I need some help with an Adoption project in my Human Development Course. Can you fill out my questionaire?

JennaBear

GENDER: female

AGE: 22-34

AT WHAT AGE WERE YOU ADOPTED? 3 days (though it was finalized at 6 months)

WAS YOUR ADOPTION OPEN OR CLOSED? semi-open (contact by letters/pictures/gifts, but no identifying information)

IF OPEN, DID YOUR ADOPTIVE PARENTS KEEP IN TOUCH WITH YOUR BIRTHMOTHER THROUGHOUT YOUR GROWTH? they sent a letter at least once a year

WERE YOU IN FOSTER CARE? IF SO, HOW LONG? yes, for one night.

WHEN WERE YOU TOLD YOU WERE ADOPTED AND WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST REACTION? (PLEASE USE ACTION VERBS)

I don't remember, I was always told, but don't remember a specific reaction.

COMPARED TO YOUR NON-ADOPTED PEERS WHAT EFFECT DID ADOPTION HAVE ON YOU DURING EACH STAGE OF LIFE? PLEASE BE SPECIFIC WITH EXAMPLES.
MIDDLE SCHOOL AGE (6-12) It was very hard to be adopted in school, because it meant that I was "different." Classmates used to come up and ask me "are you going to run away and find your real mom?" Even adults would ask why I was so tall and didn't look like my family. I also was curious about my adoption, but didn't always feel comfortable talking about it with my parents and really had nobody else to talk to about it. Birthdays were especially hard (and have only gotten easier now that I am reunited).
EARLY ADOLESCENCE (12-18) I was so confused and wondered "who am i?" a lot during adolescence. I still didn't have anyone that I felt comfortable talking about adoption with, and was afraid of turning 18 and knowing I had the choice to contact my family if I wanted. I wrote about adoption a lot in my journal and tried talking to some friends, but got the 'grateful' line a lot...people didn't want me to talk about being confused.
LATER ADOLESCENCE (18-22) I tried to not to think about being adopted during this time, but I would get very emotional around my birthday as it made me think about being adopted and the choice I had to make about contacting my n-family.
EARLY ADULTHOOD (22-34) Adoption became especially confusing once I began seriously dating my husband. All sorts of attachment/abandonment issues came up and I found myself very focused on adoption. During this time I found both sides of my n-family and have since reunited with them.

OVERALL, HOW HAS ADOPTION AFFECTED YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS? HAS IT AFFECTED YOUR RELATIONSHIPS? I am terrified of abandonment, I don't feel like I fully belong anywhere, I don't have a solid sense of who I am and am constantly trying to please people by being who they want me to be. Adoption affects most relationships I have, especially the one with my husband, as he is the one I talk to most about all of the issues that I go through.

HAVE YOU FOUND YOUR BIRTHFAMILY? IF SO, HOW DO YOU THINK FINDING THEM WILL HAVE OR HAD AN IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE?

I have found my natural family and have felt that it definitely gives me a better sense of who I am. For the first time I feel like I was born, rather than just showed up on my parents' doorsteps. I now feel good about what I look like, as I can look at my n-dad and see the male version of my face.

durdenslabs

Male

22-34

2 months of age

Closed

Yes. 1 family, 2 months.

I was about 13. Didn't care.

No effect whatsoever that I can think of.

It hasn't. Nope.

I am in the process of getting in contact with them after 34 years with my Adoptive parents. I only did a non-ID to find out about medical history, then I got curious. I wanted to know if bio-mom was still alive, if I had any brothers or sisters and if there was any other medical info I should know about. I contacted GA Adoption Reunion Registry, found out she still lives in GA, she's married, and I have a 32 yr old brother. Have to wait til papers are signed and returned before any other contact can be made.

Sand Dollar

GENDER: female

AGE: , 34-60

AT WHAT AGE WERE YOU ADOPTED? 4 days

WAS YOUR ADOPTION OPEN OR CLOSED? closed

WERE YOU IN FOSTER CARE? IF SO, HOW LONG? 2 days

WHEN WERE YOU TOLD YOU WERE ADOPTED AND WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST REACTION? (PLEASE USE ACTION VERBS) I was told from the day they brought me home. I just always knew.

COMPARED TO YOUR NON-ADOPTED PEERS WHAT EFFECT DID ADOPTION HAVE ON YOU DURING EACH STAGE OF LIFE? PLEASE BE SPECIFIC WITH EXAMPLES.
MIDDLE SCHOOL AGE (6-12) felt at times I didn't belong
EARLY ADOLESCENCE (12-18) rejection factor set in
LATER ADOLESCENCE (18-22) rejection factor grew larger why was I not loved?
EARLY ADULTHOOD (22-34) had my first child and realized how hard it would have been to give a baby up for adoption and realized I was loved!
MIDDLE ADULTHOOD (34-60) finally have peace about the whole thing

OVERALL, HOW HAS ADOPTION AFFECTED YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS? HAS IT AFFECTED YOUR RELATIONSHIPS? Overall, I think it gives me more compassion for others. I see young moms and would rather help them, then criticize them for their decisions. It affected my trust with others, it is a lot harder for people to earn trust with me. I am fearful of being rejected at times.

