I think I found my birth father, what now?

Paul H

You could do what I did. Find out first if there is an open adoption for records in the state you were adopted in. If there is contact them, do what they require of you to do or prove, and then let them contact him and go from there, depending on what his response will be.

crispy

You could stick to a short inquiry type of e-mail.
I am currently searching for my birth father. A source has given me a specific name of "John Doe". I realize "John Doe" is a faily common name and appologize if this e-mail has reached you in error. I was born in Catfish County, Georgia on December 24, 1981 to Wilma Smith formerly of New Bedford, Texas. Any information if applicable would be much appreciated.

LaurieDB

People frequently start out by saying they are looking into genealogical/family research and think that the other person may be related. Then find out if the person is willing to answer a couple of questions.

A common way to find out if you're even on the right track is to ask the person some simple questions such as, "Did you live in (town) in (year?) Did you know a young woman named (mother's name?")

I will say that email isn't the easiest way to go. It was all I had for my sister, so this is how I did it. I asked her if any of the following names sounded familiar then listed some family names, including our mother's name.

Since the name is common, have you considered using Intelius.com or Zabasearch.com to see about getting a phone number or physical address? Both will often list ages, previous addresses and Intelius.com will list names of other relatives. This is very helpful in narrowing down whether or not you've got the right person.

cruzgirlz3

Funny, I just emailed the person who I think is my bmother. I will email you.

Mom to Foster Children

I would dig a little deeper if he has a common name (Joe Smith). Maybe you could start with explaining your situation and asking him for his help. State some facts you know about your situation and simply ask him to kindly answer.

It's not an easy topic to introduce in an email to a stranger, and given that you are not sure about whether this guy is the guy from whom you stem (common name, etc). This is a fairly crucial moment in a potential relationship with this person, so I'd approach it as calmly as possible and give yourself time to get it right. I'd start by contacting the adoption support services available (I don't know where you are from, otherwise I'd include a reference source - there are phone and internet services). If you can't find one of these, I'd approach a general advice service. I think getting advice from someone who deals in these matters regularly would be invaluable in terms of how to frame your introduction and potential relationship (how you word it may prove critical to the guy's reaction). They may also be able to guide you in terms of what information you should / shouldn't include to ensure that the recipient of the email doesn't feel overwhelmed and dismiss you out of hand. They may also be able to make contact with him independently to determine whether he is your father or not - this might be beneficial in terms of not 'confronting' him directly with the news, and they may be able to negotiate introductions. If you decide to push ahead with the email, try not to use confrontational words or phrases, keep it simple and relatively short to try and obtain some indication of whether he could be your father and whether he may be interested in establishing a relationship.
I hope it all works out for you.

excitedmommy2b

Simply explain to him your situation. Who your mother is, why you think he is your father, how his being there is of great importance to you, if he is your father! I have never been in this sort of situation but when asking myself what I would write in a letter if I were in your shoes, those are the things that I would imput. Hope I helped and hope you find your father. Good Luck and God Bless!

The Wife

If he has a really common name, maybe you should keep looking until you have more to go on. If it's the wrong person, it could make an awkward situation even worse.

Anxious Birth Mother

As a birth mother that has given up her child, I would be cautious about contacting any one other than this man that you think is your father.

In case he hasn't told everyone in his life about you, I would be very vague and non specific in your email., If you upset his home life, he may not respond.

There have been some good suggestions. What I would do is keep it very simple:
Hi, I am looking for my birth father. I was told his name is similar to yours. I was born in xcity, state in xmonth, year. If any of this information means something to you to, please reply to this email. Your daughter would really like to meet you.

I hope this helps and I really hope the two of you meet someday soon.

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