I recently found out i was 30weeks pregnant and am concidering adoption any advice?

monkeyface

I am really sorry for what has happened to you.
Adoptive parents are not usually told the reason that a baby is up for adoption & I am sure you could stress that you do not want it on record that the child is the result of rape.
I have a friend that had a child as a result of rape & she said she could not look at the child without recalling her ordeal so maybe, if it is the same for you, it will be for the best.
These days especially when there are not so many babies available for adoption i am sure your child will be well loved & appreciated by its adoptive parents.
If you choose not to tell anyone about the child's father it is entirely up to you. Just say you have split up & most people will have the good grace not to ask any more.
I wish you all the best with whatever you decide.

Curious

I'm glad to hear you are working with a social worker - this must be a very difficult time for you. If you feel 100% sure about adoption, then it is the right choice for you and I applaud your courage to make this decision. You do need to tell the social worker about the rape. You need access to the best support you can possibly get at this time for your own sake. The social worker will be able to get that support for you. Take care - my thoughts are with you.

Adopted Jane

Alright lets get some perspective here. First of all you are considering adoption, not made up your mind...so I am suprised, oh wait no I am not, at all the PAPS so eager for you to give this baby up..
Look there is another girl on here LIZ, I will try and email her and get her to talk to you, She was raped, she was ADAMANT (not just considering) that she was giving her baby up for adoption, well baby was born a few weeks ago now and as soon as he was born she immediately said NO, NO ADOPTION.....and she had the paps all ready to adopt and everything.

This is YOUR baby, never forget that. You are carrying the baby you are growing the baby, you are nurturing the baby you are loving the baby not that a*seh*le that raped you...

Say you had a one night stand if you do not want to disclose the rape, but personally honey I think you need to see a counsellor and deal with the rape. It will haunt you for the rest of your life if you dont.

But PLEASE Dont give your baby up, you will be ok, and you will love this baby and you wont regret it

And I will try and find Liz for you x

((((((((hugs))))))))

maddy81

tell everyone the truth about what happen to you....its not your fault at all....

IDK!!

As usualy secrest hurt. You need to tell someone.

Do you know who he is? if that why you don't wan to tell? HE cold be hurting soemone else now.

You need to be honest when placing our baby. Its his/her right to know.

Also there is almost NOTHING that will keep a newborn from being adopted.

oldschool04chick

just be honest with the social worker about your decision, as I'm sure they will be understanding...its not your fault. just make sure you make the best decision for you, the baby, and your future.

Jennifer L

I am very sorry to hear about what happened to you. I hope you have gotten some counseling and assistance for YOU to help recover from this trauma.

It will be necessary to tell the social worker about the rape, if you choose adoption. The baby's father must agree to the adoption. If there is a compelling reason for the baby's father to not be involved (like rape) I believe that a judge will need to be involved somewhere in the process.

Don't be afraid of the social worker's reaction. I'd all but guarantee that she has heard this before. It is certainly not your fault and she has been trained to help you through this process.

Good luck to you.

Velken

You can be truthful (I was raped) or say that the father in unknown and you don't want to go into details. If the social worker can leave well enough alone, "unknown" should suffice. If she hears the details, you'll have to talk about it (doesn't sound like you are ready) and the information might get passed onto the adoptive family. I'd not want them knowing or the child accidently finding out, but that's just me. Don't make anything official until the birth. That way you can change your mind. Not saying you would, but don't limit your options. Some women are 100% sure they want adoption and others aren't as sure and decide to keep the child once born. Either way, I'm sorry you are going through so much right now.

lucy_shy8000

Just say "I don't know much about him. He's not involved. I don't want to talk about it."
They can ask, but you don't have to answer.

jpjb

you don't have to tell any one anything i understand that this is a really horrible situation to be in i was raped and can completly understand what you are saying it didn't result in a pregnancy for me which i am grateful about cos i don't know what i would have done, i do want to say though that the baby is you too though and you may feel completly different once it is born so don't rush into any thing take one day at a time if you do decide to adopt i know you will be doing it for the right reason and this baby will bring joy to another lady, but also if you do decided to keep the baby then you don't have to tell any one anything about the father but if you do tell someone out aloud what happened you may find that this changes the way you see the situation. good luck honey hope everything works out

MNmom

Just be upfront and honest with your social worker, and if it bothers you let her know that also and its difficult for you to talk about it and would like it to be more of a private matter. The main reason your social worker may be asking you this may be because the state you live in might have a law where the potential father has a right to put his name on a registry to claim that he is the potential father, and can claim his rights to be the father if tests prove to be so. Your social worker may also be feeling out the situation on your reasons for considering placing your child for adoption, she may feel that you may need counseling, and rape can be a factor for some adoptive parents in making their decision to what factors they consider in adopting,
I am sorry that you had to go through that and hope that you will recover from this terrible experience. Don't be afraid to go to counseling.

Lil L

The social worker has to ask so the adoption can't be challanged later by this man. Just be honest and tell the SW that it was a bad experience and you don't want to pursue it. I am in the process of finding a baby to adopt and can tell you that there are a lot of women that are in this situation. I appreciate your bravery and wish you the best.

~Blonde~

Follow Your Heart <3

De T

If you were raped by an unknown person, they will just have you sign an affidavit with the facts stated. If you know the name of the person, you would have to tell the social worker. The only way around the situation if you do know the rapist's name is to leave the baby at a designated fire station or hospital under the safe haven law. Then you would not be required to give your name or the rapist's name.