HAVE YOU FOUND YOUR BIRTHFAMILY? IF SO, HOW DO YOU THINK FINDING THEM WILL HAVE OR HAD AN IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE? Yes, just in the last few years. It has been so neat to look at someone and see who you look like. We act alike, like the same things, do the same things....it has brought an amazing joy and peace to my heart. Before I felt like I had a swiss cheese heart and now those holes are being filled and it is wonderful. To know your mom always loved you and to hear it is a very healing process.

Cambria

Just wanted to let you know, I am answering your questionnaire, but I want to put some thought into it first and my answers were getting really long, so I will be emailing you the answers if that is okay with you.

*Milo's Mommy*

GENDER: Female

AGE: 23

AT WHAT AGE WERE YOU ADOPTED? 3 Months old

It was an open adoption, my mother was around, but she decided she would have 4 other childern after me so she was to busy with my half brothers

I was not in foster care because my grandmoter adopted me

I just always knew, I guess they must have told me when I was really little, and really don't remember.

My mother was 18 when I was born so she decided to give me up for adoption and my grandmother wouldn't let me go to a stranger, so even though my grandmother was 2 months pregnant with my younger aunt (Sister) she still took me in, so I was rasied with my grandmother, step grandfather and my younger aunt as my sister. My step grandfather always treated my sister better then me because she was his only blood child, when something got broke, I was the one spanked, I was always the one getting yelled at, I was the one that always got told I wasn't good enough, which made me grow up faster then a lot of kids. When 2nd grade was over my grandparents decided to home school me and my sister, by the time I was going into 7th grade we talked them into letting us go back to pulic school because we didn't have any friends. Going trough everything my step grandfather put me through and my birth mother knowing that I was truly unhappy, made me so confused and upset that she went off and had 4 more childern, and never even tried to save me. By the time I was 13 I convinced my mother to take me in, I slept in a hallway because she didn't have room for me.. and she didn't want "her" boys to share a room.. that's how she talks about my brothers.
She talked down to me just like my grandfather did, and really made me feel like I wasn't really her child. The day high school was over I moved out. I'm still very close to my grandmother, she is my real mom in my eyes. To this day my mother isn't even there for her grandson. She tells everyone she is but really isn't. The only time she really calls me is when she needs something from me.
Sometimes I wish it was a closed adoption, or that my grandmother never let my mother in my life, I think I would have been happier without her.

coastal

I am a Female and will be 46 this Oct .I was adopted at 2 weeks old and it was a closed adoption (private) Never in foster care.I was about 8 when I walked up on a conversation between my adoptive parents and the neighbors. When they saw me, my 'mom' said they were walking one day and an egg fell out of a nest and they brought it home and when it hatched, they had me. My first reaction was I want my real mom,even if she was a buzzard, then it was I dont belong here and acted out so they would get rid of me but that just got me shuffled to different relatives. When I was in 4th grade, I changed my last name on my school papers to a name I saw on the back of a guidepost mag. I wrote Casey Casum (Top 40) by the time I was 12 to seek advice.When I was 15, I was faking calls to the house,'from 'my 'real' mother . My 'family' just wants to shut me up, my 'mom' physically and mentally abused me sinse I was about 3, told me how stupid I was (didnt know about dylexia in the 70's)Became pregnant at 16 so I could have a blood relative to love. Became pregnant again and gave him up 20 years and 1 day after I was born and given up.My oldest daughter found him 3 years ago and he is really dissapointed that I gave him up so easily..if he only knew how hard it really is to live with myself.Have sinse found out about illegal adoptions and 'misplaced' records and a dr in Tampa FL who was known for setting up adoptions for people who wouldnt otherwise qualify,I even have a pic of the man who traveled with my 'dad' from TX to Fl to pick me up. My older brother is adopted thru the same ways, he is 2 months and 11 days older. When the call came it was a boy when they got there, so they let my folks get a girl(me) later. He said its his real moms loss and wont talk about it unless I can find my mother without concerning him.He even took my documents once in false pretense, just to shut me up and make me think he was working on it. I had to travel from MI to TX to get them back. Only my girls are my family because the brothers are estranged because of my desire to find this woman . At this point in my life,if I were to find her,I would hope it would heal the abandoned baby and let the child grow up.I would like to know if she really was a school teacher who had an affair with a Cuban banker and was abandoned, needing her job, she starved herself ( and me) causing a little brain damage, and did she hold me before she sent me out into this world and did she think of me every Oct 6 cause all I've ever wanted for my birthday was a hug from my mom

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: