I need help with my daughter?

Adair

Shadow,
I am adopted and I adopted a son myself. He is 7 years old. I used the same method that my mom did. I have never hidden his adoption from him. Being adopted makes you a special person. I told my son that he did not come from my belly but he came from my heart. I told him that I asked Jesus for a child and he gave me the best one in the world and he is my "special baby". If you hide this from your daughter it will only make her wonder if you hid anything else from her. She is at a magical age where you can make it her life story of how you really wanted her. Let her know how much love is involved in adoption. We are the special children we are wanted. Good Luck

elvisjohn

no use hiding..it will only create problemss....jus tell her & never stop loving her

Regina L

Tell her about it. Start with simple things.... My son's story is

"Momma and Daddy wanted a Baby to love. Your Momma A... had a baby and could not take care of you. She loved you so much she found Daddy and I to be your Parents". Answer her questions. Tell her simple things about Honduras. We tell our son about Guatemala:
"Oh it is so lovely there with colors all around and pretty flowers! It smells sweet and the people where clothes with every color in the rainbow."
It will help her! We tell our son about his sister's adoption. I have read tons of books and they all say tell them all along so it is not percieved as a deception or an ugly secret. Tell her she should be proud to be part of such a unique and special family and that you are proud to have such unique children. Good Luck!!

Cheryl C

I was adopted and found out when I was a little bit older from some kid on my bus. It hurt hearing it from someone other than my parents. I would tell her she is adopted. Make is special, tell her she was chosen, and people that have children dont get to choose their child. I would also involve her in the adoption of her new little brother or sister. It will make her feel grown up and important. Good luck and bless you for doing such a wonderful thing.

Meme

I am a librarian.......at some point reading Jamie Lee Curtis' book "Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born" would be a good move. Here is a summary>>>>>

Tell me again about the night I was born . . Tell me again how you would adopt me and be my parents... Tell me again about the first time you held me in your arms . .

In asking her mother and father to tell her again about the night of her birth, a young girl shows that it is a cherished tale she knows by heart.

Jamie Lee Curtis and Laura Cornell come together once again to create a unique celebration of the love and joy a baby brings into the world. Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born is a heartwarming story, not only of how one child is born but of how a family is born.

Martha

It is not to early to tell her! The more of a non-issue you make of it, the more of a non-issue it will be!

If you don't want to tell her, examine your heart to find out why that is. I can't have biological children, and know that there is a stigma to adoption. That stigma is WRONG! We don't have to be trapped by it! Listen to the nice librarian and the others who have made great suggestions of books to read to her. Her birth should be as celebrated as any biological child, if not more!!! You got to choose her! What a wonderful thing!

Counseling is a wonderful thing, too. Find someone you can trust and go over those issues that you have that make you want to keep her adoption from her. Are you afraid that she won't love you as much? Because that couldn't be further from the truth. She will resent it, however, if you make it into something that you had to hide from her and have a big reveal once she is old enough.

A big part of early childhood is knowing your story. It should be one of the first stories you know. Write hers down and tell it to her while she is playing in the bathtub. Then tell her again everytime she asks.

It's time, Mom!!!

Will

I can tell you this I'm adopted and have known it for as long as I can remember. I have a sister that is 4 years younger than I and also adopted. My parents did include me basically in what was going on, and to me at 4 it was no big deal I just knew that I was getting a baby sister. As for the birds and bees I don't even remember how that was discussed.

LiLiJo

A friend of mines daughter is now five yrs. old. She has a special scrapbook that is "Her Story" It is similiar to a baby book, but is based on her adoption story. She loves this book so much, it is the first thing she will show you when you visit her house! She feels so special because her Mommy picked her. My little girl was actually jealous and wanted to know why she couldn't be adopted too! :) I would do something similar for your daughter and then include her in the process of doing the same thing if you adopt again. Good luck to your family! <3

rachael

tell her,now. i have always known and i think we all come to a point where we have an issue with it, like around 13-15. thats when it all sinks in, or at least it did for me. it didnt take long for me to figure out it wasnt my problem, that i was ok

i cant even imagine just finding out one day. i met a young girl on here several months ago and she had just found out and was crushed. she doubted who and what she was, even the love of her parents seemed tainted to her. i was so sad for her. she truly felt the rug had been pulled out from under her. she is doing better now, we still email each other, i think it helped to find another adoptee to vent to

i dont believe there is ever a time they are too young, they need to know. good luck to you i wish you the best

greensock

It's not too early to tell her. Tell her now in a way that will make her proud of where she comes from. And let her be a part of her new little brother or sister's adoption. Maybe let her pick out a toy or something special to give the baby when he or she comes.

Janice 10

Your daughter is old enough to understand being adoption, she was grown in another Mommiy's tummy and grown in her Mommies heart! Yes, include your daughter in the adoption process, it will bring all of you including the new child closer together and have a stronger bond. Best Wishes and God Bless!

Still Me

Unfortunately, she should already know. You start that process from day one. But now, you can begin.

Tell her about all kinds of families -- one's with one parent, some with two, some with children in foster care, some who come home through adoption. Her birthmother loved her but could not take care of a baby so you are, and you always will.

That simple for a 4 year old.

Then when she asks questions, like -- where is she? Don't go into long drawn out stories. Just answer her questions and leave it at that.

"I don't know."
"I think she lives in ____________. "

Once the adoption is a sure thing, involve her! And start talking about adoption in your family. Read some good adoption books -- such as anything written by Lois Melina!

Other adoptive parents -- talk about adoption from day one.

"I am so glad we adopted you!"
"You have such beautiful brown eyes like your birthmother."
"I am so glad your birthmother Mary wanted us to be your parents."

By the time they start to understand the words, they will know that LOVE is associated with their adoption! They will hear it in your voices, see it in your eyes, and see it on your faces!

Red

It's not too early. In fact at age 4 it's too late. You should have been telling her her own adoption story all along, making it a positive and truthful part of her identity. Use the adoption of your next child as a teaching tool for Phoenix. Tell her exactly what you're doing, in an age-appropriate manner, and tell her how it compares to how she came into your family.

NONAME

first tell her the ways babies are born, help her understand. then explain to her that some mommies cant have babies like that, so they go to a special baby store. and they get to pick out a baby. and yes, at the same time, explain to her that she was adopted. at the special baby store. because you will have alot of explaining to do if you bring home a baby that didnt come from your belly. that is how a friend of mine explained to all her adopted kids. she told them she went and adopted them from the special baby store. when they were young, they told everybody about the special baby store. we always laughed when people asked what it was. hope this helps.

Billy PJ

First, you should go to Germany and adopt another child. Then, take both your children to Disney World and let them meet Goofy. Goofy is a well-known environmental activist, orthapedist, and scientist. He'll know what to do.

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