I need your help again, I must tell something difficult to my 14 year old child?
Find answers to your legal question.
I need your help again, I must tell something difficult to my 14 year old child?
|
This has been a busy morning, I need some advice so please bare with me.
My husband's mother lost custody of her minor children for criminal negligence 7 years ago. We have legal and physical custody of one of them.
For the last 3 years my husband and I have been considering adopting him. The only reason we haven't done it is because my mother in law refuses to consent to terminate her rights.
However, yesterday my husband's mother came to talk to me at work and offered to sign the papers in exchange of money. I know this is blackmail.
This morning I contacted our social worker and he said that if we could get proof of what had happened they would handle the termination of rights in court for us. My husband went to his mother with a tape recorder and got everything recorded, he just called me.
I am so hopeful and positive but now I also feel awful for my child. He wants to be adopted but I'm sure he doesn't want to know his mother tried to exchange him for money. He will definitely ask us why we're able to go ahead with the process.
How do I explain? which words do I use? I will not say anything until the social worker hears the recording and says its usable in court.
Additional Details
If I could I wouldn't say anything at all.
However, not telling him why is not an option. He is a sharp and inquisitive young man who knows the kind of woman his mother is very well. A simple "guess what?! we can finally adopt you" is not going to cut it for him. He simply won't let us play dumb.
|
 
|
Corn is not dog food! No wheat!
|
Secrets never stay secret.
Eventually, this will come out. It's better to hear it from you NOW than to hear it later.
How would you feel if he found out in a really negative way. Like, say, "mommy dearest" screams it at him in a rage?
Or
He over hears someone else talking about it, or someone "lets it slip". That would be horrible.
I'm always a fan of truth.
Sit him down, say you have some good news and some bad news.
Remind him that his mother can't help being the way she is, and it's no reflection on him, his life, or his future.
Tell him the adoption can go ahead.
Tell him his mother made an upsetting mistake, and let him know she tried to get money for him.
Tell him that you love him.
Tell him you're so happy to have him in your family.
Tell him that his mother doesn't know what she's missing.
Good luck |
|
sixgun
|
I don't think he needs to know that money was exchanged.
If, for some reason he does need to know, then it will be obvious that you love him so much you would have given away your house and your car and your left kidney to have the privilege of raising him and being a "real" family.
Present the whole thing like it is the best news ever. |
|
Ghira
|
If the child is 14, and has been privy to that kind of lifestyle, he may be able to comprehend what's going on, but may not have the ability to understand because of his age/maturity.
That said, I'd use blanket statements and drill down to comprehend his reasoning level because you need to know where he's coming from to help. Start with questions like "Your mom is unable to financially care for you and you're coming to live with us" opens the dialogue. If he continues to ask, follow up with "How do you feel about that?" "Do you want to live with us?" "Tell us/me how you feel." etc.) until the teen stops asking questions.
Just be open and loving, because sometimes a good heart (if he knows the truth and just wants support and to be heard) is really all they want.
Good luck and blessings. |
|
Bella's Mommy/Texas/Christia
 |
I don't think you should say any thing bad about his mom. When he gets older he will figure it out himself. Just let him know that you are adopting him. |
|
BLW_KAM
|
Corn's answer about is absolutely perfect. I agree with her wholeheartedly. |
|
LovetheLORDfirst
|
First, don't say anything until it is final, if it becomes final. Second, just tell the truth, leaving out as much unnescessary detail as possible. I'm sure she had more of a story when she asked you for money than just asking for money. If you are letting her have visits, I'm sure she figures it is just a legality anyway. You want to minimize the possibility of it hurting your son more than necessary.
Hope this helps a little. God bless! Pray! |
|
|
|
|
|
 Is China adoption for girls coming to an halt? |
I've heard they made their law harder to adopt a baby girl, from my sister who wants to adopt, is it because they realized there are an imbalance of population between men and women?
A... |
|
 How long is the waiting list for an adoption of an older child? |
| I am looking to adopt a 3 or 4 year old white girl from America. Does any one know about how long the waiting list is?... |
|
 Adult Adopted People: How Does an A-Mom Face All of This and Give her children her best? |
Okay, First off I will be seeing my daughters Shrink today for an emergency appointment...Not for her but for myself.... Just so that anyone knows this first....
I am so filled with Grief ... |
|
 My mom is adopted, lately we have been talking about search for her birth parents, where do we begin looking? |
| We have looked at a few websites but have found nothing but dead ends. Pluss we don't have a ton of money to be paying all these so called "Family finders" money to maybe find her ... |
|
 Adoption for Chinese people...? |
| I am aware of the one child law in china but what if your a chinese citizen and you want to adopt a child. Are they allowed to adopt as many kids as they like? I am not chinese just curious about ... |
|
 Why do people blindly think that a child must be an "orphan" to be adoptable? |
Additional Details
There are other reasons that natural parents have for not wanting to "parent" their child(ren).... |
|
 Anyone adopted a child from Africa? |
| Want to share your experience? My husband and I adopted our son through the foster care system two years ago and are considering adopting from Africa sometime in the future. I'd love to hear ... |
|
 Abandoned children in Nebraska.? |
| Here is an article about the Nebraska Safe-Haven Law and another abandoned older child. (Nebraska's law never stated the age of the child) Do you think the parents should be prosecuted for ... |
|
 Has anyone adopted before? |
| What happens when you go to adopt a child and what do you need to be able to adopt?- (how old do you need to be? etc)... |
|
 Do you know about open adoption? |
| i have been "openly adopted" which is a form of adoption which is very rare. i've completly got my head around the concept and have done for years, however im interested to see what ... |
|
 If parental rights are terminated? |
| If a child is removed from the custody of the parents and reunification is unsuccessful and the child is going to be given up for adoption does the family that adopts the child usually live in the ... |
|
 This Is A Question For Anyone Who's Adopted A Kid.? |
Me And My Husband Want Information For The Process Of Adopting A Kid.
Did you have to pay anything to get the baby/kid?
How long do you have to wait till you get the baby/kid?
D... |
|
 How can I get adoption papers for my husband to adopt my son? |
| What is the process? The childs biological father isn't involved, I have no contact with him. No hear no see ever! He pays child support only because it is garnished wages, and moves jobs alot! M... |
|
 I noticed ? about finding a child u gave up for adoption..I am in the same boat u need help w leads email me? |
| I did not know where to turn. The first thing I did was request my medical records from the hospital where I gave birth. One the records it had the name of the adoption agency used. I then went from ... |
|
 Question for Adoptees in Reunion? |
| How long did it take you to find your birthparents? Were they looking for you? waiting for you to find them? or did they not want to be found?... |
|
 What are the requirements for adopting a baby? |
| my husband and i are talking about adopting. how expensive is it and what are the requirements?... |
|
 Financial assistance for adoption? |
| My 19 year old sister is 4 months pregnant and she recently decided she cannot raise the child. She asked me if I could raise it, but I have 3 kids of my own and we are living off of only one income ... |
|
 My grandma is my mothers sister, and my aunt.? |
| My great grandma addopted her when she was 3. Isnt that strange?... |
|
|
No Spam
Adult 
Gambling
Unfinished
Deception
Plagiarism
Not English
