for adoptees (it's great) -
http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php

Here's a great article from Ron Morgan who heads up LDA -
http://www.adopting.org/LDA.html

Again - I'm so sorry. I wish there was more I could say.
*sad*

Edit -
I'm sorry that you've received some really silly & uneducated answers.
You have every right to feel however you feel about this - and at this stage - I'm sure it's ABSOLUTE confusion.
Please don't take any of the comments to heart about not worrying because you were 'chosen' etc.
Finding this out would have turned your world upside down - and those type of comments certainly aren't 'helpful'.
(I know - I'm told often - here - and elsewhere - by others that have NO IDEA what it feels like to be adopted - how to feel.)
Let yourself feel whatever it is that you want to feel.
I hope that you can find some friends in real life that will lend you a shoulder to cry on - and to tell you that they'll stick by you however you feel.
Again - no one has any right to tell you how to feel over this.
Please feel free to contact me through this profile if you want to vent, rant, cry - whatever.
It will be OK - but it's also OK to feel 'anything & everything' over this.

Gershom

I don't understand why so many people fail to reconize the lifetime lying her aparents have done by ommiting a very life changing event in her life. This isn't something ANYONE would take lightly if thy were remotely stable emotionally. This is something HUGE.

It effects not only her life, but the life of her children and their decendants.

A friend of mine runs and operates this site www.latediscovery.org he too is a late discovery adoptee. I am so sorry they weren't honest with you about your beginnings. Right now, but NOBODY first, but YOU.

come on over to http://www.adultadoptees.org as well and join us for some support.

Elizabeth

Please do NOT listen to anyone who tells you that it doesn't matter. This is your life!

I think it is absolutely disgusting what your adopters did, there is simply no excuse for it. They were not looking out for your best interests, they were only thinking of themselves.

I wish you the best of luck in finding your real family.

Doodlestuff

I guess you'll have to gnaw on that for awhile. Says something about your a-parents though. And it is not so nice.

My Mom had a friend that found out she was adopted after the death of her a-parents. The adoption was illegal and the bio siblings had tried to have her ousted out of the will because she was not a 'member of the family'. Fortunately, the judge was very compassionate and gave her the entire estate (she was the caretaker for her non-a-parents).

a healing adoptee

Well, first thing first. Please talk to your adoptive parents. Don't shut them out. Express to them how you feel and ask why they kept this from you so long. Keep the doors of communication open, it will help both you and your parents to get past whatever feelings that are going on right now. Second please find a support group either in your local area or on the internet. I don't remember them off hand, but I'm sure Sunny, Heather or Possum and others may have those links. Third find a close friend that you can talk too also, especially about certain feelings you may not be able to share with your parents yet. Then if sometime in the future if you feel ready, I would search for your birth parents. I mean for any questions you might have concerning why you were given up, but also too for any medical information that could be helpful to you. I'm sorry for the way that you were told, it being so late. I couldn't even imagine on how you must feel. My parents were always open and honest with me regarding my adoption. So, I feel really bad you found out this way.

Patti_Ja

I was 15 when I found out...welcome to the world of OMG

LaurieDB

If you've got a relationship with your adoptive parents that is conducive to communication, then certainly you will want to discuss this with them. I imagine you have many questions for them. It will be important to try to have an openness about your adoption now.

I'm glad a few people have pointed you toward the late discovery adoptee websites. Most importantly at this point is knowing that you will feel what you feel. Please don't let anyone tell you what to think or not think, or how you "should" or "shouldn't" feel. They aren't you and they aren't in your shoes. If you feel you need more than just online support groups, perhaps you can seek counseling to discuss the issues.

