I want to give baby for adoption, the dad doesn't?

In some states it does not matter if the father signs off or not. Talk to your lawyer. He may want to fight the adoption but if he is deployed, how can he? At most, it sounds like he will delay the adoption but it will eventually happen. The birth father of my son drug his feet on signing but he finally did. I got the baby from the hospital and keep him and the adoption was final a year later, where it would have only been 90 days if the father had signed sooner. Also threatening you is no way to treat someone you love. Might want to step back and see if this guy really loves you. Sounds like he needs to grow up. How can he expect you to keep the baby and stay in the military.

jannabanana

Perhaps you should find an unbiased person to talk to, like a counselor or something

Also, Missy Saffron, there is no need to be so rude. Adoption isn't an easy choice.

cincykt

If you're not both committed this child, give them up for adoption and give them a chance in life. There's nothing worse for a child than to feel unloved or like a nuisance.

â™¥â™¥Mum To Superkidsâ™¥â™¥

Oh my God people, this is an ADOPTION forum!!! Someone comes on here asking a question about placing their baby for adoption and all you can do is berate them! And for those of you are adoptive parents, I assume you found your children in the cabbage patch, or were you this disrespectful to their birthmothers?

Sorry, end of rant! I don't know about all the laws and such surrounding relinquishment, but the best advice I can offer is talking to some kind of unbiased adoption counsellor.
I apologise if I'm wrong, but it really sounds to me as if you do want to keep this baby, but at the moment you can't really find a way out?
Is there some way you can look at your parenting options? If you do keep the child, will the father help care for him or her, or will it be left solely up to you? It sounds to me as though he wants to have his cake and eat it, which is not right. Can you really talk to him and get him to understand your position on this? If he really won't, and you want to parent the baby, then you would probably need to explore career options outside the military.
You mentioned you already have an adoption attourney, this is probably a situation that you will need to discuss in depth with him if you decided to go ahead with an adoption plan, if the father won't relinquish rights, there will need to be a custody arrangement made in which he assumes responsibility for at least part of the care of the child.
I hope you're able to explore your options, and make the best decision you can for yourself and your child. Best of luck!

boredomkills85

I agree. Maybe you should talk to a councelor. They could perhaps give you better advice than anyone on here. Adoption is a really big decision. I know ppl who have kids they put up for adoption and they have regreted it every since and other that went on like it was nothing at all. Make sure its what YOU want.

Still Me

Well, you are in a difficult situation concerning adoption. Because he does not want to place the baby for adoption, you would have to have him served with papers. And because he is in the military, they would have the ability to help him, legally. That is the law, that when a mother or father is in the military, their rights are carefully upheld.

But what you can tell him is that if he wants full custody of the baby, you will allow that. Otherwise, you are going to place the baby for adoption (if that is what you want). Men cannot "force" a woman to raise a child. If the woman does not choose to parent, that is her right! If he doesn't want the baby to be adopted, he can take full custody of the baby himself.

Otherwise, you can have him served with papers now, through any licensed adoption agency, and see if he will sign, or if he will seek custody. If he ignores the papers/serve, his rights can be treminated. Then you can place the baby. I advise that you contact a licensed adoption agency (email me if you need referrals) now, as it takes a while to have him served with papers. They can also advise you about your rights, and his, concerning the military.

If he is not helping you out now, and threatens you with court, it doesn't sound like a healhty or positive relationship. So consider that when making your decision. Do you really want to stay with a man who doesn't support you, help you, stand by you? You love him? Love doesn't look like this....it is kind, supportive, helpful. A future with a man who doesn't support you emotionally or physically? Not good for any child. Or woman.

Gods Child fo Life

Well, 1st of all I commend you for not choosing abortion. I do think, that you should really think about this. In the long run, after 6 years, will you regret your decision? It is your body & your life, but you are not the only one this will effect. God has a way of working things out. I know you are scared, but honey, don't make any decisions based on emotions. The father is ASKING you to keep your baby. This is commendable on his part. Your baby is not just "your" baby, but his baby also. Think of it this way: When a woman loses a baby by miscarriage or any other way they are devastated. But we rarely look at this from the man's point of view. He will loose his baby, and had no say so in the matter. Think about what's best for all parties. Sorry for your dilema, but God is able to work things out for you.
Peace

jennie

talk to attorney & go w/your feelings- only you can make this decision,(well guess the dad is also 50% of the decision). give him some ultimatums like if he wants to raise the child, he better leave the service & get state side job etc.. all the adopted children i've known have had great lives.

First of all, I don't think that you're a terrible person for choosing adoption. The fact that you are willing to make an adoption plan instead of choosing abortion shows that you care about this child. I think you and your boyfriend should find an adoption agency that has a birthparent counselor to help make a decision. Good luck!!

Sarah S

you can give it up for adoption and just say you dont know who the father is. Or make up a name of who the father is.