You are wrong about people not wanting to adopt the baby if you were raped. There are plenty of adoptive parents that would be standing in line. Good luck with your decision and I'm sorry this happened to you.

missjessica482

well, i'm pretty sure the social worker has to keep it confindential if you ask her to. And she cant report it, if that's what you're worried about. She might try to talk you into filing a report but you dont have to. Just tell her the truth. That you were raped, and prefer not to talk about it any further. She should respect your wishes.

bexx

you need to find someone you can trust I take it that its someone quite close to your family ? how old are you ? i really think you need someone to talk this over with someone.can you go and see your GP ? they should help you and it will be confidential if you want to email me for a chat please feel free sweetheart. x
you need to get it sorted asap. You do need to talk it all over with a professional as these memories have a tendency to last and effect your future and you don't want that to happen. x
Good luck

rainbowarrior73

I'm sure if you tell your social worker the whole story, she will be very understanding.

I hope all goes well for you, god bless. x.

cmc

Sorry you are going through all of this. It sounds awful. I think telling someone about the rape would help you a lot. It has to be awful keeping it to yourself. In order for an adoption to take place you will have to be honest about the birthfather - so that his rights can be terminated legally. Otherwise he may later claim the baby - which of course you don't want. I would strongly recommend you're telling the social worker.

Also as for adoptive parents, some might shy away from rape because it would be hard to have to tell the child about it later (and also hard to have a secret like that if they didn't want to tell). However, there are lots of great couples/families who really want to adopt, and I'm sure you can find a family that would love to adopt your child, and whom you feel comfortable.

If you decide to raise the child, you will also need to answer questions about the child's father, so in any case getting some help dealing with the emotional implications of the rape is really necessary.

Heather B

I'm so so sorry for what you've been through that is just awful.

Please keep in mind that your baby is wholly innocent. What happened is not your fault nor is it your baby's fault and punishing the baby this way seems a little cruel IMHO

To the person who thanked you for not considering abortion; I'm confused - at 30 weeks gestation I doubt that is even an option anyway as the fetus is viable.

Louise

Well, you could either be honest with your social worker and explain that you was raped and choose not to speak of it again. You are not required to give any information about the birth father if you don't know who it is, which apparently you don't. Or another option, is that you could avoid social services all together and do a private adoption to where you sign your rights away and allow the adoptive parents to bring the child home right after delivery. This way your child dosen't become a ward of the state and you know that the baby is with people that will love it right away. Me and my husband are interested in adoption and if you decide to go the way of a private adoption, please email me at puddin9903@yahoo.com Good luck with whatever you do!!

Happiest mom & wife

oh hunny i am so sorry what had happen to you but you are making the right choice ,thank god that you are not like some girls they emediate thinks of abortions...god bless you..i think that you should speak to a counselor about your situation or just tell the social worker the truth and tell the social worker that you would like it to be very confedential..they would help you and tell you that you are doing the right choice and help you out from there.good luck and take care of yourself..i hope they catch the bastered who did this to you..*^j^*

Laura M

You have all the reaosn in the world to do this. You have no need to tell the social worker the truth and I understand why you wouldn't as if they are anything like the ones I know they will start asking questions about what happened and it will go in the childs file. You may not be ready yet to talk about it so it is very understandable. Just tell her something like, you went to a party and had a one night stand and was so drunk you can't remember his name or anything. Keep strong through this and remember this is what you want and don't do anything that you are not ready to do. Take your time and go at your own pace. I hope all goes well with you I really do.

beaut

Well tell her you dont know who he father is!! Thats it she cant make you say if you dont know.
I hope your 100% sure your making the right choice but at the end of the day its not the babies fault that someone did that to you and thats how he now exists, so really your going to do him out of his own mother because the father is a w!*ker!!
You wait until you see your childs face i can guarentee you feel differently instantly, that child is more you then it ever will be him remember that!

hmc

just be honest with the social worker. it actually no one elses business bu your own and the ones you feel should know. you know whats best for your baby. You are a very caring person to make sure your unborn child has a good life.Its a very commendable thing to do as well as hard. best of luck to you!!

Myla

If you decide to adopt the child out, you can tell the truth about how the prenancy occured. I feel very sad for your situation and I can understand why you would not want to keep the child. You should have counseling to help you deal with the rape and the pregnancy. Make sure you want to adopt the baby, because once its done it is done forever. The poor baby, he already has such a bad start in life. If you truly think it will harm you emotionally to keep the child, then by all means allow it to go to another family who does not know the history and he can be happy. Be brave and strong. I wish you the best.

HARRISON

To me, private adoption would be a better choice than sending your baby through the system. There are many private agencies out there that WILL find your baby a very loving home. Too many times children get stuck in the state system and do not get adopted. I have a friend who desperatey wants a baby, she has never been able to conceive and she wouldn't think twice about adopting a child from a situation like yours. There are so many loving homes who are in the situation like my friend. If you go private, then you can choose who you would like to love your baby... Good luck and get plenty of counseling!

Tell the social worker the truth regarding the father. And as far as anyone else, you know you don't have to tell them anything. Just say, I would rather not discuss it. Perhaps you should consider counseling since ordeal to make sure that you get through this. I know that giving up a child is not easy. But part of being a parent is doing things that are not easy but the parent feels is in the best interest of the child

heether83

my husband and i trying to adopt and i know on parentprofiles.com has a place where adoptive parents can say if they would adopt a baby that was conceived through rape

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