I would just like to add as a general sideline that as an adopted citizen, I am truly concerned when people say things like, "They had a reason." Every one has "a reason" for everything they do. Having "a reason" is no justification. I don't know you or your adoptive parents, or anything about your relationship, but I'm very sorry that there was this big secret in it. Secrecy is never a good idea, as every one is entitled to the truth. People who suggest that someone may not be able to "handle" the truth are really demeaning that person's capabilities by making that assumption and then acting on it by withholding the truth.

kaluah96

wow i'm sorry. i found out when i was 12. it gives you this completely lost feeling like a then who am i? like all of a sudden you realize you've been on ed tv.
all i can say is breath. try to take it one thought at the time. talk to your parents, not in anger (you may be very angry and you have a right to be but it will only make a bad situation worse), and get as much information as you can.
My heart goes out to you. especially so close to christmas. if you ever need to talk you can e-mail me.

Texas Tunesmith

This happened to my wife at 36. Her adopted mother was dying of Alzheimer's, and I was going through her paperwork getting her affairs in order when I found the adoption decree. My heart absolutely stopped because nobody had ever told her.

We found her family, and it has changed her life forever. You are fortunate to find out so soon. If you do get reunited, the older people will still be around. There are so many possibilities. I know you are totally weirded out right now. Your identity has been stripped and it will be awhile before you know who you are again. Even though my wife's reunion was an absolute fairy-tale, she still cries sometimes and gets overwhelmed by "the whole adoption thing."

I will give you a little something to hang onto: "You are who you are." Your identity is a combination of your life experiences and your genes. They cannot be separated or changed. You cannot go back and be someone else, and you may not even want to. You are not a different person today. You are just learning more about your past and your biological make-up.

I would enthusiastically encourage you to search for your birthfamily. Your parents could be anything. They may be very nice or very bad people, but whoever they are, you are still the same you. That will never change. It is a lonely place to be right now, but it gets lots better. You are going to have a much more colorful life because of this. Enjoy the ride because it is a freaking highway.

If you want to email me see my profile.

kidmindi

I found out by accident when I was 9. It rocks your world for awhile but you will adjust. Are your adoptive parents still alive? If so sit down and talk to them.

Don't be afraid to get some counseling if you continue to be upset by it all.

Miranda T

A great (and free) resource helping people searching for their biological parents and family is http://www.findmybiologicalparents.com They also offer a free registry.

penyjudy

Your parents still love you but I still think they should have told you early ,not when you are 20 years old already .

Jule B

don't worry, i am not adopted but my parents left me with my grand mother (in Macedonia, here i live )and they went to USA to work and to get beck.i was 3 years old, now i am 25, and i have never seen my father since than, and my mother came to my wedding, and i felt that i am glad that she was not around me, because that person is the most terrible person i know in my life.they are separated now and that don't hurts me at all. i had a great childhood, and a great education and loving grandparents and family that made me a good person and i don't regret for anything. now when i have a doter i just feel more hate for my parents because i could never live her for chasing a dream of money.that is my case, but I'm sure hat someone who left you is not worded.if the women who left you is alive, than i think that there is no excuse for doing that.live your live, and respect the people who were with you all the time, you will find out that your live doesn't depends on your childhood or on the past.you will create your own life and make it sure that will be the life that you will feel best living it!

Linda S

Well in the olden days they did not tell such things.... My brother decided to get married and realized when he was prsented his birth certificate that dad had adoped him......well I do not think it was a big deal to him but others may be just devistated/

Allyson

Wow-- amazing shock, I'm sure. I can't imagine finding that out so suddenly. Do you have siblings? Are they adopted too?

I am adopted. It is a great thing, something you should be proud of-- normal pregnancy is great too, but you were specifically chosen by your parents. They are still your parents, no matter what, and the birth parents that gave you up surely had a good reason. Never let this change your love for your parents; it may change your sense of identity, which is fine because it is a different way to view life, but don't let it change you.

It will take some getting used to, but be strong.

