I want to know who my birth parents are but I don't want my family to think I don't love them?

Ahh_Sweet_Boredom

You're parent's will understand that you are curious about your birthparents, so talk to them about it. They probably rehearsed how they'd have this conversation with you when you were 11 days old, so don't even think that they'll assume you don't love them because of it. Being adopted is a difficult thing on both the child and the 'adoptive' parents. It will benefit all three of you to talk about it.

magic pointe shoes

Honestly, I couldn't tell you how your parents would react. Parents are peculiar in that regard. I do have to say though that if in your heart you know that finding out about your family of origin in no way threatens the foundation of your family of now, then that inner truth will see you through asking your parents for information. I hope they are understanding. I've read some adopted people blogs where they talk openly about that inner conflict of loyalty versus personal rights that every person seems to be entitled to except them, and I just can't image being in those shoes.

You have a right to your own identity despite the idea that you are supposed to never look back for fear of alienating those who are with you now.

Also, besides having a right to that information, you also have a right to determine the relationship with your family of origin without your parents speaking for you. Let it be your own voice with your own thoughts and ideas.

db_180

Well first off, if it is important to you to see your birth parents, you have every right and I would highly encourage it. You are not at all being disrespectful to your current family or being morally wrong in any way. The family you have now may seem upset by the idea, but after some discussion and reassurance, I'm absolutely positive they would be able to understand your curiosity and NEED to see your real parents.

However, you also need to think of the negative side of things. A lot of disappointment will come from meeting your birth parents(possibly) because after all, they did (in a sense) abandon you and you might not be ready to know why. And also, what if they end up to be not what you expected. Would you really want to put yourself through seeing someone you care about not doing so well in life? Its a tough decision there.

But answering you first question. Absolutely! If you want to meet your birth parents, you have every right and no one else is going to look down on you or be very upset by your decison to do so.

sandstone901

I think it's your right to find out. You have good reason too, because if there is any family medical history that may affect you later on, it would be best if you found out from the biological parents. I think most adoptive parents have already thought about this situation happening and they will be okay with it as long as you explain that you are in no way looking to replace them, you just have some questions that need answering. It really is your right, so go for it, and good luck.

Kim

As an adopting parent myself, I would strongly suggest that you talk to your parents about how you are feeling. It's very natural for you to want to know more about your biological parents. That certainly doesn't mean you don't love your parents. They may even have information to share with you that could help you find them. Being parents is not about genetics, it's about love. I'm sure your parents love you very much and will do everything they can to help you. I wish you all the best. Trust your instincts and have faith in your parents.

Bouvier

First of all, what you are feeling is PERFECTLY NORMAL, and also your right. Talk to your parents. They know or knew that one day you would feel this way. Do not be afraid that you are going to hurt their feelings. You may want to even start your conversation out with that statement, and assure them of your love for them, then tell them how you are feeling. Depending on your adoption, your birthparents may or may not want any contact with you. That is the tough part, but you atleast deserve to know whatever information your parents have, or the agency, etc.

Go for it. If not, you will always wonder. It is your right, your parents should support you with this. If not, when you are 18, you can pursue the information on your own, and you will then be able to contact your birthparents, or them you, legally. Good Luck

insight s

http://www.findmybiologicalparents.com

First off I have to say that because of laws and such, if you are not 18 yet you might have you wait until then.

As much as you love the family who adopted you, it is only natural to wonder about your birth family. You have the right to know, and I can almost gaurentee, espically because your family told you that you are adopted, will understand completly.

I know that is not much help. But just one day try to sit down with them and explain how no matter what you are always going to love them (they know that), but have a curisoity about your birth family. I'm sure they will help in anyway that they can. Probably will be more then happy to do so.

I don't want to ruin it for you, but it also might be really hard, and in some cases not at all, for you to find out about them, considering that it sounds like your parents had a closed adoption.

askkate2000

don't know what they think until you ask most adoptive parents know and expect this. I am a adoptive parent and hope to help my daughter do it when she is ready

ladybmw1218

Have a heart to heart with your family and tell them why you want to find your birthparents. Wanting to understand where you came from, and where some of your characteristics derived from, and medical history etc. has nothing to do with your love for them nor are you looking to replace them.

They love you too and will be more likely to understand if you explain it to them.