I just gave my baby up for adoption 6 days ago (i didnt lie about who the father was). But I know for a fact you can say somebody else is the father and if they cannot contact the father that you say it is, then there is nothing they can do about it. The choice will be yours only.

mywowkoronadal

Seek legal advice regarding this. Itis better if you know your rights & not just based everything from what he is saying...

once you sort it out email me would love to hear more from you.

brunette_babe_1995

i seems like you need moral support you two should talk it out and figure out what to do. If his fam made and agreement with you to take the baby while deployed the then you should take them up on it what do you think is right, give pros and cons of adoption and think about the baby.

Go to www.adoptionattorneys.org and find a competent attorney. If you have identified him as the father on the birth certificate (and keep in mind that it is falsifying a record in some states to not do so if you know who it is) then he has just as much right to the baby as you do.

I don't think that you can just terminate your rights, and let him deal with it. (do you have any idea how many fathers would do that if they could?) You are both in this together. If he wants custody, then you may be on the hook for child support.

Talk to his family. He may be more willing to listen to them than to you.

You shouldn't be pressured by anyone to keep a baby that you really cant raise. I really dont understand how mothers can be in the military if they are the primary care giver for a child. Tell him you are putting your child up for adoption because it is whats best and he can take you to court all he wants. He wont actually take you to court... and if he does I dont think a judge could make an un married woman in the military who already has a child she raises on her own keep a baby when the best option is adoption. Good luck. Please get on birth control... theres no excuse since you get prescriptions free. You are old enough to know better.

â™¥ Mommy of 3

People like Missy are idiots- people like her should be the ones that have to respond to the scene when babies are found in trash cans and on the side of the road- then maybe they will know not to harass or belittle people who are considering adoption. It's none of her business why you weren't on bc.... Anyway, don't be afraid. Nobody can force you to keep your child. You sign away your rights if you still feel the same way at delivery, and then the baby is his. If he cannot arrange care, it will be his decision of what to do next. Good luck to you.

Joanie

Boy, sorry, but you've really made a 2nd big mistake. And I don't mean a baby is a mistake. I mean that you didn't learn from your 1st mistake and have now created the same all over again for yourself.. You are only thinking of yourself and that person who you say you love.. What about this baby and it's rights to it's real mother? Why didn't you take precautions so this situation would not happen to you again? Make a choice. Either a military career and mom, and if that can't be, then choose one.. Hopefully you can manage both but if not, then I hope a MOM will become your prime goal. A baby is not like a piece of furniture..You don't sell it, give it away, or store it. You take care of this living human being that you helped create. And for God's sake, wise up and don't get into anymore situations like this again! God bless the baby and all..

freebird

It is quite hard to sympathise with you in your predicament. What were you thinking?You'd already been caught once. So you're responsible enough to shoot at the enemy but not responsible enough to keep your legs together? Or was alcohol involved? This is precisely why I'm against women in the military.Don't you know the men always get away with it?
However, since you're in this fix, what to do?
Firstly;if he's laying down the law and wants this unfortunate child so much, let HIM take care of it.I grant you can't take it to Iraq but you can dump it on his parents and tell them it's HIS problem, since he wouldn't sign the adoption papers.
Secondly; don't you have any welfare Officers in your regiment? They must deal with this problem all the time.It used to be the case that the Army would ship the guy to a foreign posting and cover his tracks, but I thought they'd be more enlightened now.
Thirdly; what does he mean, he doesn't want you to leave because of the money? Does he suggest you pack the baby in your backpack and take it with you to Iraq? It's high time he started waking up to his responsibilities in this baby's welfare, instead of just laying down the law.By all means send him a copy of this if it helps.You cannot bear this worry alone. I beg you to talk to somebody other than your lawyer and, if necessary, get Social Services involved.
I wish you and your unborn child luck. There are thousands of "would-be parents" out there who would give your baby the love and care he/she deserves.

mystic_eye_cda

If you wish to put the baby up for adoption and he doesn't then as far as I know you just terminate your parental rights and it becomes his problem. However you may have to pay child support (if you can only give up custody, if you terminate your rights you do not have to pay support.

If you keep the baby then he will have to pay support, that is just the way it is. However I don't know how much that would help you since you won't be in the country.

My only advice is to find a different lawyer that will actually work with you to find a solution that works, there are many options available.

Missy Saffron

Why weren't you on birth control? Don't you have any feelings for this child? Perhaps you should give all of your child up so that they can find families who can and WANT to provide for them. Sign off your rights and don't look back. I don't know what will happen if the father doesn't sign off on his rights but that's not really your concern. I don't know why you would want to stay with a man who doesn't respect your wishes but I really don't understand why this man wants to stay with you when you can so easily give away your own flesh & blood.

No one can force you to keep this child but I don't understand that you want to stay in this relationship? Get your tubes tied.

Pardon me but I don't understand how a woman who's intelligent enough to join the military can't use that same intelligence in figuring out how not to have a baby she doesn't want.

You've given no thought as to how your first child will feel knowing that you gave away their sibling. I have to suggest counseling also. The pill is the way to go.

~*~AcBiEri~*~

Email me o r message me on yahoo acbieri@yahoo.com
Id love to talk to you!

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