I put a child for adoption ....?

MamaKate

Has it ever occurred to you that YOUR child that YOU placed might see your adopting another child as a SLAP IN THE FACE?

How would you feel if you found out that your mother couldn't parent YOU but went to the lengths of pushing her new partner to raise SOMEONE ELSE'S child?

You, yourself have felt the pain of losing a child to adoption and you want to inflict that pain on another woman? Ugh. It won't heal you at all. It will only spread the pain to another family.

If you want to "heal" then do something to HELP a child STAY with their family. It will be healing someone else and you might be surprised at how healing it is for you to know that you have PREVENTED pain rather than contributing to it.

Felicita1

Adopting a child wont' "heal" you. An adopted child won't substitute for the one you surrendered. No more than giving birth to a child will "heal" you and likely a lot less as you will be raising someone else's child who is not related to you and there are a ton of issues in raising an adopted child.

I think you should seek counseling for your pain, not adopt a child to try to put a bandaid on it.

DevonChaos

Adopting a baby isn't going to heal the hole inside you from losing your first child to adoption. You cannot give a baby a job like that. No child can replace another child. You need to mourn appropriately for the lost child before you can make a proper decision on your future.

Some people do not want to adopt. That is fine, they shouldn't be forced to. If this is a deal breaker for you, its best you find out now, than finding out after the wedding. This is something you need to talk about, and seek advice about as a couple.

Remember, no child can replace the one you gave away.

sunny

My thoughts?

They cannot be articulated here, without being deleted, you see, profanity is frowned on here on Y!A.

You will never be healed from giving a child away. Ever. And your child will never be healed from your giving her away.

If you ever hope to have a relationship with your daughter in the future, or you care in the slightest about their feelings or well-being--you will not adopt a child after giving your own flesh and blood away to strangers.

Or you could just drive a steak through your daughter's heart to spare her the pain you plan on inflicting--it'd be quicker, AND kinder.

cantstopLinnyG

Not to be insensitive, but to adopt a child BECAUSE you relinquished makes no sense. The child you gave up is suffering, but you want to make another suffer too? Yeah, you're being selfish.

Adopting a child isn't going to heal you. Nothing will. Therapy and meeting the child you relinquished will help, though.

matkaantytto

A lot of people thinking they won't love an adopted child as much as a biological child. All of them say "it's just not right for me." I am 100% sure that NONE of them know what they are talking about. For all the people who ended up -rather grumpily- adopting a child b/c their spouse wanted to, they ended up loving that child just as much as their biological children.

If you really want to adopt a baby, you need to think about your engagement.

the pocket otter

Ask him why he's not happy about it. Sit down and both of you talk about the issue - explain to him why you'd like to, assure him that you want his kids as well, just communicate.

bill

Good for you for doing the right thing for your baby. Every baby has the right to a loving and stable home. And good for you if you yourself decide to adopt now that you are able to provide that! (No you're not being selfish). Maybe the idea will grow on your fiancee after a while. Maybe get him some information on adoption, just leave it where he can look at it on his own free will. Don't give up though, there are many beautiful children in the world that are waiting for a loving family. Good luck with yours.

starryeyed

I also put a child up for adoption for similar reason's , I have had two children since and I plan on adopting another, I think it is a wonderful thing you have done and would like to do. Ask him why he feels that adoption isn't right for him. Explain to him about need for unwanted children to have a stable family and the love you believe both of you can give to a adoptive child. I think if you two talk about it some more he will see how wonderful it truly is to adopt.

nice

Go a head and do what ever you feel is best for both of you...

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