PuddyKat

l'm pretty sure they won't think that. lf l was a mum of an adopted child l would expect them to want to find their birth parents, so they're probably already expecting it. Just tell them exactly what you wrote here, that you want to ask your questions, but nothing will ever take you away from your parents. Good luck, l hope it works out for you.

Susan F

You are in a tough position, and I feel for you. I speak as a mother who has given a child up. First of all, be honest with your parents..........let them know that you need to know who your birth parents are. Not because you want a new mom and dad, but because they are a part of you and your biological background. Let your mom and dad know that THEY will always be your mom and dad, no matter what. If they are insecure enough that they refuse to help, I would suggest finding some adoption sites online and doing some research. Look for people in the Atlanta, Geargia area with the same last name as your biological mom and/or dad. Don't be afraid to write a nice letter to people.......you might be surprised at the results you get. Good luck! If you need help, email me at stfarris@yahoo.com. I will do what I can.

Verna I

I am a birth mom I placed a baby girl up for adoption in 1968 she was newborn I just turned 16 and was not allowed to keep her and I thank her parents every day of my life even through I don"t know who they are for loving her bonding with her and for giving her what I was not able to do I search for her she is an adult now she may want to know another part of her heritage I am sure as you do I am not trying to be her mom but I am her bio mom and I hold all her answers ones her parents do not know how to answer because they were never told maybe they would be happy to give you as much infor as they have and perhaps they are waiting for you to ask them because they do not want you to feel they do not love you

Digital Haruspex

Tell them. I'm sure that, while they might dread it, they've been expecting it for a while. They might try to persuade you to not go through with it though. Mostly it'll be to protect you rather than because they're afraid you don't love them. They probably aren't sure if your birth parents would want you to find them or, if you did find them, if they'd accept you or ignore you. Your adoptive parents probably will be concerned with how something like that would effect you so that would be one reason they may not want you to look.

Like I said though, talk it over with them. I'm positive that they'll be understanding and, if it's something you truly do want, they'll probably help you any way they can. I'll urge you to consider it carefully before actually beginning the search though. Some parents who give up their children to adoption don't want to be found and will have moved on with their lives. Be prepared for a rather cold meeting if you do find them but, of course, hope for the best. Who knows, they may be looking for you too.

I wish you the best of luck!

Ann S

This can be a very delicate subject. I was in your shoes. Let your parents know that NO ONE will ever take their place. Medical history and siblings are the reasoning behind wanting to do this. Your parents may get upset. Reassure them. It may take some time. I have an aunt who is totally against it. She is very sensitive. Also, keep in mind. If you do find them. They are not always pleasant. Try to be prepared for any thing. If your parents do not come around. Find a way to do it. Without their knowledge. Nothing good will come from pushing it and hurting them. GL

If you know what agency or lawyer handled you adoption, then you may be able find out that information. Your parents could also have it in your paperwork from your adoption. I don't know how old you are, but some places don't release that info until your 18 or 21 without parent consent. The other thing is your birth parents might not want to meet you. Just explain to your birth parents that your alittle curious about them and would just like to meet them. I know it is going to be scary to them but as adoptive parents, its a day we all know might come. I have pictures of the birth parents of my son to show him from the day I met them. And if he ever wants to meet them, then I will support him. But its hard not to have a fear of losing something you love so much

Hannah G

Tell your family the truth, they will completely understand. It's natural for you to want to meet you birth parents but it can be very hard. Explain your reasons. You know even if you do find your adoptive mother/father, they may be too embarassed to welcome you warmly. So good luck. Your family will understand.

Erin L

Your parents naturally may feel a little threatened at first, but this is something you should do if you need to do it for yourself. I would explain to your parents that your desire to find your birthfamily in no way reflects on your love for them. Just explain your questions and reasons, and tell them you hope for their support and help. (As an adoptive parent, I believe it is their duty to tell you any information they have about YOUR life and YOUR history.)

I know you want to make this as painless as you can for your parents, which reflects on your love for them. Try simply being extra reassuring, doing some nice things for them . . . maybe an extra special mother's day of father's day gesture. Talk to them and let them in on what you're feeling, which may make it less scary for them.

Good Luck in your search! :)

martine

Follow your heart, but don't listen to magicpointeshoes. She's here to poison every adoptee and adopter. She is very twisted and bitter, please for your sake disregard that advice.

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