If you have further questions about being adopted, please post them and I'll try to check.

ptnsai w

Lot's of people go trow that,you will be all-rite !! ,I Meat my mom, at age 38, you will be ok ,promes!!!. good Luck.

panda7504

Yahoo Answers definetly is not the place to try and get help for your feelings. Go to a friend

Florence B

20 years ago, adoption laws were such that many records were sealed. Common thought was that adoption was one of those topics one didnt discuss. I have an adopted child. She is 6. At first I thought I was be open about her adoption with her, but then I realized how difficult it is growing up. I didn't want to add more confusion. Perhaps your parents meant to tell you sooner, like perhaps when you were 13 or 16 but you were going thru issues. Your parents are people too, and they must be just as distressed as you are but for different reasons. Know they love you. They want(ed) what's best for you. People that adopt have a lot of love to give. Don't hold it against them. Find out your medical history. Don't forget mental medical history, also. You are very special to your parents, to both sets. How difficult it must have been to give you up. How distressing for your parents, to see you in so much distress. You are 20, you are a mature woman, not an angry, confused adolescent. Go forward now. You are loved and special to so many people. Good Luck. I am rooting for you.

Miss R

wow that must be a big shock! just know that your parents, adopted or not, love you unconditionally and i really consider it a great blessing to be adopted. not that it can be easy to understand but youll be ok. i have a few friends that were adotped and when they found out it was a huge shock but they survived it and so will you. its natural to have questions and wonder about things, make sure you talk to your parents about it to get clarification on things they may know. good luck!

elvinchic323

This must be shocking for you. My adivce is to give it a little while to sink in. Don't get mad at your parents, you can tell them you found the file, but don't yell or confront them. they were trying to protect you and keep you happy. Please also tell your parents you love them just as much as you did before, and mean it too. they wanted what was best for you, and still do!

Chad

I'm not sure what your question is but I do find it interesting you snooped thru their personal files.

Rae

It must be really hard on you. Just remember that the people who raised did it because they really do love you. Don't block them out or be angry... this can be hard, but at least they told you... rather late, but they did. It was a hard decision on them. Now you can decide whether or not to persue looking for your family, but way the consequences before doing so. Things aren't always as they seem, or as we want them. Good luck, you are in my prayers. Everything will be fine, just hard to deal with at first.

nurse_trung

Some parents choose to wait while others tell immediately. Evidently you had the prior. They probably assumed it's in your best interest to wait till you were old enough to decide what you wanted to do with the information. Question now is what do you want to do with it? You can choose to find out who your biological parents are and find out more about where you hail from. You can opt to not find out and accept your adopted parents as your true parents. Or you can be angry at the world and become a miserable person. I personally think the more you know the better. :)

babey

i found out when i was very young mabey ur parents never told u because they though u would love them differently dont be mad it will be ok

bunnie <3

it's okay to be adaopted because no matter what, you're still the same person.

faesson

its got its good side... my family reunions are the biggest collection of ugly in the whole world.

every time i look in a mirror, i think... hey, am i fooling myself that i look good?

(really serious here, some of my relatives live under bridges and complain about billygoats)

SPAM!

I know, it's hard. Just ask your parents that adopted you about it and if they could tell you more. i was at a friends house when she found out that she was adopted because we were going through a box and found an unopened letter that her real mom had sent her, and she had never read it. when she read it , she was crying because she never knew. so just understand that they didn't tell you for a reason.

melissa

so, does it make difference? your parents must of had a reason not to tell you, be gentle with them, as hard as it was for you to find out, it will be harder for them to deal with it...give them a break,

k0conutz

its a big thing...but doesnt really matters...if the people around you still loves you..its not important who gives the birth..but it is important..who take the responsibility..!!

jsfnita

You are lucky to have such loving parents. You know they love you like their own child, and they just didn't want you to feel like you weren't part of their family. Now that you know, you should talk to them. Just let them know you still love them because they will be heartbroken if you feel like you aren't their child.

Spike

that is horrible, i would try to contact my parents, and i would be greatful i at least had someone who loved me and took care of me

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