I want to adopt.....?

ok my aunt is pregnant and due to mental problems she is unable to keep her baby, well my husband and i have triedd for five years toconceivee andhaven'tt so she has agreed to let us adopt the baby when it is born, could some one enlighten us on any thing me would need to know about going about the adoption ad what we need to prepare our selves for??? thank you very much for any help you can give us.....
Additional Details
wait a minute i under stand i havent explained more until now but it isnt like we are telling her she has to give us her baby, the state is going to take the baby any way, she has had four other children that she has had taken and adopted by complete strangers i just figured this last one would be with people who she knows is going to love and cherish the baby. and by no means am i saying that the people who have adopted the others those who would have adopted this one wouldnt love tthem i am just saying she knows that we would. again thanks for the help.

magic pointe shoes

Well, I suggest that you get your marriage more stable. I suggest that trying to get pregnant for five years isn't true when you were on depo for three years. I suggest figuring out why your aunt wasn't speaking to you or why your grandmother thought your aunt wasn't speaking to you before you take her child away from her.

Get your ducks in order first. Then learn about the adopted child and learn about ethical adoption so that you don't cause more emotional trauma to your aunt in order to complete your parenting desire.

Good luck to you!

Edit to add:

Two years ago, you were asking about flipflops and prom dresses! And asking how you could divorce your husband of four years. Wait a couple more months and I'm sure you'll cycle around to wanting to leave your husband again. O_o

edit to add more: Your husband abused and cheated on you too? And you think that is a stable environment to bring a baby into?

Mom to Foster Children

What kind of mental problems? I hope you not using coercion in order to adopt this baby.

Edit: Kayley16 - what do you mean IF they tell the child they are adopted??? Let me take you from your mother / take you out of your life and raise you as my own and not give you the right to your past! Sick!

Gaia - thanks for agreeing and let me add that before I came to Y!A I knew nothing about being an adoptive mom - thank God I found this place as I was only just having fun being a foster mom and making cookies!

And I also agree with the books that were recommended to read - with those and the advice from the "non trolls" on here you will learn everyday!

Gaia Raain

Please keep in mind that she has the right to change her mind until she signs papers, and that she cannot (legally or physically) make the decision to give her child away until after birth. With proper treatment, even those with mental illness can be great parents. There isn't really anything you can do to prepare for this that isn't coercive. You can do your research to find lawyers in your area, learn about adoption loss and the trauma her child will experience at separation from his/her mother at birth, etc., but you won't need to have anything drawn up or signed until after the birth. Please leave your Aunt out of any and all of your research until after she has had the baby and has made a decision. Some very important books for you to read in the meantime:

Twenty things adopted kids wish their adoptive parents knew
The primal wound
Helping children cope with separation and loss.

ETA: Given your additional information, I'd say just read those books and get your homestudy done through the state. I want to reiterate what Foster Mom has said, though...the child has a right to his/her own history and information. Please make sure you don't keep anything from the child. If s/he is old enough to ask, s/he is old enough for an honest answer. Take care.

Dreamerâ™¥

wow I can't believe that u called ur future baby an "it!"

Peyton Sawyer

i think it's fine that you want to adopt them, no critism there, as a matter of fact, thats wonderful of you and your husband! but im just wondering even though it's not my business... why is your aunt having so many kids if she cannot keep any?
and also, just make sure to look ahead, will this baby inherit the same mental problems? and will there be a problem having to see it's birth mother and it's aunt often?
good luck and may God bless you in whatever you decide to do!

Start The Revolution

your aunt will probably want to be involved in the childs life, IE seeing it, holding it
but if you adopt the child you have to prepare the child for this, i dont know what kind of mental problems, but that may help
you have to have the talk with her saying, i know this is your child biologically but when you say i can adopt it, this will be my child
be prepared for the aunts emotional needs, im not sure how she will be but you know what i mean
just love the child all you can
also, talk and agree with your husband about how/if your going to tell the child about the adoption. What age? the main thing is to deal with the emotion in this

blahsblah2001

Not telling the kids they are adopted is fine, quit whining. Yes, you are keeping a chunk of life from them, that crucial four minutes in the hospital room before the baby was handed over to it's adoptive parents. And everyone knows that uterus all look different on the inside.
I'm interested, though, as to whose care your aunt is in that she's been impregnated five times. Not to be lewd, but someone responsible needs to step in and maybe talk to her about getting her tubes tied, or an IUD.

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