I need some help with wording a note.?

My husband recently found out he has two older siblings that his mother placed for adoption 40+ years ago. He has reunited with his sister. It's great. They have been looking for the oldest brother and just found him. That hasn't gone as well. He has some problems and run ins with the law. My sil is very disapointed and I would like to write her a note or e-mail expressing my condolences that it wasn't as she had hoped.
If anyone has any suggestions to make her feel better I would really appreciate it. Thanks

Possum

Empathize with her - say that you're sorry that it has worked out not how it was planned or hoped for.
(There is no definitive book on adoption reunion - it varies widely for everyone - but ultimately you're dealing with messed up people - that sometimes didn't fare too well with being given away to adoption. Some went to abusive homes - while others did much better. Deep down - adoptees feel that they were abandoned - and some times they just never get over that.)
Things like - of course she must feel sad/hurt/angry/confused (fit whatever works) - and she has every right to feel that way.
Say that you and your husband are not going anywhere - to assure her that you're going to stay in touch.
(adoptees are always scared that they'll be abandoned again)
Say that maybe one day he may come around - but maybe he won't - he just has to deal with his own pain - but he may never come around (but you can always hope).
Say that some peeps are just so messed up by adoption - that they just never get over it.
(guys sometimes deal with adoption way differently than girls)
It will help her to know that you're trying to understand her grief - and you're trying to show understanding.
(it's THE hardest thing when no one understands what this stuff really feels like - not that anyone who hasn't been adopted can really ever know - but it's nice when people at least try - you know?!)

I wish you all the best.

ANOTHER BOY!!! EDD 12*31*08

Just be honest and tell her your not sure what to say but you are thinking about her and hoping her the best.

Crucio

You just say your sorry that it did not work out the way she had hoped. There is really nothing else to say , this are risks of finding lost kin. Its not always the peachy fairy tale one may have dreamed it would be. There is probably not much you can say that will make her feel better she just need to come to terms with this herself. Just let her know your there for her if she needs an ear to listen too.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: